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Thread: ~Dark Green Woods~

  1. #1
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    ~Dark Green Woods~

    inside the dark green woods i stroll, pathways littered wit souls....
    that flicker wit gold,plants thatll trip ya then hold,sickly and cold....
    drafty air seeps through tha bushes,leaves that weep tears gushin....
    feel isolated its to deselant,thoughts hesitant,some force pushin....
    lost as i stroll up and down tha trail,tha rain that fell,i strain to smell....
    i could see this site even if my sight was brail,to bright to tell....
    inhale aromas sweet and pleasant,close to ammonia deep in presence....
    leak its essence,i intake what it breaks and conceal tha presents....
    gifts it gives,shiftin bids, in my favor for which one lives longest....
    dependant on which ones hid,this ones sick but strongest....
    discovered the path to tha forest in a cave,behind tha graves....
    a simple maze that deserved no praise,in this forest ive camped for days....
    rich with life and streams with fish,all this food ive deemed my dish.....
    this blade gleams in fist,no wish i exist and persist to live in bliss....
    small cabin built my buds growin,fruits and vegetables start showin....
    no need to go back no exit glowin,its cool all day but never snowin....
    it seems ive stumbled on a sacred and forgotten place,my shots replaced...
    im content with my life on tha ground,dont wish to be shot to space....
    one early mornin i stroll down a pass,leaves and shrubs grown over....
    i pass through tha entrance cobwebs on my shoulder,tha air gets colder...
    tha mist in my eyes it forms a disguise,shaded and high,unable to die....
    then appears a stone statue of a decrepted being,slots on his thighs....
    its seemed to stream a green fluid from his mouth to the mote below....
    a bird exposed her note, this scenes serene as that glow emotes....
    a few steps more and your right at tha bottom,to tha right is a grotto....
    lean down to taste tha liquid,my eyes glow orange like autumn.....
    i feel invincible dispense my sense unmentionable,then i hear a snap.....
    to my surprise a tree limb cracked,plungin forward to my back.....
    stood up after a few minutes to find myself unharmed,every color bright...
    i stumbled onto a legend that never existed,tha magic fountain of life.


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  2. #2
    Banned
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    t'was okay.

    btwdbzsuxyo

  3. #3
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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  4. #4
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    i dont really care....your opinion on dbz doesnt really affect me...


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  5. #5
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    uppin for more replies.~1~


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  6. #6
    chill
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    this was ok...the flow wasn't special but it was iight.it got a little shaky at parts..you had a little too much adjectives for me personally but it was ok..that's good i guess..my favorite lines were the last 4..

    this drop was ok..just work on flow and a little rhymscheme...everything else is pretty much on point
    She said I could sleep on the couch
    By 2 am, I was diggin her out

  7. #7
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    greeeaaat imagery mayne... sick rhyming....nice poetic essence in the words... good story...
    nice suspense

    stay up
    .................................................. ......................

  8. #8
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    Yo its whatever what others thought...

    I liked this man..You have the vocab there..I mean honestly though I think this was a dope piece..I mean The description of this is really good..It pretty much puts you right in those shoes..and that is what makes a good writer..keep it up..I will look forward to reading more from you..Also to add..not just the last 4 (which were dope) but the whole thing was good...

    discovered the path to tha forest in a cave,behind tha graves....
    a simple maze that deserved no praise,in this forest ive camped for days....

    ^^thats dope...

  9. #9
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    i appreciate it man...uppin.~1~


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  10. #10
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    Hmm..well this was a pretty decent drop.. i was really feeling it .. you had some nice structure..some lines were alittle stretched but it was overall good..you had some nice vocab and wordplay usuage.. it could have been alittle better if it was alittle more complex..but it was good... i liked the feelings you used in this drop..you had nice emotions..going into your drop..and it really made the reader feel like he was really living through it..nice imagery.. keep it up fam .. nice job ..

  11. #11
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    thanks man...appreciate it.


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  12. #12
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    uppin


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  13. #13
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    uppin once again.~1~


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  14. #14
    Banned Visual-X's Avatar
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    alright i c u posted in my piece so i came to see urs in return of a favor

    im diggin it man rhyming wuz good and so wuz the structure
    flow wuz good but lost it a couple times
    add more multis in this it wuld be good some were stretched but other than that
    the words were good
    vocab wuz nce and lacked in some areas that needed it

    other than this i liked the peace man keep writing ill look for more pieces by you

  15. #15
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    up.


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