..Full Of Himself..

[J.Sjon]

Jea, Dis Old...Posted On Gworld Unda My Otha Name...Word


My Muthafuckin Mind Is A Pit...Filled 2 Da Tip...Wit Saliva & Spit
No One Raps Harder Than Him.......You Niggas Softer Than Shit!
Fuck Costs, Each Thought Pays Off.....Latex Body, Rubber-Cloth
Imaginary, You Cant Invision Me...White Wings, Call Me A Moth!
Rap To A Beat In My Dome, 'Dogs-Wine'...I Make 'Bitches Moan'
Sit On This Priceless Throne...'Tossin Weight' Like Muscle Bones
Slim Jim Trust Me, My Beef Is LONG.....People Repeat My Songs
I'm Hea, So Poof! You Gone...Tuck In Ass Like Bedtime Thongs!
Come At Me Wrong? Grew Up Hood Smart........You A Hood Tart
Never Takin Niggas 'Dicks Out Ya Cheeks'.....Til Da 'Cock-Farts'!
Nite Pop Tarts!, & Stop Hearts...From 'Beatin'....Now Its Irregular
Beggin Ya?, I'll 'Hustle' Ya Life...So Ringtone & I'ma 'CELL-ULar'
Stupid Faggets My Rhymes A Weapon.......Short Shots Deflectin
YES I'ma Keep On 'Hypin Bill'.......Like Clinton High In Elections!
Fuck Usher, This Year.......My Whole Verse Speaks Confessions
Filled Wit Lessons, In Dis Thread......Til Ya Learnins Congested!
Problems In Shootin? I Have None....Gat Lines Dont Need Guns
Propane Shots In Da Ass..Have Hemroids Fall Out Ya Ear-Drum!
Hear Dat Shit Hit Da Ground...Fat Stomachs, I'd Tuck Em In Now
Read This Out Loud....."HE'S A BEAST, & I'M A FUCKIN CLOWN!"

Foreal...



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...87#post3405087
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...36#post3405136

[Mic D]

Jea, Dis Old...Posted On Gworld Unda My Otha Name...Word


My Muthafuckin Mind Is A Pit...Filled 2 Da Tip...Wit Saliva & Spit
No One Raps Harder Than Him.......You Niggas Softer Than Shit!
^^^ehh....aight opener

Fuck Costs, Each Thought Pays Off.....Latex Body, Rubber-Cloth
Imaginary, You Cant Invision Me...White Wings, Call Me A Moth!
^^whats the latex rubber shit got to do with anything????

Rap To A Beat In My Dome, 'Dogs-Wine'...I Make 'Bitches Moan'
Sit On This Priceless Throne...'Tossin Weight' Like Muscle Bones
^^Muscle bones???? uh nooooooo.... makes no sense

Slim Jim Trust Me, My Beef Is LONG.....People Repeat My Songs
I'm Hea, So Poof! You Gone...Tuck In Ass Like Bedtime Thongs!
^^you have a short bar rhyme scheme which is good sometimes... but this is staggered with u just throwing in rhymes that have nothing to do with the surrounds

Come At Me Wrong? Grew Up Hood Smart........You A Hood Tart
Never Takin Niggas 'Dicks Out Ya Cheeks'.....Til Da 'Cock-Farts'!
^^whats 'come at me wrong' got to do with how u grew up.... why would u put that in that line????? and cock-farts...blah

I stopped there cuz its just getting to be boring....... Your attempting wordplay which is good.... but your throwing meaningless filler in all over the place.... alot of katz have filler lines.... but you throw filler for half bars and it just seems stupid..... throws everyline off and makes em seem weaker then some of em should be....blah.... try to control your filler more and cut it back alot

[TwixSin]

way to add ...'s to your lines so they look structured.

[J.Sjon]

LMAO Hate Is Beautiful..........I Dont Trip, I Laugh It Off Ez

[EyeBite]

strucutre was good..flow was good...rhymes were good
topic was aiight......it was kind of cool....jus work on vocab
up it a bit..and make dops more complex....overall this was aiight
jus keep elevating...and keep workin on wordplay..peace

[J.Sjon]

Preciate Ya "Positive" Feed ^^ But Honestly, This Shits OLD...So Da Critiques Dont Phase Me Much I Ain Stressin Nada

Word.

[EyeBite]

hey leave fee on my OM....Halloween..thanks

[<Supreme>]

u need to develop the meaning, i dint read it all cos, it dont got a meanin,
dude, wot i read is a load of good rhymes, but in da wrong song, like schlong thong
u know what i sayin

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=247007