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Thread: suicide

  1. #1
    *Peaches*
    Guest

    suicide

    feelin miserable, always cryin, stay feelin bad
    shitn is so hard for me, that's why i cant halp but bein mad
    close friends always wanna know why i'm always sad
    tellin the truth, i told em there's nothin that can make me be glad
    sorry on the inside, mind set on shit i was hurt by
    i sent a message around to my homies askin how would they feel if i die?
    lonely, it seems lik i'm not loved from anyone thats close
    dont know why, but i feel that my man creepin with so many hoes
    feelin asamed, stayin up writin in ma diaryi cant sleep
    hurt more and more everyday my feelins are hurt so deep
    i wanna die, i dont wanna succeed in livin on this earth
    it makes sense to me cus eveyday i'm betrayed even worse
    dont this shit hurts, cut ma arms up with a razor and watched ma blood flow
    pain in my life what di i do, i dont know
    i watched the blood drip and drip until it hit the floor
    thinkin to ma self like, i just cant take this shit anymore
    killin ma self can relieve my pain and stress
    why should i live if i'm worth alot, but people take me for less
    drove around until i found a place to die and came across a bridge
    while i leaned over the water way below i had serious thoughts about ma kids
    second thoughts about jumpin but i felt i must not live this life
    its time to go up high took a deep breath, shed ma last tears and said good bye.....

  2. #2
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    5,480
    Battle Record
    12-1
    aight...... i see your new......and this wasnt bad at all.........the rhymes were simple and the flow was ok... structure coulkd be better... the topic was ok......kind of interesting..... keep it up.....overall 7/10......keep elevating and keep improving too.....and you should have read the rules....the mod can tell you all about that... have a good day

  3. #3
    *Peaches*
    Guest
    thank you....

  4. #4
    hmmm I would have to give this a 6/10, It really lacked big words, I noticed you just use boring stuff like mad, bad, glad, Try and make it more complex, also the flow was pretty whack at some parts, 20 sylabol lines followed by 7 syllabol lines, It was okay for a first drop

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Philly
    Age
    35
    Posts
    119
    Battle Record
    1-5
    i really dont kno y u would write a song about suicide unless ur like eminem or somthin but its kinda weard, dont like this kinda shit


    no h8

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