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Thread: Bleed the Good Fight...[SS Verse]

  1. #1
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    Bleed the Good Fight...[SS Verse]


    Only Bleed the Good Fight

    Lurking in private nests, spy with soft and silent steps
    Tip toe with boots soaked wet, a disguised and violent threat
    Skins cringe to every step, bones ache to a sacred capture
    A beautiful mind takes action, avoiding the mental fracture
    A Suspenseful rapture, inhale the soft air packing my chest
    Enemies aware to suspect, no time for slacking nor rest
    Japs seen in the flesh, ammunition was equipped and given
    Nuclear bombs in vision, enough weapons to decease all living
    Stomach ringing, feet fatigued as an ankle twists on roots
    Mud tracks squish and squirm as I step with swampy boots
    Organic yet satanic pollute, a running pause for silence
    A chaos theory of strikes, I beg for no security sirens
    Reaching a peak of light, in night I sight this figure
    A soldier roaming over, whiskey wrapped around his fingers
    Blistered iris infects the pupils, whistled fire blows so brutal
    Loud echoes of whispered chats distract and roam futile
    A burst of soldiers bust, Jap’s secure with a boulder’s thrust
    Searching for Americans through circles of golden dust
    No need to combust, their lips kiss the dirt with fear
    Camouflage aides the disguise, and too silent to hear
    Looking with caution to peer, heart beats a million vessels
    Mouth of mud as they nestle, bodies to much to wrestle
    Eye black erased with sweat, face paint smudged and wet
    Emotions run and fret; A perfect time for a cigarette
    To far to regret, slither in dirt trails with the hurt and pale
    In control to prevail, a keen sense from the soul not to fail
    Invade with a grenade, screaming as I tend to fade
    Not a nerve that felt afraid, a direct hit I sent and prayed
    As the dust bloomed a sky was ruined with a clouded mushroom
    Enclosing the area with disgusting fumes, it’s us doomed
    A distant view of disappointment, a survival was seen
    With a livid intention to dispense of every American dream
    Before I could react, an attack was planned to kill
    Bullets fired from a pistol, hitting my partner Phil
    I screamed with devils hatred, saving a soldier is sacred
    My vision was blundered; my friend was dead and wasted
    Killed the enemy faceless, a punch to the teeth and cheek
    Made him bleed till death, my inner rage was released
    We’ve failed to concur, innocence is lonely in heaven
    Dear soldier, I cry ten tears a night, sometimes eleven
    You remain in my heart, never apart, always in sight
    I Think of you every night
    .
    .
    .
    Only bleed the good fight

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=227620
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...55#post3070655
    Last edited by comadose; August 31st, 2005 at 09:55 AM

  2. #2
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    homie...........this was the greatest drop i have ever seen, this was so dope its doper than dope, this whole drop was tight!!!!!!!!! the rhymes were exellent and they worked well together to make each line make sense and make it all understandable and a smooth enjoyable read. flow and strucutre was incredible, even, smooth, and all good, topic was interesitng and creative, i liked the vocab and the visulaz i had while readin this....i liked the whole thing, with no doubt, overall 10/10**, spectacualr drop homie,keep it up!

  3. #3
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    very good flow and stucture to this one and i can see your elevating very fast man, you sure capture realization quick, good job man, very good story in this kept me reading nice imagery, but most off all the think that really captured me was your use of multiples really creative an everything. nice vocabulary through out the piece very good nice use of words as well, nothing really felt forced. good job, just a overall pretty good piece man, keep elevatin your probably better then me now and i can actually say that without getting mad haha cuz i dont care.

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  4. #4
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    Actually... the rhyme scheme put me off...

    Good content...

    Not bad story and imagery..


    But work on making things flow while spoken.....
    AI

  5. #5
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    Especially in the middle, the imagery stood out for me. I like how you got across where they were with "kiss the dirt" and "mouth of mud". The structure was fine, the rhyme scheme worked as a text piece; you switched it up well. The end was a solid way to close it, if the transition was sloppy, the effect wouldn't have been as strong. The description as a whole was nice, helped by good diction.
    Please drop feed on my friend's piece
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=224626

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    upppp

  7. #7
    The True Psycho of RB
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    Shit i thought this was mad nice, great concept piece.
    The story was told well you kept it real consistent a lot of people lose the story half way when writing a piece like this but you kept it going.
    The imagery was brilliaint mixed with some nice vocab, the flow was nice through most of the bars but i think if you added in a couple more multies it would of been a bit better, but fuck it this was just a really good piece.

    Return the feed:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=226496

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    one word: dope

  9. #9
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    **picks jaw up off the floor**

    Holy shagbunnies! The imagry was some of the best i've ever seen. And i've seen a LOT. The vocab was exactly right and the multis were pretty much flawless. I think it fell off (slightly) towards the end but considering the length of this piece and how little the quality dropped that's impressive as hell. The direction you took with the topic, the atmosphere you created with your words made this a fucking great read from start to finish.

    Consider this nominated, Jesus Christ i'm impressed!

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  10. #10
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    This was a good dope peice. i dunt come with any advice for elevation cuz thiz was dope. i liked the way you peiced together your verse your voice and direction was really bold and standout in the peice. i liked it alot and you had dope flowz. so return the favor to ya brotha and peep

    i dunt wanna live thru it - by Mista Loc

  11. #11
    damn the flow and rhyme scheme was dope as fuck, the imagery was sick throughout and you have a way with wording, you word shit perfectly, this is certainly the best piece I've seen ever on RB. damn. I cant believe your 14, its impossible for a 14 year old to write this, at least it is to me hahaa. But i enjoyed this piece, each line just came off smooth as fuck and the content and concept of this piece was just ILL overall. sick drop man.

    hit this up for me man

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...31#post3091231
    Olama 09

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    Re: Bleed the Good Fight...[SS Verse]

    id appreciate some more feedback, mad old

  13. #13
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    Re: Bleed the Good Fight...[SS Verse]

    what the fudge!

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