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Thread: God -vs- Satan (Untouchable & YungenB)

  1. #1
    bitch.
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    God -vs- Satan (Untouchable & YungenB)

    Man-(-Untouchable-)
    A man sits in front of his tub, the more water that rises...the more his life is decided
    His thoughts make him cringe, frightened he wishes for life but his mind his divided
    He asks Why me? In one day, he's lost a wife, a kid...a whole family
    He shakes like a fein as he remembers the horrific sight of the plane crash scene
    Finally..he grabs the knife, meant to end his life, and steps in the tub as it finishes its rise
    Should I do it? I dont know...I cant decide...

    God-(-Untouchable-)
    Dont succomb to the pain, the evil inside Ur brain
    Control the anger, all the hate U shouldnt contain
    Remember bein' a child, the happieness of a smile
    Ur first love...and the new life that made it all worth the while
    Take Ur life by grasp, n' think "This to shall pass"
    Dont become another wast, ignorant trash
    U can overcome the obstacle, just keep Ur cool
    I will forgive the pure...even you
    Trust Ur instinct, and Ur good beliefs
    To U I have reached, to guide away from defeat
    For Ur life isnt complete, Ur not yet extinct
    Just believe n' forget the grieve, put down the knife and achieve
    I have givin' U guidance...now ponder in silence
    I pray that Ur decision isn't violent...dont be defiant
    U know the right way...the good in U hasnt faded away
    Start over, for U are forgiven of all Ur sins...as of today.


    Satan-(YungenB)
    These illusions in your head are really full of confusion
    Unprovin delusions of unamusin images now unloosened
    No time to rejoice, and life doesn’t seem to be a choice
    Too afraid to hear that voice that seems to never be destroyed
    A never ending whisper, screams with children slowly crawling close
    Blood exposed, sliding out your eyes and nose with no surviving hope
    At times you feel the only way for it to disapear is to do suicide
    But every night..You think that Christ is gonna heal and undo your life
    Where's Christ now that you see yourself staring at da dull stars
    Thinkin to yourself the plane was low on gas why did I travel so far
    Then your wife and kid would be here to cherish life
    Now thinkin that it's your fault to your sternum you grip the knife
    I don't see you being happy all i see is a hopeless man
    The only story written was with the pen in your life-less hand
    Fears an exception with this flood of rain You feed your breath mist
    Tears of depression and blood of pain. You bleed your death list

    Man-(-Untouchable-)
    After hearing from both sides, he dont know which to comply
    He gots to decide, but he wants to just shrivel up n' cry
    He presses the knife against his side, and pierces the skin
    Seems he has listened to the devil within
    Or maybe not, as he pulls away after watchin blood pour from the spot
    He thinks as he watches blood drop,
    Then he stands up, overcoming the pain and pulling the knife from his vein
    He feels shame, but finally realizes, for his family's death...he isnt to blame
    He steps out, reachin for his drugs, with happieness n' love-
    Then slips on some water and breaks his neck on the tub

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Vertikle
    Guest
    Original man.........I give ya props, the structure and way the piece was broken down was nice.......Yungen B did a nice job and so did you....Flow was hot and the imagery was there not all the way but still hot enough for me to take the time to read it and like it.........Plus vocab was average.....but still worked nice wit this piece.......Rhymes were nice too..........Keep dropping you 2 have alot of great potential........and you seem to be using it.........8/10..........pz ~1~

  4. #4
    bitch.
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    Uppin.

  5. #5
    Newbie
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    I thought it was very good..Nice structure and topic
    Wins:

    Losses:


    KO's:


    FaTaL ProDucTiOns

  6. #6
    Banned MakeShyft's Avatar
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    really good ending

    Untouchable -

    Your first verse was - meh.. it was alright.. just an opener nothin specail, but you're second verse , when you're God, that was powerful , really well written, along with the last verse too, couple things you gotta do is have more flow.. and the rhym sheme was ok.. but try and bring more inside emotion into you're Om's - overall nice drop

    Yungen B - Your verse was good. i like the was you defined the devil , and you made a good argument over the man not killin himself, overall, your flow was good, and your sheme was good too..but i'd elevate on more physical description.. decent drop

    Keep Elevatin, an chek out the link below , my new Om . . Dark Cupid

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=206453

  7. #7
    bitch.
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    Thanks for the feed...

    Bump.

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! lyrickz's Avatar
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    yea,i give it props for originality...ya know. Not just rapping about busting gats and doing ho's, and grippin wood grain, blah,blah,blah. Both emcees were exceptional and i especially like YungenB's verse. i like the vocab, some cats try to use a bunch of big words and in the process wind up producing garbage, but ya stuff actually made since. good drop
    [YOUTUBE]JCsid25llio[/YOUTUBE]

  9. #9
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    not bad... untouchable..fix yur fuckin structure..your flow is off...
    young, you did MUCH better in your verses.... good vocab... which was REALLY the strongest part... your imagry was Eh... and with a topic like this, you didnt have enough...
    i dont think you played well with the topic...i felt no emotion in it... not bad overall...
    keep elevating

  10. #10
    bitch.
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    Testicle...learn to make a complete sentence.

    But thanks for the feed man.

    Bump.

  11. #11
    Brown Man Can ScribblyLines's Avatar
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    sun flowa seeds
    O.D.B. rest in peace
    1001 mutherfuken gun show fleets
    verbal Bleeps
    deep coma sleep
    off shore ,attracted whore
    crazy purple heat
    chadder meat
    ( I LIKE UR LYRICAL STORY)

  12. #12
    Call Me Pullover...
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    ..ups 4 feed..
    ..I'm So Fuckin' Hoody..!

  13. #13
    NuM-WuN
    Guest
    haha i really liked this piece..great collab..the ending had a nice twist kinda actually made me laugh a bit..you had some excellent imagery in this, vocab was okay..better in some areas more than others..try on using better vocab throughout the pice not jus certain lines n stuff..that would make your piece alot better, both of your flows were on point..structure was good..the 3 different emotions were well done (God, Satin, the man)..overall this piece was pretty good, keep elevating and keep writing..

  14. #14
    Mikey B
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    this topic was tight. it was original the stucture was kool too. u had some nice multies in there too. 9 out of ten piece guys. keep droppin, it's hot.

  15. #15
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    Original man.........I give ya props, the structure and way the piece was broken down was nice.......Yungen B did a nice job and so did you....Flow was hot and the imagery was there not all the way but still hot enough for me to take the time to read it and like it.........Plus vocab was average.....but still worked nice wit this piece.......Rhymes were nice too..........Keep dropping you 2 have alot of great potential........and you seem to be using it.........8/10..........pz ~1~

    thats what i thought...pretty accurate....keep droppin tha hottness.~1~


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