What the Rain Revealed

[Illogical]

first of all, i know this was a sacred scriptures topic, and i liked it so i thought i would change the title and make a rhyme bout it. hope this doesnt offend u guys in any way =) enjoy

*Sounds of heavy rain and thunder*

The cold feeling of water had an impact on me
I felt something missing like no steps in geometry
I searched far and wide through the archives of my mind
From A to Z, alphabetically, I found what I knew was right
As an infant I grew up in a cold hearted society
My parents had tried to be nice, but they had totally lied to me
I spent the next few years feeling isolated and neglected
Trying to spread truth about what abuse has affected
They called the 7 scars on my arm a simple birth mark
I denied and was left with anger flowing alone in the dark
The wind screaming "HELL" in my ear, during my time of tears
I ended up consumed by fear, this was still in my early years
Constantly, I was bullied and avoided by my peers
I had forgotten every happy moment I ever held dear
At the same moment, it was raining in the same pattern
Except this time I was sadder and was reviewing what I had earned
Much has changed over my recovery, recent discoveries
This was another sejure, this was another lead
Another chance to unmask what has always been concealed
I shall never forget What the Rain has Revealed

[Illogical]

feed:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230968
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230434

uppin

[ExPlOsIvE]

wow man, i really werent expectin this lol. Nice wrdplay first of all, very nice, The rhymes were nicely done and all the multis were tight which gave it a nice flow and easy to read.
Topic was nice bro and u dun a gd job on it.

Keep it up.
Peace

[Illogical]

thanx man uppin this

[CrazyCarl]

I think you did a good job of connecting the rain with the feelings. You're new to rb, if you are also new to writing, you have a lot of potential. The description was good for this, the specification of 7 scars something I noticed. Rhyming was solid, you kept with a similiar scheme throughout, but the piece wasn't long enough for it to feel repetitive. You've been leaving good feedback to people, keep it up, stay active on the site.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=230304

[Aashes]

yeah nigga, the shit was hot, what else can I say

[Illogical]

thanx yo

uppin this

[the_madhatter]

This was a good solid piece. I liked the way that you used the imagery as well as keeping a rhythm while telling the story. However, I hoped it would be longer but I saw this as a thirst for more. But you did ya thing and I liked this. Keep doing you.

[Illogical]

thanx and from ur replies because my piece is too short, im gonna make a part 2 so u guys can maybe see some more of my potential from this piece. so the part 2 im workin on right now ill post it tommorow ill make it a lot longer, not 2 long, but enough to fill in ur cavities.

thanx for the feed 2 uppin

[Da Franchise Boy]

chit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Da Franchise Boy]

damn.............................................. .....

[C Nile]

Ew.

[NuM-WuN]

emotion really stood out on this piece as well as its imagery..your flow was there..some of the wordplay was really nice..your rhyme scheme was up to par..not many flaws but i'd really like to see this piece with a second part because that verse seemed short for the topic it was pointed for..overall this verse was nice and i expect to see more from you..keep elevating and writin..oNE

please rtf: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...68#post3191768