nice read ryhme scheme was very apparent, but it was a good read you need to keep going im drunk t i'll drop some more feeed tomorrow
nice read ryhme scheme was very apparent, but it was a good read you need to keep going im drunk t i'll drop some more feeed tomorrow
The Rhyme scheme was basic and I thought that the lines were a little to wordy and it drug the piece down... I thought that the story was a little cliche' but you pulled it off decently... Keep dropping
Uppin this...
Well, you asked me to reply, so ehre you go lolthis was an excellent piece. When i was reading this, everything was on point it seemed like, for some reason i had a good flow with it, and could see this to a good beat. You should really consider doing audio man, cause this would work reallllly good. The wordplay, vocab and such were all on point as well, well im not going to say anymore that has been said already, besides this is dope, oh wait, thats been said
Ups
Uppin again...
This was good.. but you definitely need to add multis or some shit, will enhance your flow. Good content, been meaning to peep this for a while.. nice story God. Liked it. Keep dropping pieces like this son..
^Thanks.
Wow. Two OM nominations in a row. Cool. Thanks everyone.
Dope.
This was dope. It's the best I've ever seen from you. Display of emotion was the strongest point. Flow was on. Just an overall, nice piece. Good job.
Hence Forward
axis powers
I guess I'm the only person who gives good feedback in this forum.
Well, the last few OM's in general that I have read have concentrated on emotion.
And this has set with the trend too. Not that this is a bad thing. I have said this many a time but when writing an emotive piece don't forget about the other necescities. Especially wording. You over worded, and used some wrong words in this piece. Stretched is a word I dont like to use but this was a little bit too stretched. You have to maintain a general flow whether you are writing to a beat or not.
Away with the negatives you held the concept well. You played on the cons mostly from a parental perspective but to me I don't think there was much more the parents could do. I liked how you started with mentioning the car/photo but then going into the story. THEN coming back and describing the photo and why they don't want to look at it. You wrote this well and you thought about what you was doing.
Props,
Brix.
ArtificialIntelligence
Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton
yo this work was awsome u kept on topic very well good imagery it was easy to read the scheme got a lil weak some places but it was still very good
dis shit was pretty hot i can actually see what you are talkin about maybe we can do a topical battle sometimes.
nice piece son.very imaginative,good structure,had a very poetic kinda sense to it,ill vocab, tha complexity and the way you set up this piece came out real well,the rhyme scheme was off,but you do what is good,and thats how it si,you can do it like it gotta be done if it works,and it worked,keep droppin tha hottness.~1~
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