Natural Disaster

[Swift Death]

Natural Disaster

winds blow... water wages war...
but the soul burns brighter
as time ages and lifeblood pours,
we see who is the fighter

A Sword cresent slices arteries as he falls to his kness
paid the fee the last soldier falls victim to his angry decree
he was orderd to slaughter innocence,
destroy a village
an immence shot of moral a sensless pillage
the defenceless women and children where to die
he looked to the sky and gave his vengefull reply

I will not kill theses peoples, i will protect them
the was wind still, he was thought to be condemned

he fought till he could not move, a disaster
with something to prove, disobeyed his master
with relexes faster he dropped all twenty
stopped only wehn all was done, blood was plenty
will tears of joy and anger he laid down his sword
his reward, the very people he faught to be restored
turned and shoved a knife in his back... all was silent
the natural diaster had been stopped, no longer violent

[Swift Death]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=198550
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....php?p=2524313

[Swift Death]

ok...

[Trema]

I dont no why people are sleeping on yo piece i found it ok, it got confusing in alot of places! Although i red through all of it i didn't catch on to some parts of your piece. You was very creative with your piece but you need to make it understandable for people to read and they'll leave decent feedback! But this is your style and its deep, so keep it up!

[Nick James...]

Yea....I cant see why people are sleeping on this. The vocab was superb, imgery was okay and the emotion of the man not wantign to kill the innocent people had a strong feeling. Came off more poetic than hip hop though. But being rated on hip hop I would say the flow was perfect, I saw a good multie...and everythign else was nice as well...

Overall rate - 9/10

Hit up one tha battles or open mics in my sig...

[Swift Death]

all my stuff comes off more poetic... but thanks.

[Swift Death]

yep...

[MakeShyft]

This was more poetic than an OM, but I guess thats the way you write. I really enjoyed this topic, although it was really short, the lines really got to me, and gave me many pictures. I think you could increase the size, and really expand on the story more, along with the flow, it could have been slightly adjusted. Overall, i was feelin this piece, new topic, never used.
always keep elevatin'

[vice_versa]

yeah i kinda felt this one...its really not what im into though....if you can perfect this style though then more power to you....but for now....nice

[2hot2handle]

I liked it. Ya structure was a bit sketchy so improve on that. I loved ya rhymes cause that is the spine of rapping. You ended strongly or else it would have been aight. This was a good piece. The flow was okay and the story worked well in it. Its a little hard to understand. Keep up the vocab, flow and ya imagery was good. You can work harder on the structure but overall good piece.

[EyeBite]

hummmmm.......this drop seems more poetic to me than to open mic......the rhymes were ok.... kind of interesting.. the flow was alright not that god but the strucutre was not that good at all either... but just keep elevating and keep improving... hope to see you improve and see another good drop by you.. overall 6.5/10 (sorry) have a good day

[Bruklor]

Still was pretty short, (which sometimes when I'm tired - like now - I really like) but was very good. To the point, no blahs, just...there. For me, all in all, what it came down to was one line, that jumped off the page and said "quote me". So I am.

"a disaster
with something to prove"

That's now written on my wall.

[MonStar]

Nice drop...Flow was good and the structure was ok...It could have been a little better but it wasn't to bad...Vocab was great...Content was nice...I liked how your story unfolded...Like everyone else said, this really had a poetic feel to it...I thought you had some good imagery in there and really helped the story get across...I would have liked to see it be a little longer but all in all, still a good drop...Keep it up...If you want to return the favor and leave some feedback then check out either of the links in my sig...

[T-H-C]

this was a good drop. fellin the whole dark war theme, and the structure was pretty creative and different. your rhymes were good, and the story was brilliant. It was a bit short though, but it still came out good, and the way you described the scene was a nice addition to this piece. overall it was a good piece, the only problem was the length, which could be improved on easily. good work and keep at it...

[Noble]

I liked it...

The fact that it was more peotic is actually ok....as long as you write about what you know and love that is the important thing. Always remember who your target audience, they are not the deciding factor of what you write about but rather decide how to appraoch saying what you want to say for them and you.