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Thread: Only To Forgive.

  1. January 7th, 2006, 12:09 PM #1
    topher
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    Only To Forgive.

    Only To Forgive.

    Thoughts race through his mind,in his mind he glides through
    Shots of his past time passing towards him,going into the blue
    Staring down from above,all he did was look in ashtonishment
    Thinking in his mind and physically,the casket was for him to lay in it
    A waterfall drops from his eyes,and a guilty concience reveals
    The person covering his lies,lays dead under dirt in hell concealed
    All has come to peace,yet he believes the devil should have taken his soul
    And his companion creased from the middle,adds another demon death toll
    Hiding away from his past,he now hides away from a friend everyday
    Never letting go to pass that day,he appears dead yet his spirit stays
    Grasping a piece he slowly pulls it up towards his right ear high
    But it is not him who does it,it is the demon that chooses him to die
    His palms sweaty,he cocks it,in a few seconds his fear gets bigger
    Crying he screams out "I came only to forgive!..."...than goes the trigger



    Enjoy.
    hurterrybody.
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  2. January 7th, 2006, 12:10 PM #2
    topher
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    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=261271

    Once.
    hurterrybody.
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  3. January 7th, 2006, 12:13 PM #3
    topher
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    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=262842

    Twice.
    hurterrybody.
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  4. January 7th, 2006, 12:48 PM #4
    Deviate
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    Really nice piece man.. Kinda played... But was enjoyable. You wrote well, with complexity and confidence. The length was suitable.. Some of the vocabulary should be maybe rethought, and the lines were slightly stretched, so consider those aspects next time you write. Good effort though...
    Po'Ethics Lives
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  5. January 7th, 2006, 01:10 PM #5
    topher
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    Someone fucking read this.It's short and simple.
    hurterrybody.
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  6. January 7th, 2006, 10:40 PM #6
    topher
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    Fucking lay Zee Bas Tards.
    hurterrybody.
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  7. January 7th, 2006, 10:57 PM #7
    Tech
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    The Rhyming Wasn't All That But The Description And Vocab Was Nice And On Point. Just Work On Your Rhyming And Structuring Of Lines And You Got It Down. I Like This Piece Tho. Enjoyable And I Also Really Liked The Ending, Very Nice And Impacting. Check Out My Open Mic Homie, Still Tryin To Rise
    ......::::Raising More Bars Than Verizon Signals::::......
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  8. January 7th, 2006, 11:08 PM #8
    Hero.
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    Good verse, liked the end even though i pretty much new that was gonna happen, your flow is a little strecthed but i got the same problem, the concept was similar to other shit i read but this was one of the better ones, i can see u know what your doing. hit up "Just like he said" or "why" in my sig, peace...
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  9. January 7th, 2006, 11:10 PM #9
    .Ovadose.
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    This Piece was ok, I didnt like the overall flow of the piece...I felt you couldve played with ur words better to make the flow smooth...

    The vocab was on par...nothing to complex about it but it wasnt dumbed down to very simple words....

    The story I felt was just ok, i felt u didnt go into enuff details and u only scrapped the surface of a would be good story..

    overall i think this was a decent piece but u shud have elobarated on a few points like the devils role,etc and play with ur rhymes to get a smoother flow to it

    stay up
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  10. January 7th, 2006, 11:46 PM #10
    topher
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    Up.Up.Up.
    hurterrybody.
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  11. January 8th, 2006, 06:04 PM #11
    topher
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    Poopie.
    hurterrybody.
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  12. January 8th, 2006, 07:57 PM #12
    topher
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    errrrr.some Leave Feed.
    hurterrybody.
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  13. January 8th, 2006, 08:28 PM #13
    EyeBite
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    well this was pretty short but that dont mean it aint good and this was good.....enjoyable to read...topic was aiight....i've seen it before but still it was good.....rhymes were good..vocab was nice and sum places were complex.....flow was smooth and strucutre was excellent..very even made it an easy read..overall this was good..keep it up..peace--..check out my drop caled The devil returns thanks
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  14. January 8th, 2006, 08:49 PM #14
    status_unknown
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    Well done man, you flipped this topic into something worth while, i'm impressed. My only complaint was the simplicity of the rhyme scheme and wording. You started the peice using a bit more multis, but it calmed down quickly.. But this was still an impressive piece. Good job.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=263389

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