Incomplete....J.T. Tribute....verse one

[Tae Profit]

My nigga jt - would of died and killed for dis nigga - n he would of did the same for me. He got killed cuz of mistaken identity.... niggaz thought he was me... this my tribute - verse one

Incomplete
My Brother - my nigga - whats a gun without a trigger -
slugs hit ya - straight ripped ya - knocked the blood out ya figure/
i was right there - right where - ya moms held ya frame -
ya eyes open - unfocused - as she screaming out ya name/
My partner - my friend - whats paper without a pen -
yellow tape - stomach aches - ya blood ripples in the wind/
couldnt breathe - couldnt leave - couldnt hear - couldnt see -
like a song without an end - ongoing - but incomplete/
that sight - that night - those tears - that life
gone.............................................. .......
tell me.......................whats a war without a fight -
whats shine without a light - whats livin without a life/
we all sin and pay the price....
but u paid for my debt - i cant make that right/

chorus, verse two(longer) and three(longer) all to come in next thread...holla at ya grown man

[Solido]

a decent drop
gd flow
try 2 work on rhymth
also try 2 elevate

[Tae Profit]

aight - good look yo...

[Percept]

looked like an aduio.... multies were forced...

there should be a rule: no incomplete verses.... it looks sloppy as fuck too

[Tae Profit]

i feel u cuzin - i knew it wasnt done but i wanted to put it out there...thanx for the criticism

ps...it is an audio

[Tae Profit]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260312
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260968

[Tae Profit]

4got the linx my bad

[Illus']

simple piece but I liked...

Try and use better vocabulary nice emotions.
Nice structure as well just take away that line
at the end of each sentence thing. Your strong
point is your emotions which is good in a piece.
Your weak point is your vocab usage. Just keep
practicing you'll get the hang of it.

Nice topic though to express your emotion is
always good.


Stay writing pz.

[Tae Profit]

thanx homie..........good look, ups 4 feedback.....

(and my 100 post!).............
eeeeeeexxxxxxcccceeeeelllleeennnnnnttttt

[Duval]

This was nice. I want to hear the audio. This had nice emotion. I can feel the pain. The imagery was also good. It's not much feedback I can give you because it's an incomplete verse. Keep your head high. And keep writting.

[Capo Status]

I agree with Illus this had it's many flaws but it was a very emotional piece and for some reason i liked it. If you drop on audio, then this would be a lot bettre just make it a little longer and use a lil better vocab. Keep it going.

[Tae Profit]

thanx for feedback..........ups