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Thread: me and you and our unborn child

  1. November 27th, 2005, 01:26 PM #1
    LyricallyInclined
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    me and you and our unborn child

    -verse 1-

    hey honey how you doin lately....and by the way hows the baby
    i really think you should hear what i got to say...i dont wanna hear cryin daily
    if you wish to have this child...you outta know its gon be buck wild
    just like it daddy, uncle and its gon commit eveil so god damn vile
    its gon' grow up to fast as soon as we look back ten year will have passed
    im too young for this im not ready to be a father i want life in my grasps
    and all these doctors sayin ima leave you dont listen they tryin to mislead you
    i know that for a fact i wanna be by your side for you ill swollow my pride
    im gonna be in my childs life...dont i have that right...i cant ever say bye
    i want to be the one you wake up next to every morning
    wether you belive it or not im gonna let you know without you life is boreing
    i want to be the one and only thats in your life...will you be my wife
    i want a serious answer...yes or no...and no im not gonna ask twice
    i dont feel the need to...cuz if the answer's no then ima stay with you
    please tell me what the answer is no i aint askin outta the blue
    baby you make my life complete lets go out side and sit under the moon

    -hook-

    baby you make my life complete...please dont get up out ya seat
    its only me you and my unborn child these questions i wont repeat
    if i told you i loved you......then i had to of ment it
    cuz i do.....i wont lie about that and my money..i give to you...go spend it


    ----------------------------------------
    MORE TO COME IM WORKING ON THE REST DAY BY DAY DOING THE BEST I CAN SO MY GIRLFRIEND KNOWS I LOVE HER

    ----------------------------------------
    NEED FEED BACK ON THIS PEICE GOOD AND BAD POINTS
    Last edited by LyricallyInclined; November 27th, 2005 at 01:29 PM
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  2. November 27th, 2005, 01:28 PM #2
    LyricallyInclined
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  3. November 27th, 2005, 03:17 PM #3
    EyeBite
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    this was good..topic seemed different and thats a good thing
    rhymes were good flow was pretyy smooth..strcuutrew was even
    vocab was iight.....complexity wasnt really here........
    overall this was like a 8/10..verse was good..hook was iight
    just keep elevating.....peace
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  4. November 27th, 2005, 09:56 PM #4
    LyricallyInclined
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    thanx for the feed on this peice i wrote it 2 days ago in like 10 min
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  5. November 29th, 2005, 09:49 PM #5
    LyricallyInclined
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    uppin......................for..........more..feed
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  6. November 30th, 2005, 03:07 PM #6
    LyricallyInclined
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  7. December 4th, 2005, 03:02 AM #7
    LyricallyInclined
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    uppin for more feed dont sleep on this i need to know opinions so i can make the second verse better than the first
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  8. December 4th, 2005, 01:23 PM #8
    mcl
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    that was a strong topic and u pulled it off, ur ryhmes kept me intrested unlike some of the pieces i read, u got the structure on lock as well il give u a 8/10 and that is being tight, peace
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    The young child

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  9. December 4th, 2005, 01:45 PM #9
    soberSEOULja
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    the flow was good but at the same time, i felt out of breathe trying to link each 2 lines together....but yeh, i liked the topic alot, especailly since my boy just got my best friend pregnet haha, and it reminded me of those 2.....good job future daddy
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  10. December 5th, 2005, 10:54 AM #10
    LyricallyInclined
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    thanx for the feedback on this peice im still workin on the second verse
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  11. December 6th, 2005, 08:45 PM #11
    LyricallyInclined
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