lyrical invasion

[affilion]

this is a lyrical invasion from the white mic checka 212/ screwin shit up like i was the albino son of dj screw/ spittin acid rain to ignite a flame and engulf you in pain/ im the lyrical messia now go and spead it main/ system eruption with the abruption of the king bow down/ words echoing like thunder through your town what now/ i am simply an intity perfectibly a work of art/ not a self brager but im slicker than thou art/ never mind the grime that you hear all the time im about to kidnap the game shit aint gonna be the same once you hear me rip it main

[b_rEEz]

alrite....just some advice kid....make ya structure better so people can read

Like this



this is a lyrical invasion from the white mic checka 212/
screwin shit up like i was the albino son of dj screw/<----- get rid of the slashes..

decent rhyming....a bit of flow...no wordplay to make it go well...but meh
pick a better topic kid, and drop hard...keep up

[<Supreme>]

rhymed well
gd flow
sort out the lay out

topic's a bit over-used
(loads newbs used it wen they join)

7/10

keep it up

[<Supreme>]

o yh,
u need to leave links to 2 pieces tht uve commented on or this will get closed

but keep it up