Fucked up..(verse 1)

[The Vortex]

Forget peace trash the notion, I’ll splash emotion
& do grime for cash if I have to stop starvation
I’ve been waiting for fortune to find me now I’ve lost patience
I’m virtual unemployable, surviving on grains of Soya
Anger is a fucking understatement when my brain’s on fire
Rains have transpired to nought, I’m Tiger stalking in total drought
My health is on the edge, I pledge vow by mortal mouth
How can I fathom a cause?
Now I face the wrath of masons for defacing their laws
And treating their daughters like Babylon whores’
Doors are locked when I knock ‘em hard and get knocked-back
This bullshit is fucked black,
Only times I saw loot was the days when I shot crack
Wrapped in plastic: had mad cats igniting pipes wit matchsticks
Roll gangsta…Fuck it! Boost the crime statistic to above average
Cock 2 hot gats back when these streets behave savage
As I pass thru Hells passage ravaged by hunger
I wonder will I ever reach old age or simply die younger.


No money no house, now that’s so fucked
Can’t get a muvafucking job now imma go corrupt

[Goliath]

Shit is straight.
A few didn't rhyme.
Structure was coo' though.
Flow was shaky.
Elevation is a must for all.
Drop more.

[The Vortex]

flows tite to me.. got to hear it to belive it sometimes..its about audio u know.. with a couple of brief pauses and a switch in pace it works fine

good looks out neways


up this shite

[*Peaches*]

this seemed serious, if u were readin a short story..
the structure needee work.. maybe if it was written more correctly, then it would make sense... vocab was nice, but work on how u write then u straight
nice drop

[BIOHASARD]

this seemed serious, if u were readin a short story..
the structure needee work.. maybe if it was written more correctly, then it would make sense... vocab was nice, but work on how u write then u straight
nice drop
^agree

[BIOHASARD]

~1~

[*Peaches*]

yea this was nice and interestin.. but can ya'll check this battle out honestly doe
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=223694

[sILLable]

Shit is straight.
A few didn't rhyme.
Structure was coo' though.
Flow was shaky.
Elevation is a must for all.
Drop more.


^i agree with this more...vocab needs some elevation..better than your previous pieces though

[The Vortex]

yo fosho i dropped it kinder real quick, i'll prolly rework when i write the verse two and ish will be tighter, i just wanted to test the water b4 i continue.. and since some said its serious ill b on it

pz