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Thread: Fucked up..(verse 1)

  1. August 17th, 2005, 03:13 PM #1
    The Vortex
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    Fucked up..(verse 1)

    Forget peace trash the notion, I’ll splash emotion
    & do grime for cash if I have to stop starvation
    I’ve been waiting for fortune to find me now I’ve lost patience
    I’m virtual unemployable, surviving on grains of Soya
    Anger is a fucking understatement when my brain’s on fire
    Rains have transpired to nought, I’m Tiger stalking in total drought
    My health is on the edge, I pledge vow by mortal mouth
    How can I fathom a cause?
    Now I face the wrath of masons for defacing their laws
    And treating their daughters like Babylon whores’
    Doors are locked when I knock ‘em hard and get knocked-back
    This bullshit is fucked black,
    Only times I saw loot was the days when I shot crack
    Wrapped in plastic: had mad cats igniting pipes wit matchsticks
    Roll gangsta…Fuck it! Boost the crime statistic to above average
    Cock 2 hot gats back when these streets behave savage
    As I pass thru Hells passage ravaged by hunger
    I wonder will I ever reach old age or simply die younger.


    No money no house, now that’s so fucked
    Can’t get a muvafucking job now imma go corrupt
    .................................................. ......................
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  2. August 17th, 2005, 11:17 PM #2
    Goliath
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    Shit is straight.
    A few didn't rhyme.
    Structure was coo' though.
    Flow was shaky.
    Elevation is a must for all.
    Drop more.
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  3. August 18th, 2005, 11:27 AM #3
    The Vortex
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    flows tite to me.. got to hear it to belive it sometimes..its about audio u know.. with a couple of brief pauses and a switch in pace it works fine

    good looks out neways


    up this shite
    .................................................. ......................
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  4. August 18th, 2005, 12:15 PM #4
    *Peaches*
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    this seemed serious, if u were readin a short story..
    the structure needee work.. maybe if it was written more correctly, then it would make sense... vocab was nice, but work on how u write then u straight
    nice drop
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  5. August 18th, 2005, 12:26 PM #5
    BIOHASARD
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    this seemed serious, if u were readin a short story..
    the structure needee work.. maybe if it was written more correctly, then it would make sense... vocab was nice, but work on how u write then u straight
    nice drop
    ^agree
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  6. August 18th, 2005, 12:27 PM #6
    BIOHASARD
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    ~1~
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  7. August 18th, 2005, 12:38 PM #7
    *Peaches*
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    yea this was nice and interestin.. but can ya'll check this battle out honestly doe
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=223694
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  8. August 18th, 2005, 03:15 PM #8
    sILLable
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    Shit is straight.
    A few didn't rhyme.
    Structure was coo' though.
    Flow was shaky.
    Elevation is a must for all.
    Drop more.


    ^i agree with this more...vocab needs some elevation..better than your previous pieces though


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  9. August 19th, 2005, 10:47 AM #9
    The Vortex
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    yo fosho i dropped it kinder real quick, i'll prolly rework when i write the verse two and ish will be tighter, i just wanted to test the water b4 i continue.. and since some said its serious ill b on it

    pz
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