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Thread: Out of Ammunition - LW SS Piece

  1. #1
    Po'Ethics
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    Out of Ammunition - LW SS Piece

    Out of Ammunition
    .
    .
    .

    Muscles contort as the hunched figure twists in the face of design,
    Overgrown, dirty finger nails reveal his unending artistic mind.
    Modest shoes rely on the floor for support as his inhuman angle prevails,
    Pale despite the dim halogen glow of his studio's electronic tale.
    Dandruff cuts through the humid atmosphere taking orbit around his body,
    Solemnly greeting shadow as they embrace the dark concrete's passivity.
    A faint white line encircling his stature's fluid posture of pain,
    A premonition of the approaching criminal examination's inane plane.
    .
    .
    .

    Tilting his cranium his eyes roll down the slope as the ocular juice adjusts,
    Panning out from the worms eye view the poloroid pictures seep from the dust.
    Meeting momentary seconds of paralysis his body forms the letter S,
    A mess of organs and limbs his face cracks a smile of address...
    A fly landing on his steady hand releases an idea into his bloodstream,
    Downloading the binary into the machine a concept manifests amongst the dream.
    Immediately moving his brush slicks across the rough canvas target,
    A rudimentary object ready for input, nothing more than a carpet.
    A self-portrait depicts his excited face as he picks up his pace,
    His brush leaving mere remnants of creation he grasps for more crates.
    Claws digging into the paint cans colours spray adding to the piece,
    Maniacly laughing at his wanton use of mediums he looks for more to lease.
    Out of Ammunition and having so much more to express he screams in anger,
    His studio's sign twirls in his wake from 'Welcome' to 'Danger'.
    .
    .
    .

    Passing erratically past his steel shelfs of empty products he slashes,
    Blood spraying from his wrist adds to his painting as an idea flashes.
    Ripping his limbs from their sockets and grinding across the close objects,
    Leaving himself in his own self portrait he truly becomes one with his sect.
    No one to interject his energy floods the floor and his work area,
    Rivers flow steadily from their source through the dark welcoming maleria.
    His own world postulated as he hallucinates from the splitting pain,
    Carrying 'insane' across the floor and into the corner growing sane.
    An odd turn of events one might argue as the neighbours hear his cries,
    Opening the door greeted by a twitching corpse coated with flies.
    An insatiable desire evoked his untimely demise despite his need for life,
    Gave all he had to make something for him to admire to prevail above the strife.
    Forever preserved in his own painting his DNA lives on in a reincarnation,
    The reanimation of his life's information apparent in his creation...
    .
    .
    .
    For he was Out of Ammunition in his attack on his own being,
    Defying the all-seeing he has become little more than the all-dreaming...
    Po'Ethics Lives

  2. #2
    Vertikle
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    one of the best topicals I have read in here, in a while...........Had good imagery, vocab, and rhyme scheme of it made the flow sweet and soft.............Dope piece and I think it should be nominated for 1 of June's best pieces, keep up the good work.

    pz. 9 out of 10

  3. #3
    Banned
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed Thanks!

  4. #4
    Po'Ethics
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    Vertikle
    Wicked


    Thanks for the HoF nomination, if you do it, Vertikle.

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  5. #5
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    The imagery was very well done in this one. I could picture everything in my brain, perfectly. The concept is pretty original. The flow was cool. This was an enjoyable read. Nice job. keep it up.
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  6. #6
    I liked this piece, it was very nice. You used some great vocabulary in there and you were very creative in the story and you described the scene very well. Flow was good as well, although you didn't really use any multi's. Very good piece.

    Please return the favour to the link in my sig "My Pain"

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  7. #7

    Bdiddy

    nice thread.yo everytyme i read ur OMz dey get betta n betta.dis one is one of da best keep on elevaten.

    Passing erratically past his steel shelfs of empty products he slashes,
    Blood spraying from his wrist adds to his painting as an idea flashes.
    Ripping his limbs from their sockets and grinding across the close objects,
    Leaving himself in his own self portrait he truly becomes one with his sect.
    No one to interject his energy floods the floor and his work area,
    Rivers flow steadily from their source through the dark welcoming maleria.
    His own world postulated as he hallucinates from the splitting pain,
    Carrying 'insane' across the floor and into the corner growing sane.
    An odd turn of events one might argue as the neighbours hear his cries,
    Opening the door greeted by a twitching corpse coated with flies.
    An insatiable desire evoked his untimely demise despite his need for life,
    Gave all he had to make something for him to admire to prevail above the strife.

    i love dat part but ima hav tu say da same thing i said to sum otha rappers dont alwayz rhym cuz da ppl readen it can sumtymes guess wut u are goin tu say next.keep elevaten homes
    Last edited by Bdiddy; June 4th, 2005 at 10:28 AM Reason: not enogtuh feedback
    "Thats Just The Kind Of Guy I am You See"

  8. #8
    Po'Ethics
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  9. #9

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    read this the other day one hell of a peice
    man when i said you were goin places man
    people doubted me but yeah you proved them
    all wrong your getting to become a dope
    consistent dropper...lovely imagenary here
    flow was nice vocab just write just nice man

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  10. #10
    La Foret Incineratedrose's Avatar
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    Very good, the title just drew me in...

    Very good concept, it was hella original and the imagery, as everyone has said.. was insane.. i could see everything that was happenening, you painted a beautiful picture and i really enjoyed reading everything about it..

    and wordness to the HoF-ness.
    and Lol @ K... like he all predicted your outcome.. "People doubted me".. Rofl, that made me laugh, like he all saw you a mile away.
    MondoThugs.

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    Meta. Convicts

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  11. #11
    Banned L.I.'s Avatar
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    You saw my feedback in the battle in SS. Good job man.

  12. #12
    Po'Ethics
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    Thanks for all the feedback... I appreciate it.
    Po'Ethics Lives

  13. #13
    bitch.
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    Great topical...it had GREAT emotion and feeling...you spit real too, like philsophy. Definitly an extensive vocabulary, intelligent, and average man wouldnt understand, which should make you proud. U basically had everything...Great piece. Nominate this for one the best I have seen.

    9.5/10

    Could U hit up one the battles in my sig...

  14. #14
    Po'Ethics
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    Thanks for the feed...
    Po'Ethics Lives

  15. #15
    Po'Ethics
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