10 minute rap cuz im bored

[deniable2x]

yo deniablex2 n the house ive been banned twice
i burn and eat up mc's like homeless burn up mice
im a loyal nigga never affraid my moto: just do it
im like RB fine dining chefC's people bite and use it
a winner ill win a champinship and get a contract
thats how i do like lebron ill get a coach contact
im not fake ima soulja show me where the don at
i smoke kids, like they a pre-packaged bong wrap
fuck structure fuck the world i dont really need it
wont take shit give expectations and ill exceed it
so the moral never low cuz im guns loaded to fight
so mr. rural i cant even see u cuz your outta snipe

[PhillyKat]

You said fuck structure, but made it a point to get your lines close in length. You attempted wordplay, the concepts didn't come off as fresh however. The title doesn't draw in readers. Writing to a topic where you can go in detail makes your piece stand out more.

[Cody Nash]

If that took you 10 minutes I say elevate...But anyways...Your vocab was extremly limited...You used the word "It" to rhyme 4 of your lines...(NOT GOOD) because of that! "IT" made your flow kind of wack and crazy...Your structure is practically perfect but you need good lyrics to go with it...You may have been kind of lazy...When doing an open mic dogg...try your best...don't do a half assed job...and if you actually tried on this...I Say elevate a lot...Other than this <<<<< It's ok... Oh and if you don't get 2 links that you've commented in inside this thread...then the MODS will probably close this...so get doing that...BYE

[Mistral]

16 line limit,