User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Devil Made Me-Aching

  1. #1
    I hold rymes like an ATM
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Nigga what I need a jet for//Caz my wing spand cant get rid of more birds then a pet store
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,357
    Battle Record
    8-11

    Devil Made Me-Aching

    The people circled me, im the guy in the middle
    Im the gerbil see, and the war on crime became civil
    My entire department betrayed, deceived by a liar
    Telling me how I behaved was bad, so I had to get fired
    Bosses and all saw this, and took it to trash me
    Comin easy to call shit on me, now its getting nasty
    At last I get sick of it, turn my back on my old friends
    THey fixed it and loved it, thinkin bout it gives me cold skin
    Feelin of anger arises quickly, it aint easy to digest
    Why did the devil pick me, now im takin this with me to my death
    I like it, so I decided to ride it and got to excited
    And now look at me, Furious, lost and misguided
    Wanting revenge for something I did, I wanted Gods powers
    SO the wick in me ignited, now lookin at the families I bought flowers
    I killed there loved ones, and it was over something stupid
    I shove nuns out the way, and get on the stage to say...
    THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT
    I'm that nigga who can kill u in 8 bars

  2. #2
    I hold rymes like an ATM
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Nigga what I need a jet for//Caz my wing spand cant get rid of more birds then a pet store
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,357
    Battle Record
    8-11
    I'm that nigga who can kill u in 8 bars

  3. #3
    I hold rymes like an ATM
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Nigga what I need a jet for//Caz my wing spand cant get rid of more birds then a pet store
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,357
    Battle Record
    8-11
    uppin
    I'm that nigga who can kill u in 8 bars

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Obseen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Im English Living In The West Mids
    Posts
    50
    The people circled me, im the guy in the middle
    Im the gerbil see, and the war on crime became civil

    i liked the first line on this an i liekd jow u compared urself to things nice.

    My entire department betrayed, deceived by a liar
    Telling me how I behaved was bad, so I had to get fired
    Bosses and all saw this, and took it to trash me
    Comin easy to call shit on me, now its getting nasty

    i like the flow on these lines an like how it is built up.

    At last I get sick of it, turn my back on my old friends
    THey fixed it and loved it, thinkin bout it gives me cold skin
    Feelin of anger arises quickly, it aint easy to digest
    Why did the devil pick me, now im takin this with me to my death

    like the rhyme scheme on this .

    I like it, so I decided to ride it and got to excited
    And now look at me, Furious, lost and misguided

    this was nice i liekd the flow an your use of words.

    Wanting revenge for something I did, I wanted Gods powers
    SO the wick in me ignited, now lookin at the families I bought flowers
    I killed there loved ones, and it was over something stupid
    I shove nuns out the way, and get on the stage to say...
    THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT

    yeh this was deeo like how u let it all come out an liked the ending part the short sweet sentence nice.

    overalll yeh i really liked this had some nice lines i like the rhyme scheme in this alot and the flow was on point all the way through vocab ws nice made it easy to understand.stay up thnx for checkin my piece out -1-
    Last edited by Obseen; June 1st, 2005 at 04:55 AM

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    .·´ (´¸.·*´¯`*·>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    ObSeEn
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    .·´ (´¸.·*´¯`*·>
    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    OpEn MiCs


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  5. #5
    '~Untouchable~'
    Guest
    Nice and consistent flow...I liked them multiez in the middle..

    8/10

  6. #6
    I hold rymes like an ATM
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Nigga what I need a jet for//Caz my wing spand cant get rid of more birds then a pet store
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,357
    Battle Record
    8-11
    uppin
    I'm that nigga who can kill u in 8 bars

  7. #7
    '~Untouchable~'
    Guest
    Yo...since I peeped Ur ish...U think U could peep one them battles in my sig?

  8. #8
    I hold rymes like an ATM
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Nigga what I need a jet for//Caz my wing spand cant get rid of more birds then a pet store
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,357
    Battle Record
    8-11
    uppin
    I'm that nigga who can kill u in 8 bars

  9. #9
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Montreal
    Age
    37
    Posts
    3,428
    Battle Record
    14-7
    This was ok. Sort of a played concept for an OM, but you took an interesting twist with the whole office space scenario, etc.

    Basically, my main problem with this piece was it's length. It seemed way too short, and just as you started to go somewhere with your story, it ended. Also, your vocab was a bit too simple for my liking, but that's not a huge problem because it worked semi-well for this piece.

    Keep at it.

  10. #10
    I hold rymes like an ATM
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Nigga what I need a jet for//Caz my wing spand cant get rid of more birds then a pet store
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,357
    Battle Record
    8-11
    thx uppin
    I'm that nigga who can kill u in 8 bars

  11. #11

  12. #12
    Newbie
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    42
    Battle Record
    0-1
    I think this peice was straight...you could have played an iller concept on dat do....had some nice flow to it....good Multi's....but nothing that really stood out.....but straight peice DUECES

    7/10............

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 66
    Last Post: March 28th, 2006, 02:15 AM
  2. Devil
    By Johnny 6-feet in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: March 2nd, 2005, 07:23 PM
  3. The devil made me do it
    By Scarcasm in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: February 19th, 2005, 04:27 PM
  4. The Devil
    By Methane in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: April 19th, 2003, 11:32 AM
  5. The Aching
    By Orikle in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: April 17th, 2003, 10:46 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •