Paradise Found

[Sammy B]

Most of your life spent trying to make a dime
To pay rent the main reason for working full-time
Ever growing discontent due to the daily grind
An ascent to paradise appears as an uphill climb
Install a phase to facilitate an ongoing pain
To amaze the skeptics is a worthy feat to attain
But your future looks plain the hard work has been in vain
All your goals and aspirations have now been slain
Put to rest by the ways of people in this Earth
Dreams of the future gone in a flash and it hurts
Back breaking work all day to make a meager salary
Day in day out always questioning how to be
Rich Quick the scheme of present and the past
But as time progresses your goal is attainable at last
Your paradise found but now your age becomes a factor
As life begins to end there is no more clatter
Just the sound of waves gently crashing
Thoughts of life and death clashing
As minutes quickly pass you leave behind an era of vice
You close your eyes to reach the true paradise

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=221918
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...9&page=2&pp=15

[Aquiles]

Yo I thought this was an alright piece. Your flow was pretty nice. Your rhyme scheme was pretty good...But it seemed like you forced some of your rhymes in some places.
The topic was nice along with the concept. You started out decent and your ending was strong. I thought this piece was alright...Elevate...theres always room for that. Nice drop overall though...

Hit up my OM in my sig...Iv been getting shitty feedback exept from one person...So good feedback is wanted...Thanks Much...

[Bad Influence]

not bad piece tha concept B needs a little work elevations da key dawg it never stops neither does ya brain when your tryin 2 explain da truth tha beat gives you words to decsribe wat ya feel its fuckin theropy,................holla

[:.Apollo.:]

very nice peice... flowed together well and had nice structure...
You had good vocab as well... Gave a nice touch in places in this verse...

peep my OM in my sig if you don't mind..
1

[Sn¤wman]

good shit, pretty deep, i liked it alot, to be honest though, im gettin sick of deep shit, i wanna see somthin funny, show me your range next time and see if u can make me laugh homie, dis was good though.

[sILLable]

this could use some complexity...your rhyme scheme was average....pretty muhc every aspect was average...not too bad....keep elevatin your complexity...hit up tha link in my sig titled Concrete Roses..id appreciate it.~1`

[Sammy B]

Bump leave links

[Vicious Breed]

this was pretty average... rhyme scheme was good...vocab and complexity could've been better... pretty deep concept tho .. goo piece but very average.. elevating is the key but u should elevate by doing shit liek this often

[GhettoMike]

yeah id say 7/10. worth a read but not 2, nothing that really sticks in your mind. but not a bad effort.

[Sammy B]

Thanks for the feedback uppin

[Sammy B]

bump

[Sammy B]

Last time uppin this

[Alphabetized]

Great verse, i feel like your vocab was almost perfect for the verse... your flow was very smooth... i REALLY felt what you were saying.... it really hit me inside... good fuckin verse dude 9/10... great work....

[*BaByShAnTe*]

very short, very interesting htough. liked your flow along with ya drop and the rhymin was tight, topic was good as well. your title was nice also, i liked that too