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Thread: Shadowboxing

  1. #1
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Shadowboxing

    Bottom Line- Big Blind

    The Loudspeaker- K9

    Inspired by the Wu Tang song of the same name, enjoy:


    Shadowboxing

    The bag swings back from the impact of murderous rhymres
    Jabs leave vapour trails: perverting the mind
    Reversing in time in order to avoid reciprocation
    Testing out a new technique learned in a different nation
    Shadowboxing, weaving in and out with my mirror image
    Like the yang of my soul, depicted without a visage
    When i moves, he moves, to the closest degree
    In mimicry, sweat drips but there's no rest for me
    I strike a crane stance and ignore the screaming pain
    My muscles rebel, sore, bleeing and drained
    The cresent kick cuts a perfect C, tearing the atmosphere
    Maybe its prayer lacking here but the facts are unclear
    I start again, relax, breathe, clear my mind
    The thought process is blacked out, reduced to a line
    I focus on my silouette, and feel the chi rising
    The air grew hazy, the sensation of speed, gliding
    Some kind of optical illusion started to take place
    The shadow detached from the wall, my mouths a great gape
    It stood opposite and bowed, i recovered my senses
    Bowed back and prepared for combat type offenses
    He struck a stance, so did i, and now the game's on
    But i realised instantly, it was the same one
    He knew every technique and how to counterattack
    Soon i was losing, trying to bounce the fight back
    Then realisation dawned on the path to victory
    I disengaged and stood frozen for the wrath, literally
    To launch an offensive, instead it stood pensive
    Somewhat tentative and stuck on the defensive
    This conjoured apprition could only react
    And the follow tradition, i'd learned on dojo mats
    If i could keep my mind clear of martial imagining
    I could fight instinctively, defeat and banish him
    We fought again, but this time the shadow seemed lost
    The impact of fists and feet reaped a deep cost
    The pitch black figure slumped, then fell to his knees
    It seemed a voice said "Finish him! Tell him to plead!"
    But i aint a killer, don't listen to the voice in my head, no
    I simply pointed to the wall he came from and said "Go."

    Because i knew if i murdered the source of energy
    It'd be like killing my own identity


    I got a bloodless victory and retained my components
    Mastered Shadowboxing and gained a worthy opponent
    Left the room to rest for long hours after
    Thus concludes the newest of the dojo's chapters!

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
    14 x OM HoF



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  2. #2
    Big Blind
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    hot, yo this is a good piece man feeling every word spoken.
    yo the stucture is good never flowed off course.
    you kept my attention althought I did lose the picture some times.
    but the vision of the shadowboxing was clear.
    I see this being around a 7 out of 10.
    taken nothin away it was still hot!

  3. #3
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    crazy story, this is some weird stuff, cool but wierd. nice visuals in here. the cresent kick tore a perfect c in the atmosphere. something like that anyways. it was dope. i really like how you ended it. killing the energy would be killing my idenity. that was excellent the overall concept of this piece was great. everyone has battles with there inner selves, however you put it into an actually battle with the shadow representing that making it much easier for the average reader to comprehend. very nice. it was writen nicely. i thought it could use more multi's.....joking, but that is what you tell me every time. i thought it was a very solid piece and something you should be proud of.
    Follow at
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    Music --->>>>
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  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! TeLLaKoNeSiS's Avatar
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    As Usual A Great Piece From You Man, The Story Here Was Dope I Liked How You Brought The Story To Life Basically By Being So Descriptive Whilst I Was Reading I Had A Perfect Picture In My Head Of The Scene.
    The Flow And Structure Was Easy To Pick Up On Cause We Use Sorta The Same Style Multis Where Nicely Placed And Sylibles Where Combined Nicely At Time A Great Addition For The Dojo Chapters
    Can't Wait To Get Our Collabs Up And Running
    Keep Dropping Yah iLLness

    PaRa.
    I Don't Need A Sig?

  5. #5
    Vertikle
    Guest
    Good piece man..........Liked the flow and imagery of the piece.......which made the whole verse juss stick out....It read good and you used nice vocabulary...Good job on this piece man...............8/10..........Pretty good.............

  6. #6
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    cheers for the positive feedback guys, always appriciated.

    ^^uppin this fucker^^

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
    14 x OM HoF



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  7. #7
    Evolve FanTa ZeE's Avatar
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    origional to boot! very nice topic, what would have interested me more is if you hadn't said it was a shadow the persona was fighting until the very end...but it was nice, stayed on topic, had another level of vocab that i'm not used to seeing much of..nice, i think the whole thing gelled near perfectly..structure was on, flowed nicely..

    keep it up
    Def Poets

  8. #8
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Brainz's Avatar
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    This was another hit from the Johnny guy. The topic was hott. The vocabulary used was great too. The flow was on point and not stretched good going. The way you dropped was decent

    The bag swings back from the impact of murderous rhymes
    Jabs leave vapour trails: perverting the mind

    I loved the way you ended it very creative and original

    I got a bloodless victory and retained my components
    Mastered Shadowboxing and gained a worthy opponent
    Left the room to rest for long hours after
    Thus concludes the newest of the dojo's chapters!

    Holla at mine /\ Hatred /\
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=200766
    Last edited by Brainz; June 13th, 2005 at 09:33 AM

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    Dead in the middle of Little Italy little did we know
    that we riddled some middleman who didn't do diddily
    ~Big Pun~


    I rub your face off the Earth and curse your family children
    like Amityville drill the nerves in your cavity fillin
    Insanity's building up pavillion in my civilian
    The cannon be the anarchy that humanity's dealing
    A villain without remorse, who's willing to out your boss
    Forever and take all the cheddar like child support
    ~Big Pun~

  9. #9

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    nice peice j man...ill give you the good and the bad
    good- nice topic nice vocab and a nice structure.
    bad-basic rhymeing schemes, flow fell of in a few
    places just due to words being added in uneeded
    or words cuda bin put in.
    overall a nice drop tho man work on the bad
    and recieve alot more good ....

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  10. #10
    2012
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    tight piece man. cool topic. the vocab you used in here was nice, nice imagery and emotion. in some parts the flow was a little forced, so try and work on that. this isnt something i do, because im not on the level yet, but i will recommend from reading alot of other pieces to try and elevate your rhyme scheme to the next level. but word. this was cool dude. a well enjoyed read.

    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  11. #11
    You've Earned a Custom Title! MonStar's Avatar
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    nice piece...loved the topic...you stayed on it throughout and really got it across with a lot of nice imagery...the vocab was good, as was the structure...flow was also nice and stayed on throughout...a few lines could probably use a little touching up to flow a bit better but thats about it...overall it was a really good piece and made for a nice read...keep up the good work...

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