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Thread: God's Day Off

  1. #16
    Veteran Born To Kill's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Houston, Texas
    Age
    55
    Posts
    20,733
    Battle Record
    212-103
    Awards LLL Season Champion LLL HOF 200+ Wins
    Nice shit, Jekyll...

    You should write topical more often.

    Although I felt this particular topic was a bit contrite...I think you pulled it off.

    A fresher topic, one not so preachy woulda been nice.
    This one's been driven into the ground...but I guess you kinda hint to that in your rhyme when you mention "will anyone notice this".

    Anyway...for me...I really prefer a story over someone telling me how they think and why I should think the same way...too preachy.

    But you kept a nice flow, coulda used a bit more multis, but still...
    It was smooth.

    Good vocab, nothing crazy, but nothing "cat & dog" about it.


  2. #17
    bitch.
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Indianapolis
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,114
    Battle Record
    11-25
    This was pretty good...I felt it. Seemed some lines were stretched, but the feeling was pretty good. I think the questions at the beginning fucked up the flow...but it made an interesting story. Really deep with Ur beliefs. Nice vocab, and U did a good way of expressing Ur opinions.

    Good piece...8.5/10

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