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Thread: my first writ on this site

  1. #1

    my first writ on this site

    Let's begin it, the infinite, endless
    like OJ's exhibits.
    Sickest ever, in any weather, right now perhaps forever.
    Watch me sever important organs like no strings attached.
    but ain't no puppeteer in fact, i'm like an act of god, like moses catchin 10 commandments.
    My rappin's like a cannon but yo,
    jsut watch me man it.
    Cause fear like my name was havoc but it ain't.
    No less acquainted to the game than illmatic.
    I suck your spirit like Dracula, but yo don't speak no Slavic.
    This is English for you unamericans,
    I speak again.
    Let you know that i'm hispanic, but ain't dominican.
    No Puerto Rico, Cuba, or even Mexico.
    They say us latinos got the heat, so yo,
    will never let it go.
    I'm constipation,
    cuz I got you to shut your shit up.
    My rhymes is so phat, Richard Simmons can't make 'em do a sit up.
    Get up, then you back down like my enemies.
    Grow 8 times bigger,
    still 1/8 my size like mini me.
    My fertility, causes your girl to 'gasm wit every step.
    I have the right to call you trash, cuz yo,
    you gettin swept right off your feet.
    Defeat? (Da Feet)
    Never felt it like Vietnamese children.
    My words are way out of your reach like you'll never feel them.

    and i'm just gonna stop right now cuz i'm fuckin tired sup all by the way. Constructive Criticism please
    Freedom or Jail, clip's inserted, a baby's bein born same time my man is murdered. The Beginnin and End - NaS, the artist.

  2. #2
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    OK first of all, you need to drop 2 links that you've left feed on in Open mic inside this forum or 6 feet will close this. And second, your drop was waaay too basic...you've got some good ideas, but you've also go stretched and short lines in the same verse which fucks with peoples eyes...line up your bars and take it easy...let the words slide out of you and onto the page...use rhymes and a storyline at the same time. Trust me you'll get it soon.

    ~Nash

  3. #3
    thx for the feedback but i didn't leave no feed no where so can you elaborate on what you mean... and ya i get what you sayin thx but at the same time i didn't really like this one either no excuses just wasn't in the writin mood. thx though a lot
    Freedom or Jail, clip's inserted, a baby's bein born same time my man is murdered. The Beginnin and End - NaS, the artist.

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