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Thread: Delivery Services

  1. #1
    Narcicyst
    Guest

    Delivery Services

    DELIVERY SERVICE spit it at your doorstep...when you faced with more lines than Jack Nicholson's forehead....


    yao..fuck your roundhouse kicks my projectile is shoe racks/
    lumberjacks tools in feuds i'm swingin Pat Bateman's axe/
    my conversation fiendin for line doulbe like call waitin/
    spit it like Earnst do in jury duty i aint at all playin/
    verses givin you my words like multiple commitments/
    with verbal descriptions dope on paper like herbal perscriptions/
    resistance is hard without a ratio of fair action/
    bled past you a shirt we never stick like tight air vaccuums/
    like dance teachersforcin you to move with pressured steps/
    my measured edge make cleverly climbin like Special Ed/
    for your window of opportunity hastily/
    to break yall like bread durin b-boy conventions at bakeries/
    see i'm insane to beats/
    three times my arms in the spot of mad Doppleganger/
    first LP have a harsh follower like a stalker with anger/
    vomit deplements in buckets and you stunners are comin/
    violent before birth i kicked verses instead of my mother's stomach/
    and before i knew that words existed i first insisted/
    that i'm a cursed and twisted version of you pure statistics/
    i got it made like a child rapist that got you luring to his crib/
    meters are accurate another Jin Narcicyst had to kill em/
    havin conversations that go one way like Magver vision/
    so dont talk back like retired chiropracters that hate the job/
    got beats and verses fuckin crazy like rapists caught in psychiatric wards/
    so you back up like push ups and follow orders from the drill sarg/
    you stall like what we call limits in bathroom walls/
    see i'm gettin pissed off like toilet bowls at strip bars/
    felt like hits from the heart but it's not like a Bret The Hitmann rip off/
    well much lie to humble me, it shows like performances that you spit soft/
    off the record it's life itself i'm tryin to keep a grip on/
    spin off cuts of stell like robbin cutlery/
    this verse is fulla bombs from other countries/
    peep sniper burns like Montgomery/
    understandable but in court prove unstandable thru my summons speech/
    brain fluid of my structures too dense not even Hannibal could stomach me/
    servin mc\s one at a time there's nothin to lose tryin/
    but no one's gettin seconds like family food diets/
    wearily are tired whenever it's time to spit out bangers/
    while i'm barrin off the wall like coats and hangers/
    gotta see thru you like jabbing you with a half oval dagger/
    hard to reach like peace in the Middle East, i'm gettin stoned with strangers/
    no battle's ever been fairer see i'm known as the obnoxiuos faucet/
    tryin to establish contacts like Trust Bareing Optics/
    stay focused on the daily cuz time is money like wallets who built with clock in em....


    my skill's ill and all of the above...O.C.

  2. #2
    Narcicyst
    Guest
    if ya'll dont mind would you give me some feedback on this one please...personally its one of my favorite rhymes i have written...one

  3. #3
    Original Outlaw Domain 9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bottom of the Bottle
    Age
    41
    Posts
    501
    Battle Record
    2-3
    Yea, for being posted yesterday it's getting slept on... but to be honest. I wasn't really feeling this, it's kinda like you forced almost all your rhymes and fucked up your flow. It didn't have much of that to me. The rhymes themselves were good but there was no flow to me. If you try to force that many rhymes into a line extend the line to more syllables or have it run smoother. Not have such harsh changes in pronunciation and it'll be all good. This in a lyrical sense was good but holds no water...

    pz
    Artificial Intelligence
    *~P.U.R.E.~*
    Can't Fuck With Old School



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    Damn Girl!

  4. #4
    Newbie Supreme Phoenix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    The Chi
    Age
    45
    Posts
    13
    Metas was pretty nice though. It's all about the wordplay in the verse and that's cool.
    <img src="http://seemesmile.com/photos4/2795533a.jpg">
    <table style=filter:GLOW(color=orange, strength=6)"><FONT FACE="FONT NAME" SIZE="3" COLOR="yellow"><img src="http://seemesmile.com/photos4/2795533a.jpg"> The District.."Batchez"
    </FONT></TABLE>

  5. #5
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    holding down Maines game
    Age
    39
    Posts
    25
    Battle Record
    1-1
    narcicyst.. i like your flow... u wanna vote in my battle against killerchopsuey.. or comment on one of my flows
    - thanx
    "verbal descriptions dope on paper like herbal perscriptions".. nice
    yo if you like what i got to say hit me back

  6. #6
    Narcicyst
    Guest
    thanks for uppin people...and lemery i will see your battle post and other posts you have dropped and give you my 2 cents...one

  7. #7
    Tha Linez Drawn
    Guest
    and before i knew that words existed i first insisted/
    that i'm a cursed and twisted version of you pure statistics/

    These are tha best lines...I kinda feel like Dom, but I did notice a few jabs in there...keep elevatin'

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! kmfrob's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Liverpool , UK Comin to PLAY
    Age
    41
    Posts
    200
    aight i think they were bein a little harsh. yea sum of ya bars were too long but for the most part the flow was nice and ya vocab wasnt bad. it needs work but its still quite a good piece. ya goy sum tight lines in there its just sum lines work alot better than others. anyway check mine shinobi life aight peace
    Ms Dynamite
    The same gunmen that cry about surpression
    Of the white man and his racist oppression
    Go a church and give god his confession
    Gun in his pocket and crack in his possesion

    Guru:
    Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is i get more props and stunts than Bruce Willis

    Spearhead:
    It seemed strange to me was it strange to you
    Brothas on the street and everyone is scared of ya
    So how can ten Africans Represent America (Dream Team)
    Bullshit! it diddn't mean a thing
    Cos in the same year we saw Rodney King


  9. #9
    Enigmatic
    Guest

    .Hot Spit.

    This joint was pretty hot... the vocab. was really nice, and it had a good flow to it. You definetely showed your skills on this one kid. I'm uppin' this piece.

  10. #10
    Narcicyst
    Guest
    thanks for uppin and the feedbacks...it help a mafucka try to elevate namsayin...i got different styles when i rhyme but that type is the one i dont fuck around with much...i'm more into political subjects...but anyways good looking out...one

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