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Thread: Tip a Drink in Your Honour... SS Title Contender Verse

  1. #1
    Po'Ethics
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    Tip a Drink in Your Honour... SS Title Contender Verse

    Tip a Drink in Your Honour
    .
    .
    .

    Spinal chord rattles bypassing the weight of the cold,
    A slumpt body amidst the shadows, embossed and written in bold.
    An abrupt sentence, one with the wall, just another brick,
    His thoughts are somewhat clean, but his mind is plain sick.
    Reflections of fiction echo across the rippling puddles,
    The grinding friction of his glass leaves his eyes befuddled.
    Sparks muffled, blanketed by a soft bead of sweat,
    His head rolls on its pivot, his mind begins to fret.
    "Death" croaks his stressed clef, a blessing of air arrives,
    His energy seemingly faded, it escapes in a series of sighs.
    Home is a dive, from where he once intended to strive,
    Now sitting in this dank corner of hell, he's proud to be alive.
    .
    .
    .

    Pushing jagged fingernails through course black hair,
    Occasionally catching, pulling, yet he finds it fair.
    His punishment to another, comes around once more to him,
    A slim limb pads the clothed earth, can't find it, for the light's dim.
    "WHERE IS IT?" he screams in a tired manner,
    One more cog to turn, yet he lacks the spanner.
    Not much of a planner, but here we find him methodical,
    Despite his medical condition, he remains ideological.
    Obsessions drape over his inhibitions, his mindless seductions,
    A day of self-destruction and physical disruption.
    But what more could he ask? Sprawled in an alley, clutching a hip flask,
    God's task was to live well, "what can I say, it's just another day passed"
    Hints seep through the scattered shattered glass pieces,
    Unintentional leases and combined mechanical greases.
    The disgusting layer between him and the cold concrete,
    Camoflaged into it he lies, back to the wall in an unatural seat.
    However, amongst this depressing scene of fleeting liberty,
    Something falls out of place, he is classed somewhat differently.
    The glass and festering alcohol meets an abrupt end,
    Sketching a picture of nature, life, and humanly trends.
    Blood, freezing in the winter's twilight, corrupting the night,
    His masterpiece of inhumanly blight, plaguing his sight.
    .
    .
    .

    After smashing the bottle over her head, it all became so clear,
    However, the clear soon became fear, a clear fear, yet so dear.
    His wife lays in the dark alleyway with him, her elegant toes,
    Her womanly features, still twitching from his manly blows.
    A withered rose grown from the tarmac roads, faulted by none,
    Admired by some, yet inherently done, she lacked a humanly 'fun'.
    Arms spazming, tearing flesh cross through the fresh layer of life,
    One thing left to turn to, no matter if his strife has continued through his wife.
    A knife in one hand, his flask in the other, shaking, shivering,
    Quivering, brain patterns? Simmering, then with a resounding ring...
    .
    .
    .
    Pouring the drink to the floor, a tip in her honour,
    Pulling the blade across his neck in a pain ridden horror.

    - Deviate


    Po'Ethics Lives

  2. #2
    Po'Ethics
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    Links coming soon... Sorry, very busy.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  3. #3
    Po'Ethics
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    Uh... Up...
    Po'Ethics Lives

  4. #4
    Po'Ethics
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    Fucking huge up for me.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  5. #5
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion
    Good shit liked it...Nice structure and wordplay...everything flowed with decency and was all good...Keep that shit up...SS verse? That's tiight...you had a good topic here and I liked how you did the dots between...kind of like drops from the *drink* it seems...Hott shit dog...Loved it...Keep spittin and I look forward to seeing more from you!!

    Rtf...drop a comment in some of my OM's? Thanks..btw you forgot your links...lol

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Daym man, this was a well worth while long read... this was a lil off for me in the beggining, and i didnt know what was going on....but you made it quite clear that in the 2nd and 3rd stanzas that this man had troubles and was very well structured because of it.
    This story only just got better as i read on, and had a great amount of multis as well as words that didnt confuse this piece... you used the right words and flow was on point, this was def. a dope drop, and the detail in your imagery was pretty good aswell... over all, a nice read, 9/10 homie, keep droppin

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    This was a dope title to write to and such a nice read and i am just amazed at what you can actually do in hip hop....Lord this is a blessing, man....Keep doing you, i loved this piece...remind me of alot of shit...Like Nas, so please keep it up!
    PM for battle

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mcl's Avatar
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    this piece was so long i got more n more intrested the rhymes were sweet heep it up

  9. #9
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    ^^^word people..quit sleeping on this shit...It's dope...

  10. #10

  11. #11
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deviate
    [b]Tip a Drink in Your Honour
    .
    .

    Something falls out of place, he is classed somewhat differently.
    The glass and festering alcohol meets an abrupt end,
    Sketching a picture of nature, life, and humanly trends.
    Blood, freezing in the winter's twilight, corrupting the night,
    His masterpiece of inhumanly blight, plaguing his sight.
    .
    .
    .

    After smashing the bottle over her head, it all became so clear,
    However, the clear soon became fear, a clear fear, yet so dear.
    His wife lays in the dark alleyway with him, her elegant toes,
    Her womanly features, still twitching from his manly blows.
    A withered rose grown from the tarmac roads, faulted by none,
    Admired by some, yet inherently done, she lacked a humanly 'fun'.
    Arms spazming, tearing flesh cross through the fresh layer of life,
    One thing left to turn to, no matter if his strife has continued through his wife.
    A knife in one hand, his flask in the other, shaking, shivering,
    Quivering, brain patterns? Simmering, then with a resounding ring...
    .
    .
    .
    Pouring the drink to the floor, a tip in her honour,
    Pulling the blade across his neck in a pain ridden horror.

    - Deviate



    Those lines made me understand this piece more.
    It was cloudy in the beginning , not the imagery however
    your story line. I was trying to figure out what
    story angle you were trying to bring.
    Great imagery and nice flow. Nice ending as well.
    kina figured out the ending or had an idea which
    approach you were going to take. From the set up.
    Your style is good I just have to get used to it as
    a reader. The funny part about it is I think our
    styles are a like. I just finished a collab piece and
    reading mine then reading yours yeah I can see similar
    style in style of wording and concept. Like some type of old
    English expression or play..


    Anyways nice drop stay dropping.

  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    I think this is a creative piece of work I like the structure thats what is really appealing in this work right here uses a good mix of vocabs and the movement is fierce in this rhyme the rhythm is pretty good and the subject in which this piece is talking about is attention grabbing thats what got me to look at it but then again thats what gets anybody to notice anybody works is the title

  13. #13
    The True Psycho of RB
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    This was a good piece but you overused your vocab in a lot of the verse your another one of these writers who think using big words all through your pieces makes your rhymes the dopest, IT DONT. But your imagery was real strong on this piece so i was feeling the shit you was saying it was a dark piece and thats my style so i feel anything with a darker message.
    Your flow was weak in this piece you need to mix in some multies to your work and it will make it sound smoother cause with all the big words this would make for a difficult audio. It was a good piece but dont overuse your vocab as much it soils the piece in a way. I liked the imagery and concept though. Keep writing and posting.

    Return the feed on my new om id appreciate it:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527

  14. #14
    Po'Ethics
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    Up.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  15. #15
    Banned Eye`'s Avatar
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    Deviate this was pretty dope. I could picture in my mind all of the things you spit, and i really like your flow. Your imagery and creativity was insane and i would like to see more from you.

    i will post a link in a sec...

    **EDIT**: Here....http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235689

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