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Thread: Is this Rb? EVERYTHING EXPOSED

  1. October 13th, 2005, 07:08 AM #1
    Trema
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    Is this Rb? EVERYTHING EXPOSED

    I gotta get sum issues off my chest about this site, so i thort ul put it into a piece...

    Is this rb? for real? where there's plenty of biters and rhymers
    -i stay focused like cassius clay, the best still livin fighter
    net love net thugs, give me a pair of fucking net gloves
    -net beef aint on the street, go ask 1 of the mods for sum net relief
    this shit funny, u know why? coz in most of your rhymes you lie
    -tragedy this mum and dad that, please nigger-we aint guna cry
    you had the emotion but you had no devotion-you total crap
    -you had the vocab, but your structure is off key-you equal wack
    i came on here to up my vocabulary,crazy carl & jonny helped me
    -Warchild influenced me, Edicius left feed that pushed me
    but still, you have cowards trying be summit they can never digest
    -so i progress to elevate an keep my enemies laying on they chest

    net beef aint for real, you been playing too much gta
    net love aint for real, um not suprised if you gay
    net thugs net loves net drugs and sex
    what the fuck are you niggaz guna come up wid next

    i'm dig deeper than a mole and hurt u like a mother fucking cavity
    -i define gravity, why you mad? your feedback is the shit that helped me
    dont hurt me please i beg you um sorry, i know u a hardman
    -you benlaadam? well if you not your ass better run man
    i cant understand man! typeing away thinking you 1 of da goodfellas
    -now think clever we on rb, we cant even see each other fellas
    a battle is a battle, a newb mite be better than u wid 4000 post
    -forget wat you wrote, your whole rhyme scheme is a mother fucking joke
    rapbattles dot com i herd of this place thru an ex member
    -i remember my elevation took me from mid may to septemeber
    like a seed i listened to what the members said about my lines
    -used it to improve a little, to produce improved an beta rhymes

    net beef aint for real, you been playing too much gta
    net love aint for real, um not suprised if you gay
    net thugs net loves net drugs and sex
    what the fuck are you niggaz guna come up wid next

    www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=240359
    www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=218995
    written voices makes hidden noises
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  2. October 13th, 2005, 07:41 AM #2
    *Jazzmine*
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    aww, thiz wuz some hot shit, ya flow and rhymes i wuz feeling that to the fullest, U had nice descroiptive words from ya mind and feelings about it all and that wuz hot. U had a good struc as well, i hope to see how U do with other type subjects as well, cus thiz wuz hot hope ta see more of shit, keep up the good writing
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  3. October 13th, 2005, 08:21 AM #3
    warchild
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    Wassup Tre nice piece son your pieces are improving still which is good to see, your vocab has really improved its helping you to come up with some good emotion in your pieces. It's allowing you to express your feelings and thoughts without making it sound corny. Your wordplay is moving on and getting better gradually so i really like your verses, Om is starting to get better right now its good to see other dope writers back on here.
    The only thing i could criticise is the lack of multies try and mix in a few just to make your pieces slightly more complex. Also try and work in some metaphors, or punches if its a witty boast type piece.
    Return the feed on my new Om:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=240126
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  4. October 13th, 2005, 08:45 AM #4
    I_Me
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    This shit was real good. The flow was good and the vocab was picked well. All in all it was a good write. You could tell that it was somethin that you felt and that always adds more to it. Keep it up man.
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  5. October 13th, 2005, 08:56 AM #5
    Trema
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    Thanks for the feed yo, ayo warchild thanks yo, u half the reason why um elevating dogg, anyway uppin!
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  6. October 13th, 2005, 10:06 AM #6
    Trema
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    How gay, 28 views and 3 replies, reply if u reading this ayt!
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  7. October 13th, 2005, 10:29 AM #7
    Mic D
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    Best parts of this peice.....flow....structure....concept(diss to site)....hook.....some of the content...

    Worst parts of this peice.....lack of strong metas/wordplay/punches....this is along the lines that a diss peice would be and you use few if any aspects of making a great diss

    I see you got some skill..but.....anytime you write a diss it has to be with great skill because its such a regularly occuring concept
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  8. October 13th, 2005, 10:32 AM #8
    Trema
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    ^^Thanks for the feed, i know homs um still elevating u herd piece!
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  9. October 13th, 2005, 11:05 AM #9
    Trema
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    uppin.......................................
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  10. October 13th, 2005, 05:11 PM #10
    J-Hova
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    yo this was real good I give u a 10/10 u had everythin goin right vocabs good flow. keep it up
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  11. October 13th, 2005, 05:16 PM #11
    Knightmare.
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    dope ass fuck sons yeah word holla nigga

    southside gangstas we takin hitz
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  12. October 13th, 2005, 05:16 PM #12
    Knightmare.
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    dope ass fuck sons yeah word holla nigga

    southside gangstas we takin hitz
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  13. October 13th, 2005, 05:20 PM #13
    Marvman
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    nice sig.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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  14. October 13th, 2005, 08:13 PM #14
    SkullBreaker
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    yo that was crazy and i mean that in a good way every drop u drop always seem to please me man [no homo] but u gonna make it man keep up the good work
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  15. October 14th, 2005, 04:30 AM #15
    Trema
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    Thanks for the feed yo, much appreciated. uupin
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