|Dark Cupid|

[MakeShyft]

|Dark Cupid|

- My lazy eyes cannot see anymore

Or is it fear?

No, im not afraid, im ... consumed, by?

Lovely Darkness.

The Day, its so beautiful - nice, comforting, pleasureful - heavenly
My pen is like the sliver lining, the anti - drug of my amphetamine
I am an experimental growth, given religion, society.. family and education
With these skills I wield a gift, rapped in countless occupations
But the key, the pen - the mind intertwined and defined as infinite
I have taken this to another level, stretched the cerebral limits
I see life as a box, and I am trapped - held .. no, I chose this scenario
Water depleads into my lungs, as if water depleading into a stereo
Static bends my body, although this cube is 6x6 centimetres in area
So I've shrunk to the size of my wealth, and doubled phobic hysteria
Inside this cage of life, I see through everyone's eyes, on six faces
With my pen, and my skin, I spill ink into the interior of myself - you’re overrated
I see you and everyone else, cascading.. hiding in a shadow
Through billions of eyes I see you, your .. dying in my shadow
And.. I turn my emotional cube - now im angry ... I turn sickly white
Ill and ; cancerous tumours .. bite the eyes of my white's .. rhetorical insight
TO my delight, your mother dies - and Im happy, glad, pleasurous like the day
Although these pictures of creation have fondled the love that I've overpayed.
Spinning now, arrows bouncing - shattering off the walls of my chamber
Stitches of white and black collide, causing red.. a tasteless flavour
My body, mind - soul .. falls for two, the broth of independence is skewed
With a bow intrecated - loaded with one arrow laced with my emotional brew
In a direction unknown, a shot is released.. but knows.. loves it's target
My cage is re- made, and I stay unawakened, trapped inside..it's lethargy
71 miles is the direct amount of space taken by the arrow...
Composed of love and hate.. and fused with bones of psychotic marrow
Throughout time the arrow crawls underground guided by fate
Predictions evolve.. predictions.. evolving .. are we too late?
Have we done wrong ? or is it love that we seek .. cupid?
71 miles .. 7 - 11; July 1st.. these timelines have grown stupid
When have we faulted, is the arrow just a symbol of death?
apocalyptically yes, and this stress remedised by the arrow is what I detest
..DO we celebrate.. July 1st, or .. hate it ? .. what emotion does cupid bring?
The truth is inside us all.. we are .. a breed of experimental .. things?
These questions confuse me, then .. my box formed around me..Failure is what i detect
- The arrow has already penetrated existence's heart
...what are we to expect?


Link'z
#1
#2

[MakeShyft]

Ready for sum feed.

[Nick James...]

Very dope piece.

I liked how it was really descriptive and how the vocabulary was very large, maybe a lil bit too large, because at times I felt it took away from the flow. It might be because I am an idiot, and had to sound some the words out lmao, and then the flow was off...idk lol. The metaphors were all really nice, very descriptive, added alot to the story, but I felt at times it threw off the story. It was hard to stay into the story, because all the metaphors were leading away from it. But the second half, or basically from where the arrow was shot and down...it was priceless. The ending was alright, could of been better, but still left the reader wanting more. Not much emotion, but I could feel some in there, a little more emotion could of topped it off. Dope piece though man.

Rate - 9/10

[MakeShyft]

Thx alot for the feed.. upin

[MakeShyft]

Upin this.

[MakeShyft]

Bump.. more feed wud be dope.

[Novakane]

Nice drop that some real shit

[MakeShyft]

Have a good sleep..? let's get some feedback bitches!

[TheKing]

k makeshyft... you had extensive vocabulary in this piece the metaphors were nice, too. the ending left me hanging though... you should make a part two

8/10

Return the favor and vote on my battle wit Holice The Boss

in my siggy is the link

[MakeShyft]

Thx up.

[MakeShyft]

Bump .. Slide .. Please Dickride.

[Omni]

fuckin dope. vocabulary was extensive, and was feeling the way u were playing with the central idea of this. Metaphores, flow where on point. Wording seem stretched on few occasions, so its safe to say this was a high quality verse. Like "the king" said, the ending could have been a lil bit better, but the way you chose to end it is alright...
"When have we faulted, is the arrow just a symbol of death?
apocalyptically yes, and this stress remedised by the arrow is what I detest"

line was dope but wat do u mean by apocalyptically....are u saying the arrow is capable or represents destruction?

this piece gets an 8.5/10
return the favor on my open mic
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...172post2660172

[MakeShyft]

the arrow is really a representation .. good question, id have to sit here all day to break this piece down tho, cause it's more or less waht YOU make of it, the arrow is an opinion

Ill rtf. thx for feed.
Pz

[Dae One]

vocabulary was way to much in this piece....to tha point that some peepz wont be able to understand it or relate to it in anyway....wordplay decent.....but at times to much to be able to flow nicely, or even on a beat....to be honest with ya this is more like a poem other than a song....hope to c better from u

peace......

[MakeShyft]

^ illiterate basterd, epileptic? ...or cerbral policy?

Up.