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Thread: Decanter Anthem

  1. #1
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    Decanter Anthem

    Encore the night recluse, J walking seeking the right infuse
    to keep his mind in tune with the dilemma of his light issue
    Early hour daredevil, imperiled by his own state of conscious
    a keep going under the bed complex, being raised by monsters
    Paved by nonsense, a dusty mind frame solid with brickwall paper
    tries to resonate passion, old fashioned..a waiting call savior
    Keep him on the line, tight stepping the good-bye high rope
    till the touch of midas cannot cope with all these pie jokes
    Not fit for the circus, nor working, not even channel surfing
    could reflect the sentiments of worthless in what his eyes were jerking
    What a profound sponge used for the sink inside Hells kitchen
    fell wishing for readiness, drowning under a harbour of pearled wisdom
    It was all television, these idiot boxes governed by pinheads
    tongue in cheek, got him asking.."what was said and what it meant?"
    Paranoid about what's being said behind his back, chasing his tail
    revolutions of giddyness, unfocued images... wasted on thin air
    Embracing his sins here, but it was unclear and he was see-through
    a negative perception builder, no-one knows how he will see you
    Shake him up and watch him repel til he rebels and becomes contempt
    with the populous, and the consequence is his inner system defence
    It will shut down and leave him opened up for dire predicaments
    coz if he's not simply thinking, he'll react like an infant kid
    Financial situation paceless due to an insistent, indignant occupation
    constant consultation between mind and brain...mental deterioration
    But they've all seen it happen before and wont go down that road
    so the train comes for you and believe the track aint that slow
    All's well til alarm bells start tolling and cards start folding
    path's evolving...right or wrong, climb or fall, sight in motion
    Time is closing in, trying to escape the under segment of the hourglass
    scaling the outer edge to reach that sand castles tower mast
    Before getting fragged by destiny, we're all the cast of thespians dream
    because all a drama consists of is heartache, bad taste and misery

    Watch as it tends to build up... and is viewed as our threat
    it lurks til our death.... exploring for the positive outlet
    But out it steps... and very much earlier than expected
    making eclectic seem eccentric... in methods unintended
    Unaccepted, one direction... it's ascension is a question..
    that is to pester anyone that ever mentions the phrase... 'You bottled it'

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  2. #2
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  3. #3
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    Lord n Demik.

    I felt this piece man, It was dope in certain areas......Maybe a little weak in some, but it still got the point across.

    Work on mutlis, and your vocabulary could use a touch up, as can your streched lines, and structure.

    Keep dropping.

    Check out Segregation Era, and/or Wicked Sense

  4. #4
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    LOL have you actually read any of my other pieces?

    Why is all open mic critique the same...it hasn't changed in like 5 years

    Edit...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197814

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...93#post2516793
    Last edited by N-Demik; June 5th, 2005 at 01:53 PM

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  5. #5
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    This was a nice piece. Good imaginitive concept and executed well. It had multies throughout; I dunno what the guy above you was saying, I don't think he read it properly. Nice imagery, and it was thoroughly creative. You had some grammar issues at certain points however. This could do with proof-reading a few times, and revising. But still a good solid piece of literature.

    Get that other link please though. And oh yeah, Legacy died, so you'd best take that out of your sig.
    Last edited by Dan Dare; June 7th, 2005 at 03:34 PM
    ...

  6. #6
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    Thank ya's for the read Dan

    appreciate it

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  7. #7
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Some great imagery in this piece (the hell's kitchen line especially) and strong vocab which helped to illustraite. Thought it was a weird title but then again it was a weird topic style as well so it evened out nicely, lol. Pretty good pace, though i thought lines were occasionally overstretched. But a very readable piece man, good work.

    Keep on posting.

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
    14 x OM HoF



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  8. #8
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    ^ The title tied in with the last line, the part in bold. I thought it was a really clever title.

    You're welcome Phil.
    ...

  9. #9
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    ^Yuppy

    And Cheers for the look Johnny me boy

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  10. #10
    Well, you Arsenal supporting scumbag :-)..
    This piece was cool. Nice to hit you up as you rarely post here.
    It was cool all the way through and vivid in most spots.
    Just gonna get my cons out of the way for this. .
    Don't use that font/colour please. My eyes are fucked now.
    I think some of your shit needed looking over as the spellings
    stopped me reading a few times. Well halted it anyways.
    Your imagination is dope, I'm so glad you put complicated
    vocab to good use. Rather than for the sake of it.

    Good, props, and get more active!

    Check out mine and Camaracs Topical Collab piece.
    R aw-ganically in the Gurks

    Gurker & rawganic.

    Topical Collab' Champs '05

  11. #11
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    ^LOL@Him being owned

    And thanks Gurker!...

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  12. #12
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    Dizowning Nukka

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  13. #13
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    Arg

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  14. #14
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    "Early hour daredevil, imperiled by his own state of conscious
    a keep going under the bed complex, being raised by monsters"

    Those lines stood out for me.. This was a really dope drop, I thought that your complexity was on point without compromising the flow. You were descriptive and I thought you worded your lines well. Niiice shit.

    Peace
    -A.P


    Be the very change you want to see.

  15. #15
    Roll Out The Barrel N-Demik's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replyyy... duuude

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