~~~Tha Baby tha Never Knew~~~

[sILLable]

as i dwell upon tha thoughts runnin through my head,excited minds find were better off dead...
never toss lead,keep tha metal wit you, in tha ghetto itll fit you, tattooes around ya tissue....
pound tha issue into ya memory, gettin popped u dont remember me, saved ya life so now u envy me.....
smokin stengily but never mind tha small shit,talkin tuff they had enough its gettin rough so make a call bitch....
call ya boys show ya colors,steal from kids steal from mothers,steal from family steal from others.....
at night your smothered,jealous lover creeps inside tha room,eight months pregnant tha child inside her womb.....
still intombed,never knew tha story of his dad, moms to mad to ever reveal it,all she will say is he would steal shit.....
and she still gets,high on tar but still drives her car,"im goin to tha store", she didnt drive far.....
buy her five bars,bought her "H" right down tha block,never thought to stop,never got popped......
her husband dropped, but always trafficked drugs, hung wit gangstas and smoked wit thugs,dickin sluts.....
not givin fucks,it paid tha bills and bought her boil,made him happy made her coil.....
her LSD wrapped in foil, now she seemed to be jealous,a little over zealous,about her husband but wouldnt tell us....
herbal sellers,in tha cellar she banged her shit,veins gave out her heart just quit.....
now she sit,needle in arm and eyes ice blue,skin turnes cold as her lifes is through,its really sad to say that tha baby never knew.

[sILLable]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=194188

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=194115

[The Vortex]

damn! sleepy heads round here uhh ...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

i think this flow is "nice" fosho... this wud mos def make a dope audio.. i can feel it in a kind of Nas delivery..i'd say its definitely an elevated flow
good story and suspense

cool rhyming wit the internals on point .. pretty decent wordplay
overall good delivery...
maybe vocab cud be strengthened a lil next time.. but its fine for this piece neways

stay up main

[six milez]

a yo that shit was so fucking real. Well i dont know about real life but it sounds great! you did your thing on this shit yo. nice multis nice lines nice construction nice piece of work.. im glad i took the time to read it ..keepcoming wit that hot shit and ill keep giving you feed back

[warchild]

This was a good piece but before i say what i liked about it i gotta say what i didnt like about it. I didnt like the structure of the verse the bars were stretched out so the flow was hard to work out at first.
But as i got into the story the flow came through it wasnt brilliant but it went well with this piece cause its deep, with pieces like this its the story and imagery that needs to be the strong points and you did that well.
Youve got story telling skills, a couple of lines were a bit corny but overall this was a real good piece i enjoyed it, keep writing.

[Apostle OS]

The peice was dope. You got poetic skills my man, know how to grab the listener/reader. The story line was obviously the best part, your vocab could pick up a notch but even that wasnt as common as most cats, your flow wasnt bad but like dude said once you got into the story is when you caught the flow dead on. Youre rhyme scheme was slick, flow like water and shit, I like that constant syllabol pattern. And the endin was a punch man, it hit hard, great job, keep up the workin, drop more . . . -respect- 1

[SimonSays]

This is old.

None the less it was an ok drop though, I can't say I've seen better from you because I've never seen any other piece of yours. I felt it began to get a little repetetive but that's just my opinion. The structure I felt was just a little blah, although it did somewhat work. I thought your topic was not to bad, and you played off it pretty good.

Overall you had a decent enough piece.

[sILLable]

funny i cant say ive read anything by you either...but ill look for something...and yea..this was old..but you should check out my new shit...thnks for tha replies i appreciate it.