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Thread: Racism...verbal + bennett.

  1. #1
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Racism...verbal + bennett.

    Racism. by...verbal and benett.

    Verbal:

    Introduction.

    December 14th 2005, I’m at school, see a black, the hates in my eyes…
    Dispies…despite it a rise, above my views, but then he smiles at me…
    Punch you lose…red eyed anger spinning my head I’m confused…
    Teacher grabs my torn coat, now racism I’m being a accused…

    The fight.

    I scream don’t smile at me mother fucker, see animosity, in its purest…
    Rawest, hate to the core, at least I’m honest…so I think fuck it and hit him…
    To the floor like a collapsing building when your, on the 28th floor…
    Poor…dudes nose broke in two like my heart when my grandmother died…
    He’s dizzy…heads swinging side to side…gone inside my mind…bright
    Blind…anger…takes over my vision my sight…
    Like a possession…aggression is just fixated in my eyes…arise…
    My knife…jab it into his already fat, flaccid chest….
    Were in the science lab, so I grab the acid next…
    The fights over…the ambulance told me his brain has gone depressed.

    Prison.

    Okay so I’ve reached the jail bars, racial scars, taunt me…
    As I remenis on my bliss’ filled past…cast, aside…into depression…
    I see all the black prisoners…plotting has became my obsession…
    Grab my words together, they shall act as my fearless weapon…
    Shouting war cries, at the top of my voice…DIE…as I rejoice…
    Boi-stress, Jesus as my seamstress, I’m seamless…so forgive me if I seem stressed…
    The guards grab me, violently and throw to the cold blood stained stair-well…
    So fair-well, I’m in the hole for now.
    Five days later and I’m out, the light. Bright, hurts my eyes…
    Out on bail ? now that nigger will never survive.

    Home sweet home.

    Home sweet home, vengance is my only passion, its in fashion, blown…
    …………………So I’m going to do it right this time…………………….
    Make this murder look like the dudes accident prone, slow’ n...
    Down by the bloody tears in my eye…stigmata…so I put my hands to the sky…
    Pray for forgiveness…but father…I have to this, it’s my pride on the line…
    His time has come for my In-prison-ment to come back around like karma…
    Drama… from every angle…cheese wire strangled…cut down…devoured…
    I don’t give a fuck…this kid grassed like a coward…en-powered…my hate…
    Zero, debate… so I’m running always from the police now as he starts to suffer-cate.

    R.I.P to all those killed by racism…we as humans should help in a cause to stop this issue world wide.

    Thank you.




    Bennett:



    INTRO: there are millions of people
    that suffer the fear of racism attacks
    and 30% of them take their own lifes
    just to get away from the racism.

    BENNETTS VERSE:
    i was walkin to my next lesson fast because i was late,
    but i got jumped on the way because of my race,
    i had a broken nose and had to have 10 stitches in my face,
    i had two teeth knocked out so i speak with a lisp,
    all because some guy who is predujist,
    it makes me think about the cruelty in the world,
    you not allowed a job because your race,age or if your a girl,
    i was scared to go back to school for a while,
    so my parents threatend me they will move away a hundred miles,
    its vile,
    i missing school because of some racist dude,
    who can be arlright depending on his mood,
    its doesnt matter about black or white,
    what matters is your friendship and are you nice,
    and our human rights,
    some times i think is the world worth the roll of the dice,
    shall i stick to the roll i get or take my own life,
    but then i realize im not the only one gettin judged by my race,
    theres millions of people stuck in my place,
    white people vs black people that shouldnt be the case,
    is life really worth the chase,
    or am i awaiting another attack,
    just because the culour of my skin isn't black,
    i cant help it i was born like that,
    its almost every day im gettin racually attacked,
    every time i go for some help,
    he's always there miming "you better not tell",
    i can hear him in my head he's startin to yell,
    i thought about killing myself so much my heads startin to swell,
    i finanily pick up the knife and run it across my throat,
    i was killing my self and its all the rascist fault,
    this is the moral of this for those who don't have clue,
    is STOP RACISM BEFORE RACISM STOPS YOU....
    Last edited by Poeta Demonio; December 14th, 2005 at 02:51 PM
    AI


    “¡Viva la Revolución!”

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! bennett's Avatar
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    yea tht is fuckin good.............................

  3. #3
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    yo this was pretty good...i was feelin the topic..it was interesting...
    the flow was smooth and strucutre was good sum places lacked evenness
    rhymes were good and they were complex, simple and sum just good
    vocab was iight not all that but pretty descent..overall this was good
    by both you..each verse was tight..keep it up...peace

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! bennett's Avatar
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    yo appreciate it thanks..... we thought of don this because its an every day problem in real life

  5. #5
    Im -not- BacK
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    ima do this bit simply cos im tired
    gd flow
    gd rhymin mainly
    both verses were tight
    bit dodgy in sum places
    overall tight piece
    8/10
    Don't Do Drugs EP is coming soon.

    Remember Me?

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! bennett's Avatar
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    thanks............................................ .

  7. #7
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    pretty ill nice topic and flow and rhymes n shit i liked it good job!

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! bennett's Avatar
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    thanks keep up the feed back lol....................

  9. #9
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    Ye this shit was good.I felt the flow and really liked it.Keep it up.
    Thiocfaidh Ár Lá

    Originally Posted by Percept
    I love 2 suck cock,cause the only girls I get are the blind ones

  10. #10
    You've Earned a Custom Title! bennett's Avatar
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    can we get any more feedback???????????/

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Black Hornet's Avatar
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    the structure was good. I like the use of complex rhymes and i thought your topic was pretty good because of its seriousness. Well done y'all.

  12. #12
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    I dont like to rate some things, because i cant hear you're delivery but...this is decent, not dope...Structure was off a little but im feeling the verses....But topic isnt original....Played


    Drop something original
    PM for battle

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! bennett's Avatar
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    appreciate it we thought to do somethin tht happens to millions of people and somethin nor original.....

  14. #14
    All Things Must Pass. Issue's Avatar
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    What i liked the most about this is that you's were both into it, you's both had verse I could see that you spent time on, and if not tiem you spent something on making them right. There were flaws, but I could see potential in both of you, the first I;ve seen from either. I'm gonna be stern with my review here, but who reads from dickriding, boys? Listen to me...

    Verbal Insanity.
    First man, what is up with the structure?! Ok, I have to admit, everyone uses the whole .... style when they write at first, its the easiest way, i did it until someone pointed it out to me and I seen how it ruined the flow and all this other stuff, you don't need them, it really nags at the piece and in the readers eyes brings it down to a lower level. Your overall rhyming and vocab were decent, something to grow from I guess. Your verse seemed very spoken word to me, like its something that needs to be said to be understood, as each line tends to follow on from the next but in text that never comes out as good unless you are a really great poet, its something I see that you have but you need to honour it into your work, sothe reader can sit back and understand it each and everytime. You had good emotion I guess, I wasnt really feeling the whole entire story as it seems played to me, it wasn't bad but I've seen it many times before. Your opener was awful I'm sorry, I really didn't like it, I wasnt feeling your closer either, The verse where you were in prison stood out most to me. Overall, this was ok, nothing special but Id like to see more from you man, elevate and good luck.

    Bennet.
    Ok, your verse was stronger, it had more feeling to it or maybe it was just that I prefer the style you chose to the other guys, still not a great verse but better. You lacked in places such as your vocab and overall rhymescheme, but you made up for it with a very nice closer...
    he's always there miming "you better not tell",
    i can hear him in my head he's startin to yell,
    i thought about killing myself so much my heads startin to swell,
    i finanily pick up the knife and run it across my throat,
    i was killing my self and its all the rascist fault,
    this is the moral of this for those who don't have clue,
    is STOP RACISM BEFORE RACISM STOPS YOU....
    Thems some real nice lines man, very good work on that.


    Overall, i wasnt really feeling the fact these verse were put together, but it wasn't the worst thing I ever read. You guys have potential, just keep to it and go from here.


    Good luck

  15. #15
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