User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 20

Thread: Observation of a Villain

  1. September 24th, 2005, 01:52 AM #1
    CrazyCarl
    CrazyCarl is offline
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0

    Observation of a Villain

    Seated attentively, eyes forced into tunnel vision
    His focus is concentrated, there'll be no division
    Viewing a character hated to the level of villain
    Not everything verbally stated, some left to fill-in
    An unwelcome guest has emerged on the scene
    The viewer expects, and is urged to forw'd lean
    What he sees next, shun't be heard or be seen
    Now a wit-ness, to a murdering done quite clean
    .
    .
    Predispositions are strained to the brink
    Natural flaws are unearthed...and with a blink...
    This individual act now has a personal theme
    Anxious hands grip the armrests, feels like a dream...
    The viewer outside himself, his motion is slow
    Pent-up attitudes behind the notion to blow
    Unable to be placated, using action as the mode...
    The villain is self-assured and has a confident glow
    Staring back at the viewer, verifying what's been seen
    A hand to the thigh, revealing what was so discreet
    A pistol's bullet is released from the safety of the seat
    As it puts a hole directly... through the movie screen
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. September 24th, 2005, 01:55 AM #2
    CrazyCarl
    CrazyCarl is offline
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234611
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234417
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. September 24th, 2005, 12:13 PM #3
    Take Over
    Guest
    nice concept/topic. your wording n' structure is on point, at times its a bit fragmented but that isnt terrible..

    Staring back at the viewer, verifying what's been seen
    A hand to the thigh, revealing what was so discreet

    fit with the last four lines, felt like you made a good transition.

    good read, pz.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. September 24th, 2005, 04:58 PM #4
    CrazyCarl
    CrazyCarl is offline
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0
    uppin
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. September 25th, 2005, 12:08 AM #5
    MISTA GRIM
    MISTA GRIM is offline
    Mikey B
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cali
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,997
    Battle Record
    18-6
    DAMN, this was hot. Topic waz fresh and i liked how u structured it. I really could feel the flow in this piece. It nice to see sum good people droppin now. Very nice 8/10
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. September 25th, 2005, 12:28 AM #6
    MISTA GRIM
    MISTA GRIM is offline
    Mikey B
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cali
    Age
    35
    Posts
    1,997
    Battle Record
    18-6
    here's my 2 links
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234963
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234963
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. September 25th, 2005, 04:35 AM #7
    mcl
    mcl is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title! mcl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    asif
    Posts
    209
    Battle Record
    0-1
    nice spittin that was hot yea the flow was sweet and the rhymes off the chain
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. September 25th, 2005, 12:27 PM #8
    CrazyCarl
    CrazyCarl is offline
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0
    Mista, edit those links out, they go to this thread
    Mcl, you didn't read it

    up
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. September 25th, 2005, 12:54 PM #9
    .Silence.
    .Silence. is offline
    The Audio King .Silence.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Norfolk,Va
    Posts
    6,564
    Battle Record
    35-27
    this was a good piece from you homie.You had a really good topic that went with the piece.Also you had a good storyline in this piece which is good too.Also your Imagry and emotion were on point in this piece.And also your structure and wordplay was on point too.Overall I really liked reading this piece and I hope to see more from you soon.Keep up the good work homie

    Distinct Advantage
    MIXTAPE IS OUT NOW
    [SOUNDCLICK]8054116[/SOUNDCLICK]

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. September 25th, 2005, 12:58 PM #10
    ~ladie_streetz~
    ~ladie_streetz~ is offline
    K.T: The Assassin ~ladie_streetz~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Frm Da Nati the 513 area! Sin~city aka Riot City is where i be 513 WalnutHillz D.T.W
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,734
    Battle Record
    75-28
    Awards 75+ Wins
    nioce drop. you had good wording to it and the flow was nice, i liked the topic as well, very thoughtful. it was short but ya two verses were good, interesting shit.
    THE FAMILY.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  11. September 25th, 2005, 06:50 PM #11
    Amphion
    Amphion is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Amphion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    san fran.
    Age
    37
    Posts
    66
    ha, didnt expect that ending. i really enjoyed this piece. flow was hot and u had some koo multis. a decent variety of vocab as well. nuthin really to criticize, keep it up.
    phenomenal hip-hop.

    open mic:
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. September 26th, 2005, 12:43 AM #12
    the_madhatter
    the_madhatter is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Milwaukee
    Age
    39
    Posts
    162
    This was a good piece. I would've wanted to hear more from this, but I guess I had to work with what was there. Good vocab and word usage, very lyrical on some points of this, and an unexpected ending helped. Other than it ending a little too soon, this was good. Keep it up.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  13. September 26th, 2005, 12:58 AM #13
    Ether Spitter
    Ether Spitter is offline
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Ether Spitter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    In your Soul
    Posts
    147
    Battle Record
    1-0
    in and of itself i would have to say that this piece only had its concentration in the beginning...the rest was a lil so so...the flow in the beginning and a lil part of the end were nice...other than that your main structure in the middle could use critique...i liked this lil drop tho...stay up


    igido
    He knows all and sees all...the creator of our creativity ...I follow The Divinity
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  14. September 26th, 2005, 09:47 AM #14
    warchild
    warchild is offline
    The True Psycho of RB
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    My Own Mind
    Age
    41
    Posts
    3,164
    Battle Record
    1-0
    This was a good piece, the concept was weired and original so i was really feeling it. Your story telling in this piece was impressive it matched well with your imagery, the imagery was very well detailed really in depth.
    It set the scent of the piece your vocab was good you didnt overuse it like a lot of people on OM do so i'll give you props for that. The ending was a real nice closer made the verse even better, impressive piece.
    The only thing i could criticise was the flow it was very basic try and work on it and mix in some multies this will make your pieces better if you do audios.

    Return the feed on my new om id appreciate it:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  15. September 26th, 2005, 09:05 PM #15
    CrazyCarl
    CrazyCarl is offline
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0
    bump
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Similar Threads

  1. A Non-Biased Observation
    By King Nasty Emcee in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: July 16th, 2010, 01:30 AM
  2. I made an observation yesterday...
    By Toobs in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: February 21st, 2010, 09:43 PM
  3. 20/20 VS The Villain
    By Young Vin in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: November 3rd, 2007, 03:22 PM
  4. THE~BEST~EVER vs -Villain-
    By -Villain- in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: August 5th, 2005, 07:30 PM
  5. an observation, a complaint, a debate and a suggestion
    By Johnny 6-feet in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: October 24th, 2004, 06:57 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules