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Thread: What makes a masterpiece...

  1. #1
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    What makes a masterpiece...

    What makes a masterpiece, besides something unordinary
    Extraordinary beliefs, and flow like blood out the coronaries
    A presense of mind, that seeks fine clues down to the hand..
    ..nerve ending to nerve beginning, like clicking emails to send
    A system of the body, like veins to keep the reader's alive
    ..and the main highway arteries, to flow big like these lines
    Speaks fine, but like brail can feel with a faint touch
    .. and can see the full effect, even with blind eyes shut
    Flow of a gifted, internal, twizted, explicit to complex...
    or changing quick, a storyline leaves you saying chapter... next?
    Flow like a fan that flies on high..
    or low, goes slow as the piece unravels
    And leads a path to travel, in which an ignorant mind baffles
    Or an intelligent spark of deep emotion, leaves it forever encastled
    Pastel colors of the poet's perception, in words laid to be..
    painting a picture of artistic value creating plausible imagery
    Like a diamond it's formed, but not under merely pressure
    ..but of delicate precision that seems of an unearthly character
    And the best way to describe is of utmost aesthetic nature
    You feel it in your hand the second it draws the paper...
    You'd think talent's unparamount, it was done on purpose
    ..but a writer writes many pieces, and some may be worthless
    Takes the perfect moment, where the writers senses connect, see..
    creating everlasting symmetry.. is what makes a masterpiece
    PandorasBox



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  2. #2
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    Last edited by CAMROK; July 18th, 2005 at 11:14 PM
    PandorasBox



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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title! .Symbol.'s Avatar
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    lol damn man you fuckin lost me wit those big words lol you get like a 10/10 for vocab....you're multies was good and wit the good vocab you did good on the multies I liked the simile you had expecially the internet one wit the emaila and the nerv ending line....structure was goood medium line= good flow it was nice i really enjoyed the easy reading...the vocab the multies and the similes made you have a good imagery in ya verse and that i liked overall you had a good verse i would give you a 7.5-8/10 and two lol

    please RTF- Open Mic in sig.
    ...

  4. #4
    Word is Bond Sublime D's Avatar
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    This was interesting...

    I thought it was a little bleh for the first half, but the second half really picked it up a lot...i liked the flow, and the direction of thought...i liked the diction, appropriate...the concept has been done, and it has been done better, but this piece still stands on it's on as a very nice open mic/poem...this was good...well deserved 8/10...
    Bittersweet

  5. #5
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    thanks, i dont remember it being done like i did ti.. but cool.

    uppin
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  6. #6
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    upp.
    PandorasBox



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  7. #7
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    upp..
    PandorasBox



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  8. #8
    Banned MakeShyft's Avatar
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    Nice piece here

    Liked the flow, and the emotion was kinda there, It' was more or less all thoughts nothin physical, but I liked it . It made me think. The rhyms sheme was nice, and I really understood waht you were tryin' to say. Your vocab was top notch, but sometimes I felt you were swaying w/ the topic.
    KeepElevatin'

    rtf |Dear Santa| my newest open mike.
    Pz.

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! six milez's Avatar
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    a yo i think that was truly deep as shit and like symbol said there were a lot of big ass words in there that i didnt know what they all ment but the shit i understood was hot as shit and i really was feeling the shit
    HITMAN a.k.a. ASSASIN

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  10. #10
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    thanks, great feed.. uppin
    PandorasBox



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  11. #11
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    This isn't an easy piece for me to critique...

    The complexity was overflowing throughout the verse. The wordplay and vocabulary was excellent and had multies in spots throughout the verse which kept the flow alive. You used a couple of similies here or there to relate things to what makes a masterpiece and the emotion was felt because you were expressing your thoughts throughout the entire piece.

    Now, the one thing that i HATED about this verse...

    Was the fact that is was such a complex verse and many readers easily get lost throughout it. For example; many people are focusing on your vocab and flow, and get lost in how abstract the piece is due to little or no storytelling or imagery. This makes them forget what the piece is about. Half way through I had to pause and go... "What's going on?" Then I re-read your opening lines "What makes a masterpiece?" and I continued to read on. I think you could have improved this be restating that quote in different parts throughout your verse so that the reader stays focus on the message you are trying to convey, and not the complexity you are laying down. Enjoy the feed.

  12. #12
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    nice shit homie good wordplay and big words at that u put that shit in perfect detail keep it up

  13. #13
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    thnx for the great feed.. i appreciate it, i understand exactly what you're saying, i could've designed it that way.. but i did it on purpose to begin and end with "the masterpiece" to make ppl go "oh yeah..." at the end. the middle was to be complex and try to make readers focus and think.. may be better suited for older aged- i dunno.

    great feed though.. uppin fo mo
    PandorasBox



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  14. #14
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    want more good feed.. uppin
    PandorasBox



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  15. #15
    xNY~NJx CAMROK's Avatar
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    PandorasBox



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