To my niece and nephew Julio and Jalia. Please don't sleep on this.

[Duval]

R.I.P Julio and Jalia. Your Auntie Joi will miss yall.

The time has come to say goodbye.
I will never forget looking in your eyes.
Even if I didn't seen you, you will be loved*.
God has takin you,to live with him above.
Life has its ups and downs, and this was a mudslide.
I'm glad your with the lord and resting by his side.
I have to face the facts, it an't no reason to hide.
Life without yall is like washing clothes without tide**.
At first you have something you love,and then like that its gone.
I never really saw you,but somehow I feel all so alone.
I will never forget you, and the 5 weeks you lived.
As long as I'm on this earth,then forever you will live.
I've kept you in my prayers, but the lord has spoken.
Julio and Jalia you were took like a gold token***.
I hope you rest in piece, and remeber you will be loved.
Please watch out for your family in the heavens above.


This was kind of hard for me to write. I kept getting teary eyed. But there is somethings in this yall might not understand so I will explain them.

*I never got to see them in person . I saw pictures and they look just like their mom and dad. So since I always saw my sister and brother in law.
**Tide is the laundry detergent we use. If you don't know what that is then google it.
*** Think of Robin Hood

I never new my monther OM

Abused Child OM

[Para]

awww....that's sad.. i wonder what happened..
for the 2 to go so young is unbelievable..
sensing strong emotion of this...
flow was a little bit choppy it was like on and off in some parts.
vocab was not very good in this either...that could of used some work as well.
but the way you used the words you did, was good... i'll pick out a part
here in this verse that i like the most.. it was more closer to the ending..

I will never forget you, and the 5 weeks you lived.
As long as I'm on this earth,then forever you will live.
I've kept you in my prayers, but the lord has spoken.
Julio and Jalia you were took like a gold token***.
I hope you rest in piece, and remeber you will be loved.
Please watch out for youer family in the heavens above.

that was hot.... gud wording..
umm...check for spelling mistakes before posting your work..
it really helps the reader keep a flow while reading..
stayy upp

[Duval]

Thanks for the feed. I know I have to work on vocab, I wrote that at 3 am this morning. I'll edit it.

Oh they were premature by like 3 months. Their organs weren't fully developed yet. It was basically their small intesetines, so the doctors did surgery. But it didn't help them much. So my sisteer decided to pull the plug on them becasue she couldn't see them suffer anymore.

Uppin this.

[Chris Black]

Heartfelt piece. I can understand where you're coming from on this one. I'd have to say, stay away from lines like the Tide one and the Golden Token line. Text battlers use lines like that so much that they are cliche, that sometimes if a poet uses one, it brings an aura of corniness. Emotion was the strong point. Just keep writing from your heart and it will be all good.

[Duval]

Thanks. Uppin for feed.

All feedback is appreciated. Bad or good. I need to know what to elevate on.

[Bounce]

All I can say is this was heartfelt. I am not going to get into to specifics ot technical detail here, I do not liek to do that on a heartfelt peice. I just think it was a nice and touching read, I wish you the best...

[Duval]

Thanks very much. Uppin this.

[Duval]

Uppin this. Tell me what I need to elevate on.

[~Abstrakt~]

good stuff very deep and i am sorry to hear about all this

Life has its ups and downs, and this was a mudslide.
I'm glad your with the lord and resting by his side.

that was a great line....keep it up

[Duval]

Thanks. Uppin this.

[gang$ta]

This was cool, as you talked about life
And how you miss them, thats so sad
I bet when they died it made you mad
You wish they could be alive again
But god takes the best.. the end
This had great flow and great rhymes too
This drop was hot and im impressed wit you
you did what ya did and this was cool
I know you have good peices not just to type like a fool
8.5 is all i can give it......, even though this peice was the shizznit

[Obseen]

yeh i lied this was very deep an you could feel the emotion its nice to read somthing an you cna feel what the person was feeling very deep some nice lines in ther stay up -1-

[Duval]

thanks for the feed. uppin for feed.

[Obseen]

p.s cud ya hit my piece up called "the good days" thnx much appreciated

[sue_a_side]

deep piece baby blood! im feelin this!! sorry to hear bout it tho! tha good die young!r.i.p