good shit here homie.You had a good storyline to go with your topic and thats good.Also you had good Imagry and good emotion in your piece too.When I read it I could get a picture in my head of what was going on in this piece.Also you had a good structure and good use of your vocabulary too.Keep up the good work homie I hope to see more from you soon.Check out my new OM called written thoughts when you get a chance.