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Thread: Pause For Thought

  1. #1
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    Pause For Thought

    Mail scattered on the table, an envelope stands out from the rest
    addressed with a label from civil service, its a jury duty request
    pressed for extra cash, I decide to not express any form of protest
    having no prejudices, provides in the selection process a benefit
    and with no food in my cabinet, I hope I get picked from the list

    I confidently enter the court wearing semi-formal attire
    knowing I'm a sender of impressions, like if I’m a liar
    in an assembly room of much splendor, I quietly admire...
    the judicial system, and the intricacies of the way it works
    pondering it’s quirks, and if someone in the case got merked

    After roll call is over, and excuses from participating are complete
    the whole hall will now be filled with possible jurors in named seats
    the judge greets us, and has questions prepared to get rid of deceit
    the process Voir Dire stresses that it is the truth that I must speak
    reading from a sheet, the judge asks if I have ill will toward the police
    somewhat discreet, but the questions didn't exactly put on the heat
    I am picked for the case, so further along in the process will I proceed

    As the trial begins I disregard the use of the provided pen and paper
    the style of the attorney is so captivating, there’s no need to restate her
    however, my true focus is placed on the defendant, something strange...
    I see in him, without our glances exchanged, he’s familiar from this range
    but I shrug off that notion, I obviously don’t know this possible criminal
    accused of raping a young girl, emotions let me to grasp his hostile will
    even with safety created by the juror box, I cannot help but sympathize
    maybe it is the prosecutor’s reenactment of the action that denies...
    my inborn feeling to mourn for that fate of the defender’s state

    Everyone’s aim has been the same, to proclaim their innocence
    placing blame and accepting shame in order to convince
    imprints are made before me congregate to make a decision
    but before we leave, I receive a short, unfortunate vision...
    of the defendant talking to his wife and a man my age
    the familiarity is increased as my gaze is now engaged
    the younger man resembles my childhood best friend
    or does my mind pretend, and I’ve simply messed again

    With this thought swirling around, the head juror calls attention
    hoping to lessen doubt and make sure there’s no need for extension
    for the best chance for unanimity, he tells us to pause for thought
    while others already have their minds made up, I am distraught
    I have to weigh the risk, that I am dealing with someone I know...
    or stick with my conscious, and let the evidence guide and show
    with the gruesome retelling of the defendant’s act of rape
    I cannot let that escape, my ideas have already been shaped

    The result was in fact unanimous, and I could barely watch
    placing my trust in the system, hoping it wouldn’t be botched
    I witnessed the now confirmed rapist weep when sentenced
    but the consequence would be greater than I had sensed
    in researching the background of the man, I would later find...
    that I had put my childhood friend’s father away for the crime

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=216033
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=216093
    Last edited by CrazyCarl; July 28th, 2005 at 10:02 AM

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! SpItIt13045's Avatar
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    that shit was tight man nice spit

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  3. #3
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    up.

  4. #4
    NuM-WuN
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    i was realing feeling this..had some nice imagery and vocab, great storyline, pretty nice structure, overall a great piece, keep up the good work

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Vortex's Avatar
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    i think it cud do with some multies to carry the flow of the line.. and to give it variation


    seems like decent crafting on the rhyme scheme.. internal rhymes was ok cudda been a lil more vicious in the delivery tho/.. could do with a little more graphic imagery to show the story..
    interesting drop still, stayed neatly on topic and kept it steady.. needs some kind of lift with some more emotion poured in.

    nicely crafted tho

    rtf-

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214404
    .................................................. ......................

  6. #6
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    structure: good, great job on this
    flow: nice and smooth
    topic:iight kind of in the middle ( low replies)
    vocab:good nice job
    overall 8.5/10 nice job keep it up

  7. #7
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    uppin, leave links

  8. #8
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    linkz in sig..

  9. #9
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    bump

  10. #10
    Given Light.
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    Sorry it took me a day to respond, but I was quite busy.

    Good piece, I read it all, where as I have a feeling some of these kids haven't. You did have a consistent flow through out the whole piece, but I think you fell off a couple times. I loved the topic that you used to maybe express some feeling about the judicial system, I get the feeling that you may not agree with all cases, but most you do. The ending is what got me, for some reason I was not expecting it to be your childhood friends father. That caught me off guard.

    Solid Drop.

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  11. #11
    Banned Visual-X's Avatar
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    alright man i wuz feeling this i liked it some of your rhymes seemed like you just tried to put them in for rythm and your multis dragged
    other than that tight shit

    Keep on writing peace hit mine up if u want Falsely Accused

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