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Thread: The War

  1. #1
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    The War

    i havent dropped in a while sohopefully this will help me snap out of it.....


    The Beginning

    my mind is focused, determined to destroy
    my soldiers, my first infantry is already deployed
    with out a care, or even lust in there thoughts
    minds are focused, like that of artificial robots
    hearts broken, ready to do as I tell
    terminate the enemies, send them deep into hell
    we shall not fail, hit all targets as located
    show no remorse, for the asswholes are hated
    war is terrible I know, trust me I do hate this
    IM not wrong, my people, I did not mistake shit
    why do they think.....
    that they can erase other's lives and get away with it?
    in time we will know, the reasons will be revealed
    even though i grief over the fact, some will be killed
    i hope they are thrilled, what's done is now done
    i will not quit, until this war i believe we have won




    The AfterMath
    two years since we deployed, the war has now ended
    victory was served, we stand fewer than we began with
    not sure how many would remain, since the day we arrived
    i now cry for the families, who's loved one's lost there life
    in this hell whole, that i now regret has ever happened
    but i smile for the bastard's who died....
    living there life, trying hard to leave our nation saddened

    ''But for all those, to whom fought on this soil
    the ones who were killed, or had there lives ruined
    I say to you this, GOD BLESS
    for because of you we won, war was a success''
    Last edited by Kaotic Theory; April 26th, 2005 at 01:07 AM
    AI

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  2. #2
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    AI

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  3. #3
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    shit no one replyed to this...
    lol i felt the ay u feel now..when i dropped my first post here ..

    iight, was diggin it. nice nice
    scheme, well put...rhyme...very nice..
    vision..nice...enjoyed the concept of the entire "freepoem"
    i feel u on most of what u saying,
    all in all a well put piece, looks like u actually put some thought into it..
    (unlike me i just spew whatever comes to mind, unless im working on somthing..)
    but here its evident
    um, only thing i would like to see changed..is more ellaboration...
    it started great...finished fine. just the center..when i was done readin im like. shit that was short..
    i felt like it needed more in there...would have made an incredible piece if u had gone deep into the story, told more of the war, and some details of what happened givin us a deeper view into the subject..

    otherwise..nice kid..
    thanks fo peepin my piece. hope i helped...ima check out ya work anytime i see u on here..wunn.
    liked the fact that u are one of the first to drop feed back that actually makes sence

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    (. Y .) .:{[On-UrB]}:. (. Y .)


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  4. #4
    Newbie
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    nice drop kid im feeling your flow

  5. #5
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    uupin this
    AI

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  6. #6
    NONCENTZ AKA WORD~PERFECT noncentz's Avatar
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    yo this was a nice lil something no doubt you def got me wanting to see what you come up with next stay elivating twin
    to love something,is to die for it ,if you do, your a martyr , but these days music is morbid, false carters ..prohet's for prophet no lie, look how our last martyr was crucified. to put it in it symplicity, you aint true...you wouldnt sacrifice a few dollars for authenticity..

  7. #7
    ½ Crook
    Guest
    had some nice lines and actual original ass shit like

    minds are focused, like that of artificial robots

    see not to much but there......not really feeling the story concept is kinda played but this was dope

  8. #8
    young ryda
    Guest
    this was nice very realisitc and painted a nice picture in my mind no doubt you got talent son keep at it

  9. #9
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    upping...this
    AI

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  10. #10
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    upping this shit.....
    AI

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  11. #11
    That was deep...I acutally sent that over to my cuz who is in Iraq right now, Fightin the war, he has been showin it around...so major props on that piece...Cant wait to see more...Keep it up....

  12. #12
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    tahnk you man just somthin simple........uppin this
    AI

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  13. #13
    Our For Revenge.... ..Vendetta..'s Avatar
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    Nice piece Man Deep Shit Here, I Was Feeling The Vocabulary On THis One, We SHould Collab One Day Did You leave Your Links???
    Still Out For Revenge....

  14. #14
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    hmm its nice. very emotional. good topic. nice stucture good flow nice use of vocabulary not rank but its at a point where its perfectly in use. your imagery is very good all though this is a short peice i like it a lot. um its the imagery that got me but you also had a few lines with some nice metaphors.

    word overal rating: B+

    rtf in my OM's links in the sig.

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