death is coming

[Caesar Augustus]

I remember it was a time I used to sleep right
then I used to sleep light wakin to the wind or the click of the lights
then I slept wit my eyes open now my eyes red
cause now and days I just lye in bed wit my eyes open
It started when I was young, started trappin when I was nine
thats nearly ten years now I been on this fucking grind
my nigga told me it gets lonely as you reach the top
three days later he was found in his bed wit fifty shots
that was handled I was next in line to run the block
now I see the same itchy trigger fingers same niggas
they just have different faces and different glocks

Chorus:
I done seen it all my rise and my fall but I refuse to lay down cause of some writing on the wall
if death is coming the he coming I done live my life a hundred miles and gunning what the fuck I look like running

its like death is coming and I can feel it in the air
it send chills up my spine and makes every hair
stand on end like they standing attention in my skin
thats why sometimes you can catch me in a gaze
retracing my steps that I ran through lifes maze
trying to figure out the wrong turn I made
thats got me heading directly to a early grave
Fuck! I think its when I start sellin this stuff
my niggas keep suggestin that I take a puff
I got enough to deal wit callin deaths bluff
plus I think I’m periniod enough I wont touch the stuff

Chorus:
I done seen it all my rise and my fall but I refuse to lay down cause of some writing on the wall
if death is coming the he coming I done live my life a hundred miles and gunning what the fuck I look like running

man I go to church every Sunday now sometimes Saturday too
but I can leave the life alone I still run wit the same crew
but death at constantly coming at me I actually feel happy
my soul don’t feel so burdened in fact it feel kinda light
I went outside heard three shots ring out and shit just ain’t feel right
I’m having trouble breathing I close my eyes and see a light
gotdamn I’m dying just when I got my life right
I only regret not having a son or taking a wife
but at least in my last days I got to know christ
now I close my eyes for good walk into the light
so here i go off in the light I aint do shit wit my life
all i know is its awfully warm here aww lord
oh well I guess you got it right



http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...54#post2478754
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...11#post2478811

[Q.S]

This open mic is well written and shouldn't be slept on.
I like the structure, the vocabulary, and the chorus.
I'd like to read some more open mics from you.
My favourite verse.

its like death is coming and I can feel it in the air
it send chills up my spine and makes every hair
stand on end like they standing attention in my skin
thats why sometimes you can catch me in a gaze
retracing my steps that I ran through lifes maze
trying to figure out the wrong turn I made
thats got me heading directly to a early grave
Fuck! I think its when I start sellin this stuff
my niggas keep suggestin that I take a puff
I got enough to deal wit callin deaths bluff
plus I think I’m periniod enough I wont touch the stuff

Has more emotion and I can picture everything!

[Caesar Augustus]

thanks for the feed back queeny

[2hot2handle]

God emotion. I liked it. You can work on ya rhymes more. The rhymes were aight but can be better. It was a well written piece. The chorus needs structure but the rest was ok. Work more on some creativity and and different schemes. Nice imagery. Keep it up.

[Bounce]

Again, another well travelled topic, yet you kept an air of originality about it. More than I can say for most the kids who take this path, not a bad little read here man. althought minor errors distracted me a bit, I made it to the emd and was quite pleased not stumble across the same old lines. I only have a few issues here, that being, clean up the minor mistakes in grammer and spelling, (trust me I suck at spelling or typing, so i have to do the same ) and next drop experiment with your ryhme scheme, Not that your was off, it was just really predictable. I would have enjoyed some transitions in this, variations on meter, and even a splash of blistering assonance from time to time would have served this much better. Overall, not a bad place to start from, much better than some of the kids running around here. You just need to step it up now, one drop at a time....