If I Was A Hurricane Katrina Victim

[shadows]

I spectate to my lonesome my house on the news
watching my heart dissolve into pieces and cry the blues
threw it all i seek no prosper and no flurishing hope
they have trapped with milions that lives are at float
they are crying wishing to see there familys just like me
they only show little of the heartache and crys on tv
what should i do i am 16 years of age with no family
we have been broken up for 3 days i cry for them sadly
can i hold in this moment terror i can not stand alone
everybody looking for a way ahead i anyway known
stealing treachery and poorness all in the same place
people trying to bond and fight no smiles on anyone face
how long will my hunger go on with no food grab hold
when the hurricane took my home a hole was in my soul
never to look back i was taught but i look back anyway
cause all i see is death and lies never seeking fairplay
tradegy bring the worst screaming yelling and fighting
people getting on buses to getting away from the dieing
killers looking for a way to get ahead on this tradegy
rape artist takin part as this is a good use in stradegy
all i say when does it end cause for me this is to much wishing be normal and once again feel my mothers touch
as they sat relief effort are under way but we need it now
somebody step up to the plate so body step to the crown
tears in my dairy to wish and pray thing get better for us
cause the crazy in people are over board and it's to much

[shadows]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=3103843
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?p=3103864

[warchild]

This was a dissapointing piece, i knew somebody was gonna write a verse about the tragedy but i just felt you didnt really get deep enough into the piece you probably wrote this piece in about 10 minutes you should of sat down for a while and really came up with better imagery and emotion.
Its cool to see someone writing about what happened you did a decent job but i think you should of really took your time with it and it would of been a much better piece. The vocab was decent but imagery and flow were weak.
Good try but go back and write another verse see if you can improve it.

Return the feed:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=229664

[CrazyCarl]

This piece fell off for me. Maybe you ran out of things to say, but I wasn't feeling the second half. The title was too simple. The structure was fine, save for that one couplet near the end. This piece could have been better, you took the route of looking back. In the first half, telling what happened to you, which I enjoyed more. The second half was more general, and I wasn't feeling the description. At least you have a grasp of getting some inspiration.
Return the feedback on my friend's piece
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=224626