User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: My Own UnBorn Child

  1. #1
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,207
    Battle Record
    3-3

    My Own UnBorn Child



    Love
    Tender, Desire
    Caring, charming, Darling
    Adore,Admire,Glorify relationship
    fling,thrusting,liking
    sweet, passion
    Hatred.

    I thrust my private into her,
    she screams with agony of passion.
    kiss her lips with source of compassion,
    her soft skin feels like cat fur.
    My fingertips slowly goes through her hair,
    and she looks into my eyes, I felt afraid.
    You know that feeling of a sharp blade
    going through you? It was like her cold stare.
    "You think this will do honey?" "It has to"
    I start to pick up. Her fingers grasping my arm.
    Nails sinking into my skin, "faster baby faster"
    Breathless my lungs are, like injecting cancer.
    But I did inject, but it didn't mean no harm.
    Got off top of her. Sweat coursing down my face,
    she stares at me "hopefully this will do honey"
    Like end of court, hopefully this will be the case,
    besides only 11 babies died from her tummy.

    Pain
    Bother, nuisance.
    Hurting, Afflicting, aching
    twinge, throe, pang, punishment
    Annoying, suffering, smarting
    Feel, blood
    pleasure

    Grasping onto the handle bars on the bed,
    screaming to the top of my lungs; sound of thunder.
    Hopefully a angel will be born from the deep under.
    my face red. Constipating of what’s between my legs.
    He looks into my eyes and he sees the eye of the devil,
    tears smearing down my cheeks, "hopefully this is it,
    cause I worked hard and kept myself healthy and shit"
    I sway in fear as the agony of pain has reached it's level.
    like doing number two in the bathroom, except with blood.
    The fungus smell hits my nostrils, my husband on the floor,
    four hours of labor and my stomach is so sore,
    "what happen to him?" and then heard a hard thud as the blood
    .....Increasingly flood.

    Angry
    furious, livid.
    smoldering,raging,bitering
    wrathful, splenetic, galled, indignant.
    cutting, censoring, annoying
    distressed,agressive
    Calm

    Her hands around my neck; gagging me.
    Feeling my throat being punctured by her fingers,
    a death feeling inside of me quietly lingers,
    "honey, honey, please I can't breathe"
    "Your the key to my twelve babies death,
    now you must pay" she said through her breath.
    My eye's rolling backwards, "O god Please!"
    Losing conscious. Her arms were free
    but I couldn't move to attack that wicked bitch,
    my body was numb. Then I heard a *click*
    "now this should keep you busy"
    Looked on my legs, both strapped tightly
    then something looking like teeth’s moving
    a machinery that has the power to remove anything,
    so cold and sharp, I felt it went through me
    .....My body feel so numb and the pain wasn't lightly.
    It was agony

    Happy
    Joyous, carefree
    satisfying,easy-going,caring
    relieve,buoyant,lively,light-hearted
    befitting,encouraging,confirming.
    appropriate, bright
    euphoric.

    Darkness came forth upon my sight
    and with a switch, the power of light.
    A plate in hand, walking to the door,
    the door of where my child lay and rest.
    My palms touch the knob and I turn it.
    with a little small force, It opens up.
    I lay the plate down, peering into his eyes,
    seeing dry tears but I feel no remorse.
    I bend my knees to kiss his cheek, and
    said "Hey you know what..?" when I got
    up and walked toward the door "you look
    just like your daddy"...*giggles*




    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...46#post3618446
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...55#post3618455
    Last edited by ITawAPuddyKat; December 17th, 2005 at 12:06 AM Reason: Title messed up.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

  2. #2
    Intelligence....
    Guest
    well done you were creative and you had emotion in this keep it up ........also this was a good topic

  3. #3
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,207
    Battle Record
    3-3
    Cool........Uppin............

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

  4. #4
    Banned Dat-Kid.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Posts
    1,227
    Battle Record
    1-1
    this was really good i like what you wrote about it is a really good topic....it was real creative...and its a good style of writing...keep it up

  5. #5
    I'm Back
    Guest
    This was creative. I don't see how you came up with that topic from that pic. I would've wrote about a lonley death or something. Anyway, I like the structure and flow of this. I also like the emotion you put into this. This was very well put together. Keep up the good work

    - Miss Clitoria Cummings

  6. #6
    The Audio King .Silence.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Norfolk,Va
    Posts
    6,564
    Battle Record
    35-27
    I Really Like Reading This Piece Right Here.the Way You Approched This Piece Was Amazing.when I Started To Read It I Could Already Picture What Was Going On In The Piece You Did A Real Good Job With Your Imagry.and When I Also Read This Piece You Had Really Deep Emotion In This Piece Cuz When I Read It I Felt A Strong Feeling To This Piece.you Were Real Creative With This Piece And Thats One Of The Things That Kept Me To Read It Except For The Opner Of It.the Opener Of This Piece Really Had My Eyes Open To Read This.i Give This Piece A 10/10.keep Up The Good Work I Really Liked This Piece

    Distinct Advantage
    MIXTAPE IS OUT NOW
    [SOUNDCLICK]8054116[/SOUNDCLICK]

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


  7. #7
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,207
    Battle Record
    3-3

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

  8. #8
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,207
    Battle Record
    3-3
    O_o.............................

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! tjbthakilla's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    persburg, VA
    Age
    35
    Posts
    344
    Battle Record
    0-9
    yall wanna join RB's Finest
    go to http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=257286
    if ya know whats mean

  10. #10
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,207
    Battle Record
    3-3
    Um No thanks for asking.........

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

  11. #11
    StRiNgThEoRy
    Guest
    Great piece...

    Vocab: Good
    Creativity: Great
    Flow: OK
    Structure: OK

    VERDICT: 8/10

    Comment: Great piece, great opening lines...really made me wanna read on...

  12. #12
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,207
    Battle Record
    3-3
    O_o...Lol ok......Uppin.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

  13. #13
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    990
    Battle Record
    1-5
    Nice piece, pretty complex.

    I felt the words u used to make the imagery more real, your emotio was on a constantly cool base through the piece, these:

    Happy
    Joyous, carefree
    satisfying,easy-going,caring
    relieve,buoyant,lively,light-hearted
    befitting,encouraging,confirming.
    appropriate, bright
    euphoric.

    were a big help on keeping emotions firin on all cylinders too, you had a good concept and played it out well, this was a really good piece.

  14. #14
    The Topical Juggernaut ITawAPuddyKat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,207
    Battle Record
    3-3
    Thank you..............

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    ...I don't Go Right. I go Left...

Similar Threads

  1. For My Unborn Child 2
    By CLA919 in forum Closed Poems
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: January 11th, 2011, 04:58 AM
  2. My Unborn Child
    By C.Wrighter in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: October 25th, 2007, 12:59 PM
  3. This was to my Unborn Child....
    By Dope Fresh. in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: May 29th, 2007, 08:14 PM
  4. My Unborn Child
    By C.Wrighter in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: April 1st, 2007, 05:20 PM
  5. me and you and our unborn child
    By LyricallyInclined in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: December 6th, 2005, 08:45 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •