SpiTTeN HolY WaTeR

[MetaL FlaMEsSsS]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214129 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=2806925




cant ya see the devils words will fold ya.. he might talk the talk but his words wont console ya/
tha fool will not stop til every holy hoe is holding a huge holster//
and til every manly man come hand and hand wit a tin can toaster/
tha devil words is killin like its so suppose ta.. but i stand and demand that gods hand is in command/
i'll bend these fool sins til they understand the devils hand is not to be recommend//
cant you comprehend to befriend a friend thatll amend ya sins/
start a new trend that transcend into gods heavenly hands//
pray heavily man cause every beginnin that began since the beginnin always seem to come to a end.



TwIsT FliP and RevErsE
InTo ThE FirSt VerSE YoU MeRkED


im the master of disaster.. ya level couldnt get "Pass fasteR" if you "Shortened pas.toR".. you bastard/
cant you jus be happy to hear that clickety click clack in ya back like you shouldve took ya "Prozac fasteR"//
your a shot away from talkin to casper.. take pics cause you couldnt get "Close to thiS" if you respelled "ShiT"/
like the "Mac and mE" how i conceal the "Mac wit mE"*.. ya heart will skip a beat when a clip hit ya lip//* Mac and mE the alien movie*
itll swallow ya shit wit that big o' hollow tip.. its kinda like a "Hot massagE" how i fill your "Back wit heaT"/
call me "Hurricane danieL" how i "Destroy ya keyS".. your not seeing what im seeing cause i see no defeat//

[Ls an blunts]

LOLOL...im feeln this, 'like the "Mac and mE" how i conceal the "Mac wit mE".. u didnt have to explain that cause i used to watch that as a kid. i was liken this thru the hole thing. i like how u put ur words together, that ryme sceem u use with the same letters is dope, "tha fool will not stop til every holy hoe is holding a huge holster//
and til every manly man come hand and hand wit a tin can toaster/". i like how ur NOT story telling but u keep to one topic, then u fliped the scipt an came all combat style battle mode, lol. dope metaphores, dope vocab, dope style... u rymed off words that were in mid sentence, i like that to, dope. this is nice.

[Kippa]

I like your rythme you have good transitions and yo vocab is kinda dope. You mixed it up a bit and it's not bad

[MakeShyft]

Good for a beginner.

This had some mulits, and .. alot of spelling errors, and ThIs SHit Is PLAyeD
But, overal, it was decent.. don't put // at the end of your lines eather.. I kinda felt the topic, you could get more emotional in some parts.. try to not repeat words so often, and balance your lines.. Stay up.
Pz,
Chek out my piece, |Illuminati| its near the top.

[CrazyCarl]

I thought the first stanza was better. You're probably elevate quicker doing topicals than self-glory like the second stanza. You need work on your wording and concepts for wordplay. You can give the reader some credit by losing the "" and //. You overused "hand" in the first stanza, and kept putting it in to keep the rhyme going. The two stanzas have totally different feels to them, I would recommend practicing on pieces similar to the first.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210425

[street-play]

chea the first stanza was the best..not too bad for a beginner though however there were a hell off alot of spelling mistakes in there..work on that..had some multis would have liked a few more a bit more emotion in some off it...that would make the piece alot better...and cut the // its hella anoying and also wack..ight but not too bad keep at it

[MetaL FlaMEsSsS]

keep the feed comin .. and i didnt mispell any words except ya , ta , and every word that end wit G

[Issue]

This was, as already stated, good for a beginner. You seem like a noob because you have a stupid name, but you have potential to become something good if you are.

You have decent wordplay, not original but you show an ability to be above average, just keep writing and elevation will happen if you listen to others and read some other people's work on this site.

take it easy,
Peace.

[Geflugelte Worte]

You need to take more time and have your shit better written.
Throw in a bit more advanced vocabulary with methaphors and better imagery.
Alittle work and you migh be kinda good.