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Thread: Goodbye young lad, the sea is too deep for you to drink from etc. (unfinished)

  1. #1
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    Goodbye young lad, the sea is too deep for you to drink from etc. (unfinished)

    Naive, blinded from birth
    The plain narcissist emerges
    Wind succumbing to the atmosphere
    The pleasant meager sun fades
    Dreams of ascension plague the
    man's trembling thoughts as they rush in
    fragmented morsels on his palet
    driven haphazardly by invisible hands
    invisibly handed an unblemished man
    the worn figure of a vagabond
    playing wistfully against a backdrop of the evolving
    the eve settles along his eyes
    and he still travels, future poking holes in his mask

    press the lingering obstacles
    he rests his cheek against the cold glass
    breathing pictures of frost beside him
    yet the mirror remains unchanged.
    trees droop to haggard blades of grass
    as they glimpse through
    disheartened by the flash of sorrow witnessed
    as the wagon swerves by in a stupor
    a summer mostly celestial
    scratching frantically to hold itself up
    mind shallow with self pity
    as he left the country palace in his wake
    the realization came
    he'd return soon, but it would never seem the same

    Dorian Gray perched like a lantern, flickering drastically
    braced aginst crawling wisps of fog
    l'image parfait d'une blague sinistre
    rouge dans les joues, visage comme une oiseau
    blanc et rose dans les mains comme un enfant
    la musique sera son maitre, quand meme
    demain je deviendra une ange nouvelle
    dear, muddled thoughts will create tremors
    my smarmy curiosity cuts a bit jagged
    but my hand moves unsteadily
    until we wake together

    i climb into the room
    face sliding gently across its frame
    red and sorry, untimely entrance
    creates the atmosphere of a
    funeral unattended...
    you won't change but my words might
    propositions of scum
    reading jack kerouac in the glow of the hipster beside me
    everything else is dim, and your eyelids are heavy
    sick of staring into
    the crisp morning, waiting, two cigarettes in the ashtray

    a broke individual
    bought a pack a day for three weeks
    held his breath so
    he wouldn't be made to speak
    poking holes in the balloons
    so they wouldn't float without him
    and so he kept his eyes to the clouds
    waiting for someone to come pick him up

    you were just an ordinary dream
    everything that mattered for a couple days
    i made a mixtape for you
    with a drawing taped on the front
    but there is a light that never goes out
    I read some words beside it once
    it made me think of the time
    you promised things would stay the same

    i lied twice
    both times I said I loved you.
    the first time was a mistake, but
    i meant harm the second.
    sometimes i tried to rub off on you
    teach you a lesson or something
    but the thorn in my side
    made me stare across the dark
    while your breath eroded
    to a whisper

    i don't wanna sink to the bottom with you
    sorry about that whole summer
    eighteen years taught me nothing
    im just learning with every step now
    i bet you've never
    even really heard me laugh
    well i've laughed but not around you
    its just you can always go back
    and I can only keep treading
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  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! A.O.D's Avatar
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    wow... wonderful really, I dont understand french (pertainting to one verse) but it was great, you should finish soon ...

  3. #3
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    Thanks. I'd translate it for you, but it sounds better in french, haha.

  4. #4
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    upppp

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    uppppp

  6. #6
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    Yo this was dope, straight up, nothin' wrong with it.
    But word, i don't understand French neither Lol.
    I want to see the finish soon.

  7. #7
    Banned Nostradomus.'s Avatar
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    Maccy maccy maccy. Great drop, great read. the first 3 stanzas were sick. especially the opener, which made me wanna go on and read everything else. i read this 2wice, just to make sure i didnt miss anything. the vocabulary was sick and very complex, everything was fluent and wasnt jumping around. nice job man....*nominates*

  8. #8
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    upping this fa'real

  9. #9
    Rev-Capone
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    I really like the beginin......it's great...keep it up...

  10. #10
    Paradoxymoron Nib Oswald's Avatar
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    Some frickityfracking awesome stuff in here, though I have to say the first half was much tighter and brilliant than the second.

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    IJL: Because 'NAMBLA' was already taken.

  11. #11
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    .............

    You must be swimmin with the fish cause' this shit was deep! (ok sorry, that was korny)..But Still I wanna read da Finished Version as well

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