The Passion that Lies Within a Soul

[The Vortex]

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My charisma is like a hologram seeking the counsel of Holy men
Stare thru my skin, & see a soul trying to rise above worldly sin
The ins-and-outs of life’s doubts are intricate to unravel, a riddle
As time travel propels forth the unknown.., I steel for the gamble
Stumbling blocks – clutter at crossroads misleading my optimism
I use ink as a gizmo for idiom.., perhaps the Gods forgot to listen?
…So, I raise the power-of-speech until it deafens Angel’s earlobes
Seeing a spitting-image once facing the monster that I fear most
Eyeballs are crimson layered; lashes are spiders’ cobwebs & all
Roaming terrestrial realms, seldom resting my head at nightfall

Great Spirit within… the passion that elevates my mind & heart
Keep flipping these melancholic melodies as if I played the Harp
Depicting tunes on my heartstrings, emerging tears-&-laughter
I plea O Lord set me free from suffering years in the hereafter

Yearning to make use of – these ideas & smouldering desires
Born a King, my next inkling is to rebuild a floundering empire
A temple rigid upon rocks, the script unveils like cinema slogans
I jot blueprints within the sanctuary of my innermost notions
Immunized to emotive pain, cold rain ices the heart & feelings
Wearily seeking warmth, losing my bearing on this path of being
Words able, my patience sat next to Kasparov at the chess table
Tactics mostly stable, bash the Bible Book of Dan a blessed fable
Enter the Lions den; exit a moral man among dogs’ women & men
If money is sin, a person living bankrupt is like being condemned
...As the system obligates to hangmen I hang-on in by a limb
I will not drown in the ruin.., stimulated by the desire to swim.

Great Spirit within… the passion that elevates my mind & heart
Keep flipping these melancholic melodies as if I played the Harp
Depicting tunes on my heartstrings, emerging tears-&-laughter
I plea O Lord set me free from suffering years in the hereafter
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[The Vortex]

linkages



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=261972
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=261971

[noncentz]

damn this was hard you turned a topic to freud disgned psychologic mind fuck....that was real nice work and ithink it lacked very little.....it was hot twin

[The Vortex]

yeah fosho safe blud.. sometimes i read things or watch them on television, and they probaly affect my thinking when writing a verse without me knowing it at the time..


upz

[<Supreme>]

title made me not want to read it, but i knew it wud be good cos u dun it
i wasnt disappointed

this piece was hot
there wasnt much wrong with it
it ws the right lenght

nice drop

keep at it

can u comment on 'Level Up' - in om plz

[The Vortex]

safe brah.. gimme till 2moro tho n ill hit ur joint fosho... no prob.. not much time left



peace

[EyeBite]

this waaas a pretty tight drop...topic was interesting and i liked it
flow waas veery smooth and strucutre was like perfect..........
vocab was tight...nice and complex...rhymes werre tight too
great multeies in here......opverall this was a tight peice.....
peace-

[The Vortex]

good looking


uppers

^
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[The Vortex]

uppin to the tippy top
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/....
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..../

[The Vortex]

uhm.. sure quiet around here

?...
^//
//^
..

[Mag...]

The Good:
-Perfect line length matching for an even and smooth flow... nothing messing with syllable count except a few parts hitched and a few parts too much like nursery rhymes...

-excellent imagery, writers voice, use of simile and metaphor... you got straight conceptual on the topic and some of it was nothing less than inspired

The Bad...
-The lines didn't really feel connected as much as they could've been, in terms of flow... felt like a pause between some lines... like it's disjoined

-some of the vocabulary seemed unneccessary... one should always remember to only showcase words if they are important parts... this is a poetry rule, for rap sometimes it's needed to confustigate the senses of a listener... a rattle of jargon sounds cool on the mic, yes? but at the same time, it can slow you, sound unintelligible, be hard to remember verbatim... etc

The Ugly...
-your sig... fuck that, I have to scroll through two screens of it in every thread i see you post in... boourns!

pz

[Diamond Mind]

and another one, again a good piece man, liked the flow of this especially,not to forced like a few OM's, keep doin ur thing man

[The Vortex]

The Good:
-Perfect line length matching for an even and smooth flow... nothing messing with syllable count except a few parts hitched and a few parts too much like nursery rhymes...

-excellent imagery, writers voice, use of simile and metaphor... you got straight conceptual on the topic and some of it was nothing less than inspired

The Bad...
-The lines didn't really feel connected as much as they could've been, in terms of flow... felt like a pause between some lines... like it's disjoined

-some of the vocabulary seemed unneccessary... one should always remember to only showcase words if they are important parts... this is a poetry rule, for rap sometimes it's needed to confustigate the senses of a listener... a rattle of jargon sounds cool on the mic, yes? but at the same time, it can slow you, sound unintelligible, be hard to remember verbatim... etc

The Ugly...
-your sig... fuck that, I have to scroll through two screens of it in every thread i see you post in... boourns!

pz

good looking out MAg... yeah my sig is hettin a a bit big..lol

i like to write in a way that would suit both audio and text if i can...yeh i guess transition from line 2 line is a thing ill always have to make sure of... n yeah vocab is a tricky one to please everyone on.. i was actually trying to hold it down on this piece.. coz mostly all crazy assed obscure words just float thru my head.. but then your one to talk arent you.. your vocab in the reply was pretty heavy..like i gotta peep a dictionary now myself... lolz

good looking out


and good looks diamond

pz

[RAWW]

Vortex I really liked dis shit man. I think all things happen 4 a reason, I was just getting pissed off today about a fucking show dat I was supposed to do dat flopped but I seem to concentrate so much on money now dat somtimes I forget about da pure joy of writting. Being able to take yourself away from life's ills however u do it is an important tool to have. I used to do dat with football didn't make it to the nfl and started doing music to get me away from da bullshit. I have been worried so much about money latly dat I forgot why I love this shit so much thank u 4 reminding me
one. Good shit man.

Only negative thing I would have to say (this is being really fucking picky 2) is dat I felt afta the 1st chours the flow feel off a tad but the message was so powerful I think only a real asshole could say anything bad about dat ( I guess I am dat asshole!!) Good shit keep it up I will look forward to reading more OM from u

[iceberg]

WOW that shit was great yo u got talent ur flow is great

nice peace out IcE