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Last edited by Illus'; November 23rd, 2008 at 02:47 PM
Upping for feed. It won't be no sleeping on this shit.
This piece was alright nothing really special. Illus Artis had a coo flow but it could have been better at points, but he show'd good vocab usage. And Miss Clit, Try and use multis in only 2 bars when doing topicals. Try to keep your structure consistent. And you use basic vocab try using a few words that'll make the reader look it up. But this was ok...g'd luck with it.
Chapters Of A ffliction
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^^ agree...ms clit had some great flow which made the piece come together more...illus you had some good vocab and both fell a lil weak at certain parts of the piece...try ta stay consistant throughout the whole piece especially when doing a collab...9.2/10
Illus...
that wasn't too bad... i didn't really feel your first few lines at all though, something about rhyming for the sake of it doesn't do it for me unless you got an illy flow... and this, did not. on the plus side you kept on topic and didn't falter even for the amount you did try to use a more complicated structure
the middle part was the best with the short bursts of thought... it came off the best
"Cures my hand, God's gift day and night I practice. Never slack this.
Rest I skip. pass through the 4 stages of Sleep. Rem is missed.
Catch grips. Eyes with bags, hence my pencil strokes with an ill tip.
Mimic any image. Perfected even if perplexed. I'm God's gift."
all in all your rhyme scheme got lost too many times for me to really enjoy it... not even sure what 'perfection' is s'posed to rhyme with...
Miss...
first i gotta say i wasn't feeling the use of periods to break up the second lines of your couplets... to me that's a 'textcee' thing that doesn't translate well into something spoken... so that killed the flow for me... but better rhymes for sure at least than Illus(no offence man) i enjoyed the beginning of it best... then it got stretched as you tried to continue your storyline... not a big deal, it usually happens to a piece...
ending... was poor, wtf was 'insomnia' rhyming with? errr... oh well
Overall... neither did a terrible job of attacking the topic... but you didn't work together at all really... just two seperate pieces... both of em seemed rushed as well
I feel as if you could have done better... I give it a C+
pz
Hence Forward
Thanks for all feed. I'll work on all of that stuff.
"D.V.R.a.k.a.M.C. is no longer here and has given up account"
tight but need elavating
you gon be good work on flow
7/10
Appreciate the feed.
Oh at the rushed part yeah it was
but I just haven't wrote in a little so
I just wanted to write what was currently
on my mine...
Me and Miss will be collabing more so watch
out for us.
Last edited by Illus'; December 30th, 2005 at 04:56 PM
werd to my sexy. Upping for more feed....
"D.V.R.a.k.a.M.C. is no longer here and has given up account"
This Was A Nice Piece
No Reall Slagging In This Shit
Vocab And Flow Wer On Point
Structure Was Nice Two
Not To Much I Didnt Like About The Piece
This Was A Nice Drop
Grade: B+
Last edited by SyCo_187; December 30th, 2005 at 08:36 PM Reason: Spelled A Word Wrong
Thanks for the feed. Upping.
Nice, your flows blend together, I would have wanted to see more description, but still a good topical ... nice
I'm not back...I'm simply bored out of my mind.
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*Moon Walks*
appreciate the feed..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=261066
yo i drop some feed...could ya'll at least do the same.
Chapters Of A ffliction
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