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Thread: God's Day Off

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    God's Day Off

    GOD'S DAY OFF



    Biological weapons! No new phenomenon, no new experiment –
    What’s not a nice thought is ..
    .. There could be spores, right now in your tenement!
    You could be inhaling your death, and the death of a thousand more;
    Thousands could turn to millions, before they arrest the chemical war
    And how is this done? How does the plague stop, once it’s begun?
    Madmen sin in sacrilege … but how is this war won?
    What’s done cannot be undone, the population could be cut asunder
    The free world severed from it’s roots, the shoots drowned in thunder!
    People trying to leave? Refugees would spread the disease, far and wide
    So I must pray, that god … is a far wiser man than I ..
    Misers in bomb shelters? They’re prisoners, to rescinded skies
    But survivors; alive – while countless thousands and then some, will die
    .. We can feign ignorance, but in the end, we know what’s coming to us
    Governments have the technology ..
    .. Meaning that it only takes one Judas,
    One microbe or spore, to decimate, an untold score of civilians ..
    One outbreak, could cut a swathe, right through the teeming millions!

    In today's wars, there are no morals, and
    it is clear that mankind has descended to
    the lowest degrees of decadence and
    oppression.

    - Osama Bin Laden
    We the people?! We’re pawns - expendable to all intents and purposes
    And there are people out there, in the name of God - acting murderous
    People are purposeless, and it seems like, no one is watching over us
    World War Three’s on the brink, do you think, people even notice this?
    All I know is this - I will do anything necessary to protect me & my own
    And when freedom’s postponed, I’ll fight for my rights, even be it alone
    Justice must be done, and we’ll rest only when the evil has paid the cost
    I know for sure that when fate strikes, I’ll be waiting … for God’s day off

    .
    Last edited by Dan Dare; June 18th, 2005 at 05:59 PM
    ...

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    Last edited by Dan Dare; June 18th, 2005 at 03:30 PM
    ...

  3. #3
    InSaNe B
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    Nice fuckin' piece.. I really felt this one, I enjoyed every single part of it. Just hearing you talk about this war and what you predict what might happen is just tremendous.. good piece very good piece.. I'm sure others will be pretty impressed also.. pce out....

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    Great word usage...i really enjoyed your content..the overall wording was good in all your lines...you showed great imagery...i could really see a picture of what your talkin about...I liked the overal verse and topic concept...you relayed them very well...Nice job.
    Animosity

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    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    Damn jek....this piece was ill...I have read countless pieces on this familiar topic they all sounded...well way too poetic...yours on the other hand was lyrical I can picture this in audio....and when I do I picture it over a dark beat where in the backround you can hear faintly the sounds of chaos, screams. bombardment an such...nah man this shit is my kind of piece...9/10 just plain ill....good job...peace...-E

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    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    Maybe it was the way I read it...on my Sidekick II shit looks a lot smaller...plus I was listening to the Mr Lif I Phantom album so to me it sounded like something that would fit perfectly on the album...but in my eyes it didn't sound very poetic at all...but that's the beauty of perception...people percieve differently...

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    All Open Mics are poems, technically, since they're not real music ..
    ...

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    i 100% agree with insane B, just reading how you talked about the way you talked about the war and all.... i liked how you typed this more to the left.. really creative and i liked the powerful rhymes... i like your predictions.. all really good... great job!
    keep it

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    Straight Drop.....I think you started out pretty Raw, but then it started to slow down...But i Thought it was a pretty good Drop, Pretty Good Topic...Overall A Pretty Ill Peice......

    Id Give IT

    8/10

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    ive heard open mics based on the same subject a hundred times before & they start to get repetitive, but this was a different take on it. there was more lookin to the future instead of the past... predictions & stuff, so props on that.

    Imagery was good as was the vocab...flow was decent & the general wordin of the lines was good.

    Overall a good piece.




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    Back By Popular Demand... ELEETE's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jekyll
    All Open Mics are poems, technically, since they're not real music ..
    This is where I have to disagree with you...music doesn't have to be blatanly sung to be music...when I write I write as if it is coming out of my own mouth to the beat...I believe that is why they created Poetic Scriptures in the first place...kinda the problem I see in OM nowadays...people have strayed from the music an put too much poetry in here...any that's just my opinion...but dope piece either way Jek...

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    ^ I do that too, when I write an Open Mic, write to a rhythm I mean .. but still, a piece of writing is what it is, you can't argue that Textual 'Open Mic' isn't just a type of poetry. And when you guys read it, you can find rhythm in the piece, but you can't hear any actual audible music. Textceeing is what it is.

    Anyway .. thanks for the reads, all, I will try to reply to some, but as you all know I have to read a lot of pieces in this forum since I'm supposed to be modding it as well. Lol. I may not have the time (.. or the patience admittedly).
    ...

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! E Tha Real's Avatar
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    .. We can feign ignorance, but in the end, we know what’s coming to us
    Governments have the technology ..
    .. Meaning that it only takes one Judas,
    ^powerful segment

    Didn't really have the grace and beauty for a poem, or the
    rhythm for a rap... I think I'll call it an open mic.
    The structure and rhyme scheme changed from both verses
    I don't know why, but it also feels as if the writers voice
    changed from an insightful humble tone to a redemption tone.
    this topic of course isn't original... but with the quote was
    something you don't usually see with the predictions as
    well. An intresting read.

    1-2

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  15. #15
    ColtYTRecords
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    deep shit son...i like it... flow was nice.. lines werent that long and not that short..umm vocab made its presence... it was a overall good verse 8.5/10

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