Standing On My Own, Falling On My Own (SS Piece)

[Jawn Raw]

Standing On My Own, Falling On My Own

..Standing on my own..
Inspired by my father, spiritually I reign over of Fate
Never to over state, my facts keep me sober of Hate
I’m like my father, I elevate faster then most People
Living with family makes me equal, so I roast Lethal
My intelligence is pure, so I stand above my Decision
Lost in terrorism, isn’t realism for ones eye Division
Caught up in reality, I maintain my vicious Personality
With an ambitious instinct, having a malicious Fatality
Without a doubt, my wit is so tragic I believe a Death..
Inspires my dreams, the creation is to receive a Breath
Loving yet hating, such words is profound yet Provoked
Considered a slow poke, but reality knows its no Joke
I never spoke such criticism, life is my first Question
Never a third, nor a 2nd, I look up to the cursed Lesson
Hectic moments got me thinking, my life’s a Prospective?
I knew Christ’s a objective, when a knifes a Protective

..Falling on my own..
Falling of strong cursed dreams, my brain loses Feeling
My life failing to connect, so my shame chooses Healing
Knocked down by myself, living is like jail with Locks
Consumed by my own words, I start to feel a fifth Shock
Hells prayer got Christ on bail, without a Penitentiary
Such an angry entry, such visions about a Elementary
Throbbing to inflict pain, hell’s bound to predict Shame
Living a convicted game, I maintain a never known Name
As the trespassers still lead, I begin to share the Mercy
Unable to run from it, hell got my to wear the Jersey
So my reputation dies & the situation cries for Assistance
Persuading to consider that, I live for more Resistance
But on my own, my judgements don’t stand long Enough
Something so strong is rough, why believe in a wrong Bluff
Stuck going down hill, never a thrill to live in such a Mess
Unable to fulfill and succeed, I cant even touch a Guess

[Jawn Raw]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=213415
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...=1#post2787142

[Incineratedrose]

I liked the emotion, the structure was very solid, the lines are just like straight down, VOOM! straight! you get it, but yeah, i dont dig the center thing, but the words you used and the story line was really good, i was getting into it, it didnt bore me one bit. kept my eyes on the screen, good job with that, good read. =).

[Dabatos]

the emotion on here was very good really nice man.. you were very creative.. the word usage was almost perfect.. the structure was very good.. but that doesnt matter. only flow does lol.. but yeah very good man.. not boring kept me interested whole way much props

[Reckless.]

Dawg Good Shit Man, I See You Bin Using That Rhyme Scheme That I Told You About, Make's The Flow Come Out Better, And Vocabulary Was Nice Man, Structure Was Good Man Keep That Going Emotion In This Piece Was Very Nice,You Have Alot Of Creativity Which Is Good Do Not Lose That Cause It's What Make's Your Flow Sound Alot Better And Look Even Respected. Good Shit Man Looking Forward To A Collab Soon

[Macanatix757]

Verse 1 - Wow i gotta say a i LOVE the emotion i felt in this the creativity was nice as well i liked the rhyme scheme word usage was good the structure was really good but i think you could do a just a bit better with it i liekd the flow a lot i could feel the beat

Verse 2 - Very nice i liked it ESPECIALY

living is like jail with Locks
Consumed by my own words, I start to feel a fifth Shock
Hells prayer got Christ on bail, without a Penitentiary
Such an angry entry, such visions about a Elementary
Throbbing to inflict pain, hell’s bound to predict Shame
Living a convicted game,

i liked the sorta heaven hell thing goin on in this part i think the overall of the whole peice could have been better if the flow went out a bit more smooth but it was a nice read keep it up

[Jawn Raw]

i thought the flow was perfect not sure what your talkin about

i used multiples and a good rhyme scheme,

i guess you dont understand

anyway uppin

[.Symbol.]

I liked the emotion, the structure was very solid, the lines was good stcure and flow nah meani like the center thing always makes it look betta, and the words you used and the story line was good and solid, i was getting into it, it didnt bore me one bit. which is good keep on the good work for reals b keep it up

[Kaotic Theory]

the emotion was actually very solid man,the imagery was decent but nice in most areas,the structure i thought was cleanly done, in a nice format.....played concept but thats ok it was an ss drop so not much a choice for what u write about,anyways the flow was nicely done also....overall man id say this was an above average drop nice..

[Taeisbeast.]

Nice. Everybody that left good feed basically summed it up for me. Like said, you had nice emotion and imagery was great. Structure was nice and the flow was near perfect. Not bad, but could be better. It was a decent om, the syllables were okay, stanza's could be worked on though. Not bad.

[Deviate]

Just read this on SS, this was nice. Your writing has improved so much in the time you've been here, well done. I enjoyed this piece, I'm sure it's something a lot of people can relate too, which made it all the more interesting. You had some great emotion and imagery, however, I felt that some of the vocab was inconsistant. The way you wrote it was sort of inconsistant, some of the lines felt more like an audio track combined with topical, which is not a bad thing, but in an SS piece perhaps not the most attractive thing. This was good overall, I don't want to be too hard on you. Check out the link in my sig if you have a spare moment...

[Jawn Raw]

thanks a lot for the feedback

uppin for a 2nd page here,

please more feedback i'll rtf when i get back on tuesday

[sILLable]

loved tha imagery and multis in this piece...stayed consistent throughout tha whole piece....your wordplay was tight....good emotion and very easy to relate to....all in all i thought this piece was very ill.....keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

[Dae']

damn homie you did it again, everythings on point scheme, structure, imagery, flow. im impressed again good stuff man

[block busta59]

that was crazy. very nice wordplay. and the multis topped it off. keep doin ya thing