Man -O- Man

[Krayawn]

A sperm, a cell, a egg, the birth
To learn do's and don'ts of this earth
My eyes see my world is getting worse
How many more of our own do we have to have cursed
I heard the angel starting to sing
But it's sort of strange
Cause at the same time it seems
That theres a lot of lost souls that screams
I've swayed from dreams
And came to light wit schemes
Fuk ya'team and that thug life theme
I'll begin my own routine
And I want to reach the top
More then a distant rock wanted by a fiend
But man-o-man I gotta do what I can
I mean, I just can't stand wahts becoming
Of A black man
Struggle is breaking us back apart
LeSs jobs for my homies
Equals more niggas on the block
And more dudes on the block
Equals hustling and drug spots
Dressed in all black introducing
Yo'kinfolk to glocks
Give me all you got'' and drug
sales is the last resort
And if you tired of hearing the same 'ol
Set up ya'own fort
Cause of course If we just sit and watch
Then the shit will never stop just cause you
bitchen alot
We gotta make sure we all understand our own fate
Cause our past was bridged to create men
meant thats meant to be great

[warchild]

I can appreciate what you was saying in this piece, but some of it came out corny and it wasnt as complex as it should of been. The opening 2 bars set the scene for what should of been a hot verse but you didnt do a good job on this verse. I take it you aint been writing to long so i aint gonna shit on your piece. Next time you write a verse try and think of an original concept song to write, concentrate on upping your vocab grab a dictionary if you have too. Then try and come up with some ideas for your song try and mix in some metaphors to make your pieces more complex this will help them stand out. Also work on the flow add in some multies cause the flow was too basic in this verse. You either take my advice or you dont but you gotta improve on your verse. Keep writing and posting you should improve.

Return the feed on my new om id appreciate it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527

[Maxwell905]

This post was deep not really complex but it had good flow and rhyme sceme it displayed a good message and to be truthful i could see someone like mass rapping this out the vocab is plan needs more work but over it was good

[Johnny 6-feet]

A played topic which was furthered weakened by the simplistic vocab you used. You should've dropped 2 links to pieces you've replied to before you dropped this, which you would've known if you'd bothered to read the rules. Your should form your lines into longer bars to improve the flow and learn how to do multi's. Pick a more original topic next time.