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Thread: American Dream

  1. October 28th, 2005, 06:26 AM #1
    NaS
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    American Dream

    Living this country's dream...

    Couldn't be possible without feeding it's laws-n-flags to propable -- constipated bulls, and injecting the bull-shit into our people...
    Meaningless colors on the flag -- it aint too watchable, even the bulls ignore it's stripes, though colored red, are still invisible...
    It aint dismissable, this conspiracy will live, be passed and changed on as to be biblical...

    This dream's conceivable, "Freedom"'s pronouncable? Sound's like im freeing-dumb because our people can't understand this basic truths...
    Technology inventing beams to kill our youth, our "teens" in their 8's and 9's are fighting for "Free Dumb", arriving home "mind boxed" like teller booths...
    Government licking "Thumbs", flipping the taxed cash they gained from dumbs, to fund unwanted projects that become forced upon these people...

    All pleasures that come with pain, are also pleasures that devils gain, asthough god wasn't good and only neutral, while the devil is short and simple...

    Sexing and parenting at young ages is far too suttle, yet the pleasure that was attached made the experience worth more then rubble, and shall be primal...

    Pleasure exchanged for pain, the babys aborted, not even a chance to gain battle scars, wrinkles are scalpal imported, christians bombing these clinics, erasing god's mark on it's workers is sinic..
    Are christians demonic? How can harming to stop harm be logic? It's hypocritical but yet ironic, at how stereotypes can be applied to race, but not religious groups and it's prolifics.

    -------------

    Wrote it in poetic scriptures, and many people told me that it was good but was more open mic matieral, so decided to put it here. Hoepfully I can make the Hall of Fame nominations and eventually the hall of fame to have something under this account.

    -one
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  2. October 28th, 2005, 06:48 AM #2
    Beans
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    a that was some tight nas i was feeling it my nigga keep doing wat u doing
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  3. October 28th, 2005, 07:08 AM #3
    NaS
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    Thanks for the feed beans, uppin
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  4. October 28th, 2005, 09:17 AM #4
    The Vortex
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    pretty nice yo.. adventurous of you to use a poetical rhyme scheme.. i dont usualy drop like that on om coz a thinking people might miss the rhyming which they do.. but i still often drop like this.. you worked the internal thymes pretty well.. a couple of lines seemed a bit overstretched.. which made the format somewhat undesirable..
    concept was solidly delivered...a pretty complex piece with thought involved
    so a dope piece

    stay ups 1
    .................................................. ......................
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  5. October 28th, 2005, 10:16 AM #5
    Spul Ka Trinde
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    Nice spit yo,

    Had nice vocab and a hell of a topic, nice flow, wordplay was on the dot, I like the line talkin bout the colors of flags, it was off the chain man, Topic was nice and had a heavy effect with the wordplay, strucutre was nice and easy to stick wit wihich also helped the flow out like mad man.

    Good spit man
    keep it up

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  6. October 28th, 2005, 06:13 PM #6
    NaS
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    thnx for the feed, uppin
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  7. October 29th, 2005, 03:34 AM #7
    TheCrunkKing
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    it was good, only the struture was bad, but the flow had a good um..flow to it, and the vocab and rymes were good, 8.5/10


    Leave feed on mine
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244928
    Wins:11
    Losses:8

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  8. October 29th, 2005, 10:06 AM #8
    NaS
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    thnx i guess, uppin.
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  9. October 29th, 2005, 10:08 AM #9
    NaS
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    wow posted feed to this the same day i posted, forgot to post links, here
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244731
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=244724
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  10. October 29th, 2005, 11:42 AM #10
    warchild
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    This piece was half good and half annoying let me explain.
    Your vocab was good but you overused it in some of your bars and the structure of your pieces made it difficult to follow the story. But i liked the concept and made your feelings and thoughts felt on a lot of different topics so i can appreciate some of this piece. Like i said your vocab was good but overused here and there, the imagery suited the piece well but i think you could of been more graphic with it to draw in the reader more deeply.
    The flow wasnt great but your vocab made the piece good. The concept although done a lot of times before you still managed to add your own spin on the concept and made some good points. I enjoyed the piece but try and use your vocab better next time. A lot of big words dont make a better Om.
    Can you return the feed on my OM id appreciate it:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=245014
    I got caught for killing time but then i got away with words-Chino XL
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  11. October 30th, 2005, 09:24 AM #11
    EyeBite
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    pretty nice yo.. adventurous of you to use a poetical rhyme scheme.. i dont usualy drop like that on om coz a thinking people might miss the rhyming which they do.. but i still often drop like this.. you worked the internal thymes pretty well.. a couple of lines seemed a bit overstretched.. which made the format somewhat undesirable..
    concept was solidly delivered...a pretty complex piece with thought involved
    so a dope piece


    ^ i agree all the way
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  12. October 30th, 2005, 12:08 PM #12
    Zone
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    yea i agree with everybody that was tight

    :hand claps::
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  13. October 31st, 2005, 07:17 PM #13
    NaS
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    Thnx, uppin
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  14. October 31st, 2005, 07:22 PM #14
    [.Exodus.]
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    tight, i was feelin it, but you need some better structure, but if you was dooin it like that, you should have a title for that paragraph.


    like.

    Mothers Responce.
    .................................................. .........
    .................................................. .........
    .................................................. .........
    .................................................. .........
    .................................................. .........

    and blah blah blah.
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  15. October 31st, 2005, 10:35 PM #15
    !.VeRbZ.!
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    i thought u had 2 post links........?
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