Is This Life?

[Para]

1st verse to a something i'm working on..
whats u thinking..

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I've seen the pain in poverty and I've suffered on the street,
i wonder how much longer i will survive will i ever be on my feet,
i'm nineteen and my income is anomyonus making less than my brother,
i'm dependent when it comes to drugs and alcohol it scares my mother,
the only thing i can do proper is crime and poetry so i'm lonley,
and laughter is not heard much anymore I'm thinking my friends are phoney,
I'll never know the truth when I have to tell lies to cover up suicide,
from multiple attempts i pack weapons under my sleeve incase i have to homicide,
these haters spitting around my space jealous cause this is a legend face,
with the history I've left in this mutha fucka no regrets but i constantly pace,
cause living above the law ain't very safe im labelled a number one criminal,
a well known thieve on and off drug dealing stacking cash from crack is critical,
never been arrested for a B&E but i'm a prime suspect in my community,
people point their fingers with no hesitation and have taken my humanity,
I'm paranoid 24/7 i sometimes feel ghost's surrounding me so i talk 2 my knife,
from up town to down while smoking weed killing time thinking is this really life..?
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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...87#post2491387
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197742

[Obseen]

I've seen the pain in poverty and I've suffered on the street,
i wonder how much longer i will survive will i ever be on my feet,
i'm nineteen and my income is anomyonus making less than my brother,
i'm dependent when it comes to drugs and alcohol it scares my mother,

those lines are real nice an deep.

the only thing i can do proper is crime and poetry so i'm lonley,
and laughter is not heard much anymore I'm thinking my friends are phoney

shiiit tht second line is way real was feeling you on tht .

I'm paranoid 24/7 i sometimes feel ghost's surrounding me so i talk 2 my knife,
from up town to down while smoking weed killing time thinking is this really life..?

this is a nice neder like how it links to the topic aswell.

overall yeh i felt this piece easy to understand an talkin bout things people can relate to real nce bruv one thing you could do better is tighten up the flow a little overall nice piece thow stay up -1- look out for my piece tomoz caled "the good days"

[noncentz]

twin you got alot going some slow sides but as a verse this was fire it got me looking to see more from you and cant wait to see what elivating does for you

[The Journalist]

Nice Shit Man Pretty Good Flow, Vocabulary Was okay Decent All Around Keep It Up

[Para]

thanx ya'll

[Johnny 6-feet]

a standard sort of topic on this one, the vocab was ok, the rhymne's could've been more complex though. the imagery was ok but i thought you overstretched your lines quite a lot. you conveyed the depression of the narrator pretty well.

keep elavating. if you could rep my piece "timeline" i'd appricaite the feedback.

[Duval]

This tight. You had a nice vocab and structure. I felt the emotion of this piece. But finish it, I want to read the rest of this. Keep the good work, Overall you get a 9.5/10 only because you didn't finish.