Collab... Fight Night

[Twic]

Illtalics = Meters
Normal = Twixn
Sylentz Intro comming soon




Fight Night

Clumsy punk is stumbling over, liquored up, a Coors in his hand
Moving in on my terrain, I'll make him leave in a coroners bag
What should i say?
Get off my shit, and quit the passive stance
Now you shook, don't even look
or I'll blacken your next glance that's cast
Oh, you don't think so? it even possible you'd get laid?
like get your hands off my possession
or catch a palmful of switchblade
no question, let's display the facts, watch this whore get smacked
if he swing at me, faggot gonna find out
how this shortstack absorb attacks

i took a lazy swing his way... didn't expect fast reflexes
but damn this fucker with 60 less pounds has that move perfected
waited for the counter hit... of course this guy was legit
Staggering from a blow to my left eye, he's quick
he must have been in at least ten fights to learn that trick
defending his beautiful girlfriend i just wanted to talk a little too...
well... i had intentions,
.................................his knuckles had hard bony brittle chew
two more to my left eye, opening a cut... now he's not the only one mad
Half blinded i could still see the he was too confident
got allot of speed but lacking content
standing for everything i don't represent
soon he wont be standing at all
moving fast without a stall to his movements
i see he's not all bluffing, he's sent his finger prints
i just thought that girl looked good... didn't want this...
my bladders killing me ....
now i gotta get this over with and take a piss

Pissing himself, I called it right, slowly drawing my knife,
When the lugger surge back, and my face get demolished with rights,
Can't eat solids for nights, he utilize the size advantage
force the thought from mind just to spit the tooth fragment
I'm crawling now, garnering the strength I'll need to channel
If more blows cascade, trick of the trade, reach for the handle
He's coming to check my status, fuck, the guy is massive,
I don't know the measure of a man, but damn, these measures drastic
He pick me up, stupid fuck, it's time to make the incision cut
when he bust me in the ribs, grab with his fists and twist my guts
Push him aside, dive for salvation, to make the chalk line trace him,
Grab the blade, and carve like masons, to leave this faggot faceless

gurgle gurgle... What the fuck?
i never expected the last image i see to be...
some street rats girlfriend smoking him over the head with a bat
such a fast combat seemed like seconds, Mom? Dad? I'm too fucking young
now i feel blood on my tougn, first day of college partying and see what goes down
i here sirens... prob the police, I'm bleeding but cant move... fading sound
getting cold, n' sooner than i thought my little sister will be wearing a funeral gown

A night of chaos and drama leaves two lives shattered,
one prison for life for cocaine possession and murder
the other that mattered a blossoming life stamped out not knowing about her
a family's endless shouts of pain, and one that lived without anyone
but a newborn daughter seeded within his girlfriend,
another fucked up situation humans can't seem to comprehend

[Twic]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=223614
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=223840

[Twic]

ya'll get out your reading glasses... learn something

[sILLable]

damn how many fuckin pieces can you drop in one day..it must have changed...cause of all people..i know you know tha rules twixn..oh well..maybe theyve changed...dope though..i always love pieces that make you think...very nice.~1`

[Meters]

lol, sorry about last night twix, my computer malfunctioned

[Twic]

damn how many fuckin pieces can you drop in one day..it must have changed...cause of all people..i know you know tha rules twixn..oh well..maybe theyve changed...dope though..i always love pieces that make you think...very nice.~1`

dropped one at like 11...

other after midnight

lol

[Twic]

and buda du da....

edits made... now lets get some feed...

[EyeBite]

this was dope, i really i liked this peice, it made me think just like treazon said, the rhymes were good, flow was good, strucutre was a bit off both of you but that didnt really mattert to me, i liked it anywwayz and it was enjoyable to read, great job an dkeep it up, both of you, peace

[Sammy B]

Nice drop it had some great imagry and emotion, the actual fight was very descriptive and I could imagine the scene in my head. Some aspects of this piece were a little off though mostly structure and rhyme scheme. Vocab was good nothing too complicated or too simple. No need for alot of complexity here, a good mix of imagery, emotion and mild complexity. Liked this alot

RTF
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=222541

[Twic]

thanks for the feed

[The Vortex]

i thought maybe the first verse in italic could have been flowed a lil more smoothly and on point

the rest tho is all nice and dramatic with an interesting story going on fosho.. with some excelent rhyming skills beefing up the set
... nice vocab... and subject dealt with originaly.. i liked the word usage employed as well, that was fresh.. pretty hardcore stuff

stay up pz

[TwixSin]

cool thanks for reading this despite the length guys.

[TwixSin]

bum

[>Inertia>]

This was pretty dope.

First thing I noticed, and although it isn't a big deal really, is that Twixn's verses had alot of spelling mistakes. I mean, althought it isn't a big deal, it started pissing me off a little bit near the end, and is something you could easily fix with a spellcheck.

Having said that. This was definately a good piece, and a great collab. The concept was fresh, and I've never seen anything like it, or at least flipped in the same way as you guys did it. Having two guys that contrasted each other in appearance and fighting style, in turn created a contrast in between the verses, and you guys did a good job with writing voice. Although the way the piece ended wasn't really surprising, it was done well.

Both of you guys came about equal in this, in all honesty. You guys both had relatively nice flow and meter, although sometimes it was a bit shakey and stilted. Word choice was excellent. The atmosphere was really well done- when the fighters are feeling desperation, you could feel it in the writing.

I dunno..as a whole, although this wasn't mind-blowing, it was very well done, and a very enjoyable read. Two thumbs up.

[MISTA GRIM]

i think the piece was hot. nice flow and description. coulda used more multis that's about all.
_HOLLA_