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Thread: World Peace.

  1. #1
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    World Peace.

    World Peace - By: SyaNidal
    in the town square where s'not very peaceful
    and every streets full - of foolish people
    years 05' - the new trends to always bustle
    frequently moving - makin' ends on the hustle
    see kids load the bus full - lookin' to rush school
    bullies lookin' to crush fools and weaklings alike
    steal they bike - jack they lunch money - n' take a hike
    puttin' the pedal to the metal - then they takin' off
    they refuse to takin' walks - toes bruised n' breakin' off
    the lazy youths that walk this planet I've had it
    up to here as I motion my hand just above my ear
    and I see it's clear that this Earth is being destroyed
    wars of who can and who can't be employed
    humans divided by labels - just cauz' some tell fables
    classified in races - minorities pent up in stables
    while little white babies rock forth n' back in they cradles
    and I sit here wondering where we failed in life
    I thought we prevailed with light - this tales not right
    when I see alleys packed - with alley cats
    niggas pocketing money - as they talley crack
    imagine that - this is what we built from the ground up
    it started nice but still we haven't found luck
    were bound - stuck - in this present day wasteland
    where I refuse to place hands - were a disgrace man
    dealin' thugs feelin' slugs - hit chests and wreck lives
    seein' children killed over drugs with them tech nines
    what we built from the ground up I now recknise
    we need to end all this havoc - cauz' ya know it's tragic
    so I take it into my own hands to know this magic
    and make this Earth - this world - crumble in my palms
    while the few - still religious folk is mumblin' they psalms
    and those kids in Iraq - bet they enjoy stumblin' on bombs
    so I'm finishin' the job - deminishin' these slobs
    savin' these helpless moms...
    who get arrested when they discipline their kids
    so I'm crackin' down on this chunk of rock
    wiping free the slate and killing the blunted cops
    now see this world split and fall into a million pieces
    without humans n animals theres world peace

    Yours Truely,
    brilliant Jesus.


    This was for round 2 www.hiphopscenes.com/forum Topical Tourny
    Last edited by Steven William; October 10th, 2005 at 02:21 AM
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  2. #2
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    Last edited by Steven William; October 8th, 2005 at 07:50 PM
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! demolish's Avatar
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    Very Tight.
    I Like The Words U Chose To Rhyme Very Raw Rhymin Stucture.
    The Imagery Was Very Vivid In this Drop.
    Tight Originality

    I Give It A 9.5/10

    Check Out My "Self Genocide" And Leave Some FeedBack

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Pharoah.'s Avatar
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    nic e rhy,me complexity, wording, and imagery was on point

    stay the fuck up and peep im with you

    links in the sig
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    Poetry

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    Last Word
    Twizteds Bodyguards


    Quotes HOF


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    Originally Posted by Vamp.
    this is perhaps the gayest thread...ALIVE....

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Amphion's Avatar
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    rhyme scheme n flow was dope. yer one of the few that ive actually saw multis from on this site, nice. i have nuthin much to criticize, i really enjoyed this piece. my fav lines:

    ‘‘and make this Earth - this world - crumble in my palms
    while the few - still religious folk is mumblin' they psalms’’


    ‘‘so I'm crackin' down on this chunk of rock
    wiping free the slate and killing the blunted cops
    now see this world split and fall into a million pieces
    without humans n animals theres world peace ’’


    hot ending, keep it up.
    phenomenal hip-hop.

    open mic:
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  6. #6
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    I like the creativity with your word choice. It was a real tight post. Most of it flowed real well, and was all around good.

    Peace.,.,.,.,

  7. #7
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    bump - more people need to see this.
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  8. #8
    Paper Cut Bandit Mic D's Avatar
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    Strong ........

    Quote Originally Posted by SyaNidal
    World Peace - By: SyaNidal


    and make this Earth - this world - crumble in my palms
    while the few - still religious folk is mumblin' they psalms
    and those kids in Iraq - bet they enjoy stumblin' on bombs
    so I'm finishin' the job - deminishin' these slobs
    savin' these helpless moms...
    who get arrested when they discipline their kids
    so I'm crackin' down on this chunk of rock
    wiping free the slate and killing the blunted cops
    now see this world split and fall into a million pieces
    without humans n animals theres world peace

    Yours Truely,
    brilliant Jesus.

    the finish was great kid....you got the multies and complex scheme through out ...but actually having strong finish in a rhyme is something I havent seen on this site since I have been back....nice.....wish I could say more kid but ya know how it is....nice

  9. #9
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    yeah good flow, good structure, great word play, good topic really can reach to certain people, I give it a 9.4/10 I loved it really tight shit keep it up

  10. #10
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    ... you obviously don't know what wordplay is - or you just didn't read the actual OM ...
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  11. #11
    ToTheTop Steven William's Avatar
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    upped because of sleeping.
    ScytsoPhrenia
    CrazyDope

    Put down the pebbles in my hand, climbed a ladder, put a brick right through your window.
    "You're gonna hear me out." Yeah, hear me out on this!

  12. #12
    Paper Cut Bandit Mic D's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SyaNidal
    ... you obviously don't know what wordplay is - or you just didn't read the actual OM ...
    Yo kid....theres like 8 kats droppin OMS that think inners and flipped rhyme-schemes = wordplay/multies......kats are stupid and they dont listen

  13. #13
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    wordplay= witty or clever verbal exchange, sorry shoulda used a different word I meant that it was just a clever om, didnt know i was gonna get like jumped for using 1 word the wrong way

  14. #14
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    This piece was strong, and i felt like you had no faults at all... the rhymescheme was ILL and u simply showed u knew what you were talking about.. the whole flow reminded me of Nas with a mixture of just a whole new kind of flow... It was creative... I'll nominate it.

  15. #15
    Super Spic, w00t! Emerge's Avatar
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    nice piece... you might just win the tourney yo

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    New Writejist Song - Tito Ortiz

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