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Thread: Wicked Sense

  1. #1
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    Wicked Sense

    Paul San...(silent pause erupts)


    creatures invade a rotten domain, captive hidden death
    hesitant imagining war crusade with every written step
    ink streaks weep fear kept, questioning a unknown clue
    cranium glued an eerie thought, still blundered, I drew...
    pictured fued, with a rip curled few who demand a fact
    irritating lack of conscience and moral sense attacked
    now furiously strapped, attached to the wooden chair
    folicles of long hear impair the vision of the one who scares
    forced with last prayers, creature throbs on human tears
    sniffing the red neck of a human, scenting the noticed fears
    life ends here, terrorizing character strokes the bleeding speck
    known of powers strong enough to wreck and snap my neck
    finger nails check the soft skin, for a poched spot to puncture
    stabbing at the bone fulled cheeks, a critical time....a juncture
    thoughts unfunctioned, with a lack of thought.......fear builds
    insanity gossips on living longer, oxygen out...like dreaded gills
    blood cup spills, random inhabitant pictures, imagine my head
    scattered intelligence dead, with foreshadows of death kept
    tension left.......waking up from startled exorcist nightmares
    staying on course started away from pesimistic night tares
    peering a dare, upset featured alone tortured a poets soul
    ink explode, with a hot sensation......but knowing its cold
    control owned, writing thoughts crack a nerve and combust
    painful lust of a fat blood ink, thicker than the earths crust
    bothered ignorance shushed, continued writing his story
    excrushiating detail of the nightmare hanuted blood and gory
    tore thee writers mind, intense blistered eyes hide from pain
    blackened slain of corpses invisioned himself....its insane
    reign power stable, a irritated fable filled a wrong spot
    blooded clots stop the writers thought, forgetting a plot....
    Last edited by comadose; June 3rd, 2005 at 03:40 PM

  2. #2
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  3. #3

  4. #4
    Vertikle
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    Not 2 good of a piece, not the best but not terrible, juss average.Juss found it was decent flow and good vocab.......imagery not the best......had a good vibe to it though.

    pz 7 out of 10

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vertikle
    Not 2 good of a piece, not the best but not terrible, juss average.Juss found it was decent flow and good vocab.......imagery not the best......had a good vibe to it though.

    pz 7 out of 10
    lmfao. alright u herb. Die.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by [Safeway] 2.0
    two links.
    Thank You.

    brb, ill go check one

  7. #7

  8. #8
    d-_-b
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    amazing rhyme scheme...
    nice vocabulary...
    the subject is deep...
    a lot of imagery and metaphors...very good

    i like the way he started typing his name then suddenly stopped because of the nightmare...very creative...

    9.9/10

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  9. #9
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    Thanks

    Uppin

  10. #10

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    very nice peice here man..vocab was dope
    flow was very nice i would of liken to see
    a few different rhyme schemes in this but
    it was a nice peice over all good read

    av fools we running this shit.

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  11. #11
    P.Status™
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    This was heavy, Thought the flow was fluent throughout, Vocab was def Complex....I liked the bar structure and rhyme scheme....the imagry in this piece was painted well....

    "control owned, writing thoughts crack a nerve and combust
    painful lust of a fat blood ink, thicker than the earths crust"

    ^fav line, thought that was candle wax

    up for a collab sometime? get at me on aim Insetplatinum

  12. #12
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    This was a decent peice, everything was there, flow,image,metas, all that....but nothing about it really jumped out and grabed me...know what i mean....but it was still pretty good i thought....
    Soundclick.com/VicetheVersa

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