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Thread: trapped in a snow blocked cave

  1. #1
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    trapped in a snow blocked cave

    Trapped In a Snow Blocked Cave


    Trapped in this cave god onl knows when i'm gettin out
    I Couldnt understand what the fuck this all about....
    had an idea sat rubbing sticks together to make fire
    to bad i didnt have a lighter, thats what i would desire
    and maybe sum food to erase the fearceness of my hunger
    Suddenly i heard thunder, i rumble from sumthin under
    the ground was shaking and under me was cracking
    It was an animal laughing and pointing it's paw at me
    squeeked sumthin at me like sayin come and catch me
    i didnt bother with an animal tried to find a way out
    all i had was a candy bar and a cumpass pointing south
    i knew it was broken when i tripped and fell in this cave
    I felt so sad like i was the darkness's numba one slave
    livin in this cave was like diggin my own god damn grave
    i wish i couild wish the pain away from my coldened soul..
    let the tears out that i no longer could hold in no more
    i dont know why the devil is doing this to me for...
    i neva did anything to anger or even think to annoy him
    all i eva said in one of drops that god could destroy him
    but now that i'm weak and tired i couldnt do it for him
    I was like the angel of above against god, i adore him
    god saved my life many times from satin the evil one
    this postion is hard like S.W.A.T on level one........
    All i knew is thta i was in the cave and no way to leave
    i was suffocating i barely coild see and i could breathe
    i started to weeze and sneeze i was gettin sicker..
    darkneess gettin thicker i saw my life die like a flicker
    and in the after life that memory stuck to me like a sticker

  2. #2

  3. #3
     
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    the thing that was good about this was the emotion. good job on that, the wording was a little bad. the spelling wasnt good at all, the structure was good, flow was alright. overall this was a just "ok" piece. keep writing.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mcl's Avatar
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    good emotion in there realk nice drop your flow is tight as your rhymes 9/10
    Runnin with
    the divided
    PoEtic JustUs
    spitfire

    OP's
    The young child

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    Cross Hatching

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  5. #5
    Newbie Absinthe's Avatar
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    I thought it was pretty good Skrib. Creative and original, haven't run into this kinda topic before, so it was new and exciting you could say for me. Really like the consistency you have with religion in your drops. Pretty good in my opinion.

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  6. #6
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    thanks all of you...for the feed...uppin

  7. #7
    Destiny
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    quite basic. of course nothings wrong with that, but its what i noticed first. rhyme scheme pretty simple. i guess the stronger aspect of this was its meaning. we all know what it feels like to feel like we're in this type of situation, unless you were speaking literally. not bad overall, interesting use of comparison though, with things like SWAT and what not. but good job, keep it up.

    peACE


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    Overall Rap Battle Record ~118Wins~10Losses~

  8. #8
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    iight..thanks for the feed..uppin

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